Human Dazai

Just a side blog where I can post things I don't have the courage to post anywhere else

[hannibalism]

Hannigram + forgiveness

[humandazai]

Dazatsu Week 2019 - Day 4

Title: Gold

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Prompt:  Kintsugi

(As usual, I hope you don’t mind my english too much)

Atsushi didn't know how he ended up kissing Dazai.

All he knew was that they were on the boat Fitzgerald let them borrow, enjoyin their well deserved rest after defeating Dostoesvskij's men.

Dazai-san was right next to him, bathed in the sunset light, his eyes closed, a fond and nostalgic smile on his face.

“A Mafia member who doesn't kill, huh?”

Atsushi didn't know if it was because Dazai-san was so beautiful like that, or if he just wanted to relieve some on the pain he saw on his face, or if it was the thought that he could be dead in six month and never see his mentor again, but he found himself getting up on his toes to reach for Dazai-san's lips, even before his brain registered the information.

Dazai-san had frozen up, and Atsushi was so sure he would feel Dazai-san's hands on his shoulders at any moment, gently pushing him away.

Surprisigly enough, he felt Dazai-san relax again his lips, completely abandoning himself to the kiss, wet and hot, filled with what could seems a little bit of desperation.

Everything was a blur to him. All he could feel was Dazai-san. Dazai-san's tounge in his mouth. Dazai-san's breath on his hair. Dazai-san body against his. Dazai-san.

When he opened his eyes, they were inside one of the cabin.

Judging from the yellow-reddish sunlight who came from the porthole, it must have been sunrise.

Feeling a bit anxious, he turned around to watch Dazai.

Apparentlly, he was still asleep. He seemed so at peace when he was like this, without that pained expression Atsushi sometimes saw on Dazai-san's face, when he rarely got rid of the carefree facede he always showed to the others.

His mouth was slightly open, still red from all the kisses they exchanged that night, and Atsushi was temped to cover again those lips with his own, but from some reason he felt too shy to do it now. His eyes keept wandering down Dazai's body. The bandages he wore constantly (“Bandages are part of my body” - he once told him during their trip to the onsen) had loosened up and his chest was partly exposed. He felt himself slightly blush at the thought of how Dazai-san has felt against him. He didn't get to feel very much skin though, because of the bandaged Dazai never took off. So he kept staring at him, taking advantage of that situation, while Dazai kept on sleeping.

Dazai always ate too little, and it showed. He was way too skinny for his height – not too much tought – but his skin was so pale and soft looking and pale. He wanted to touch more of it. What really caught his attention though, were the several scars on his chest, his stomach, his arms, his neck.

He felt his heart skip a beat, and moved to take a closer look. There was a scar right under his right nipple, and one near his collarbone. He moved his eyes to the left, to look at a scar right were his heart was. There was another on his shoulder, and one on the side of his neck. He could see another big one starting near his hip and disappear under the bed sheet Dazai was covered with. There were just too many to count. Some of them were white – meaning that they were quite old – but some of them were reddish, so they had to be quite recent.

He couldn't hold back, and started to trace them with the tip of his finger, as delicate as he could.

The room was still filled with the light of the dawn, and the yellow rays of sunlight gently gleam on Dazai's body with their golden light. The slighly paler skin of the scars seemed even more bright that the rest of his body, and for some reason Atsushi tought about kintsugi, like Dazai was some old, broken object, but who still held so much beauty.

At first, Atsushi had tought Dazai-san was a perfect being, a perfection he could have never hope to achieve. He soon realized Dazai-san wasn't perfect at all, but to him, Dazai was still the most amazing person he ever met.

He suddenly felt a slight touch on his hair, and turned his head just to see Dazai-san staring at him, wearing his typical indecipherable smile on the face.

“That's how a sucide maniac's body look like, you know. I could tell you how I got every one of those, but you probably would be too shocked hearing of my magnificent deeds. Maybe someday I'll let you know.” He paused for a second, suddenly more serious. “I won't ask you to commit suicide with me thought.”

Atsushi smiled softly at that. Dazai-san was such an idiot.

“I think they look nice on you, neverthless.” he boldly kissed one, and lay his head on Dazai's chest, near his heart. He sighed. “My scars faded thanks to my ability, but I can still feel them under my skin. They show who we are, what we are made of. Like every brush gives life to a painting. I think they make you perfectly imperfect, Dazai-san. An imperfect but good man.”

He could feel Dazai's heartbeat changing slighly. Seems like could not control it everytime like he said, after all. He felt Dazai-san's arms tighten around him. Atsushi closed his eyes and smiled.

[humandazai]

Dazatsu Week 2019 - Day 3

Title: Taking care

Rating: General Audiences

Prompt: Jealousy

(I’m sure it’s still day 3 somewhere in the world, so technically I’m not late. My english and my writing skills are still terrible though. So yeah, sorry.

This is inspired to the Bungou Mayoi “The Dashing Detective Agency” Event. They look so good in those fancy clothes.)

Dazai had been staring at Atsushi for the last hour, while the boy ran from side to side of the buffet table prepared for that evening's party. He could hear him squels in excitment, while draggin Kyouka with him.

"Wow, so this is a banquet?! I've never seen any of this stuff before... Wh-where do I even start?" and "Kyouka, let's go try that over there!".

