Dazatsu Week 2019 - Day 4
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
(As usual, I hope you don’t mind my english too much)
Atsushi didn't know how he ended up kissing Dazai.
All he knew was that they were on the boat Fitzgerald let them borrow, enjoyin their well deserved rest after defeating Dostoesvskij's men.
Dazai-san was right next to him, bathed in the sunset light, his eyes closed, a fond and nostalgic smile on his face.
“A Mafia member who doesn't kill, huh?”
Atsushi didn't know if it was because Dazai-san was so beautiful like that, or if he just wanted to relieve some on the pain he saw on his face, or if it was the thought that he could be dead in six month and never see his mentor again, but he found himself getting up on his toes to reach for Dazai-san's lips, even before his brain registered the information.
Dazai-san had frozen up, and Atsushi was so sure he would feel Dazai-san's hands on his shoulders at any moment, gently pushing him away.
Surprisigly enough, he felt Dazai-san relax again his lips, completely abandoning himself to the kiss, wet and hot, filled with what could seems a little bit of desperation.
Everything was a blur to him. All he could feel was Dazai-san. Dazai-san's tounge in his mouth. Dazai-san's breath on his hair. Dazai-san body against his. Dazai-san.
When he opened his eyes, they were inside one of the cabin.
Judging from the yellow-reddish sunlight who came from the porthole, it must have been sunrise.
Feeling a bit anxious, he turned around to watch Dazai.
Apparentlly, he was still asleep. He seemed so at peace when he was like this, without that pained expression Atsushi sometimes saw on Dazai-san's face, when he rarely got rid of the carefree facede he always showed to the others.
His mouth was slightly open, still red from all the kisses they exchanged that night, and Atsushi was temped to cover again those lips with his own, but from some reason he felt too shy to do it now. His eyes keept wandering down Dazai's body. The bandages he wore constantly (“Bandages are part of my body” - he once told him during their trip to the onsen) had loosened up and his chest was partly exposed. He felt himself slightly blush at the thought of how Dazai-san has felt against him. He didn't get to feel very much skin though, because of the bandaged Dazai never took off. So he kept staring at him, taking advantage of that situation, while Dazai kept on sleeping.
Dazai always ate too little, and it showed. He was way too skinny for his height – not too much tought – but his skin was so pale and soft looking and pale. He wanted to touch more of it. What really caught his attention though, were the several scars on his chest, his stomach, his arms, his neck.
He felt his heart skip a beat, and moved to take a closer look. There was a scar right under his right nipple, and one near his collarbone. He moved his eyes to the left, to look at a scar right were his heart was. There was another on his shoulder, and one on the side of his neck. He could see another big one starting near his hip and disappear under the bed sheet Dazai was covered with. There were just too many to count. Some of them were white – meaning that they were quite old – but some of them were reddish, so they had to be quite recent.
He couldn't hold back, and started to trace them with the tip of his finger, as delicate as he could.
The room was still filled with the light of the dawn, and the yellow rays of sunlight gently gleam on Dazai's body with their golden light. The slighly paler skin of the scars seemed even more bright that the rest of his body, and for some reason Atsushi tought about kintsugi, like Dazai was some old, broken object, but who still held so much beauty.
At first, Atsushi had tought Dazai-san was a perfect being, a perfection he could have never hope to achieve. He soon realized Dazai-san wasn't perfect at all, but to him, Dazai was still the most amazing person he ever met.
He suddenly felt a slight touch on his hair, and turned his head just to see Dazai-san staring at him, wearing his typical indecipherable smile on the face.
“That's how a sucide maniac's body look like, you know. I could tell you how I got every one of those, but you probably would be too shocked hearing of my magnificent deeds. Maybe someday I'll let you know.” He paused for a second, suddenly more serious. “I won't ask you to commit suicide with me thought.”
Atsushi smiled softly at that. Dazai-san was such an idiot.
“I think they look nice on you, neverthless.” he boldly kissed one, and lay his head on Dazai's chest, near his heart. He sighed. “My scars faded thanks to my ability, but I can still feel them under my skin. They show who we are, what we are made of. Like every brush gives life to a painting. I think they make you perfectly imperfect, Dazai-san. An imperfect but good man.”
He could feel Dazai's heartbeat changing slighly. Seems like could not control it everytime like he said, after all. He felt Dazai-san's arms tighten around him. Atsushi closed his eyes and smiled.