He was really cute. And that dark suit looks really nice on him, thought Dazai as he sipped slowly from his glass, checking Atsushi out.

Dazai could not help but feel slightly annoyed though. Atsushi had practically ignored him throughout the evening, too busy thinking about all the good food in front of him.

Dazai hated being ignored. And it was time to change things.

He emptied his glass in one shot and headed for Atsushi, deliberately ignoring Kunikida, who was shouting at him not to drink too much.

Atsushi had his back to him, and he was staring at a tiger-shaped crystal statue.

Dazai's gaze fell beneath the waistband of Atsushi's trousers. Yes, those dark pants definitely looked good on him.

"It's so beautiful..." whispered Atsushi.

Dazai chuckled to himself before crying out in a loud, clear voice: "Ah, it sure is, Atsushi-kun! I'm enjoying the view myself!"

Atsushi jumped, totally caught off guard: "D-Dazai-san!"

He moved so suddenly that he lightly touched the statue, which began to swing. Atsushi's face turned pale, before he managed to move and grab the statue, preventing it from falling and shattering on the ground.

Atsushi breathed a sigh of relief: "Ah, I can finally breathe again."

He quickly turned around to look at his heckler.

"Dazai-san, you scared me."

"It was not my intention, Atsushi-kun." Dazai winked at him. "Or maybe it was, who knows". He continued, before Atsushi could scold him: “Are you having fun?”

Atsushi's face lit up again: “Oh, yes, I am! I've never been to a place like this. There's so much food, and the music is nice. Everyone is having so much fun.”

He looked towars the dance floor, where an overly enthusiastic Yosano had dragged Kunikida, who on the other hand looked like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Dazai promised himself to tease him later.

His thoughts were interrupted by Atsushi who asked: “What about you, Dazai-san? Is everything okay?”

Dazai replied dramatically: “Ah, not at all, Atsushi-kun! I searched all night for the beautiful woman who will finally commit a double-suicide with me, but my search was in vain!”

Atsushi rolled his eyes and sighed: “But there isn't any woman here, Dazai-san, except the ones from our Agency.”

“Ah, you clearly don't know anything about love, Atsuhsi-kun” He replied, outraged. “Fate works in mysterious ways. I could meet the woman of my life just now!”

Atsushi merely shook his head, too familiar to his senior's eccentricity.

All of a sudden, out of the corner of his eyes, Dazai saw Kyouka across the room. She had probably lost sight his friend and was searching for him again. Dazai wasn't ready to let go of Atsushi so soon.

“Come on” he told him, taking him by his arm. “Walk outside with me for a while, will you?”

“S-sure” replied Atsushi, letting Dazai drag him away.

It was a little cold outside, but Dazai liked the feeling of the cool breeze caressing his face. He helped him clear his head. And right now he really needed to do just that.

Atsushi stared at him, worried. “Are you okay, Dazai-san? You haven't said a word since we left.”

Dazai felt suddenly nervous, but he managed not to show it too much. “You know I'm always fine, Atsushi-kun. I probably drank to much. Don't say that to Kunikida-kun thought”.

Atsushi chuckled. “I won't”.

They walked in silence for another minute or two. He was Atsushi who broke the silence again.

“Thank you, Dazai-san. If it wasn't for you, I would never be able to experience any of this. I was so lost before you found me and gave me a new home, with you and the others.” He stopped walking and turned around, stopping right if front of Dazai. “So thank you for always taking care of me.”

Atsushi's eyes while he was looking at him were filled with so much intensity, with so much affection that something in Dazai snapped. He suddenly leaned forward and captured Atsushi's lips in a kiss. He wasn't too surprised to feel Atsushi immediately return the kiss, opening slightly his lips to let Dazai's tongue touch his.

Dazai knew how much he meant for Atsushi. He just hoped Atsushi knew how much he meant to him too.

When they separated – too soon – Dazai leaned his forehead against Atsushi's, slowly breathing in and out together.

“Take care of me too then, okay?” said Dazai, before kissing Atsushi again.

[humandazai]

Dazatsu Week 2019 - Day 2

Title: Home, together

Rating: General Audiences

Prompt: Vulnerability

(This is veeery short, and my English is still terrible, sorry)

"When someone's father pass away, they will cry."

That's what Dazai-san had told him, after they found out that the man who raised - and tormented - Atsushi for years had died.

And Atsushi did just that. He cried.

He didn't even know how much time has passed since he started, but when the last of his tears slid down his cheek, it was getting dark.

Atsushi stood up with difficulty from the bench on which he had sat for what were probably hours, and started to walk, aimlessy.

He had not been walking for a long time when he saw a dark figure leaning against one of the street lamps along the street.

His tiger senses immediately alerted him, but after just a second Atsushi let his guard down, a baffled expression on his face.

"Dazai... san?"

His senior smiled, gently encircled by the dim light of the lamp.

"Ohi, Atsushi-kun."

Getting more and more confused: "W-what are you doing here?"

Dazai made a dramatic gesture. "Ah, you disappoint me, Atsushi-kun. I was waiting for you, of course. It's my duty as your precious senpai to make sure you make it home safely."

Atsushi blinked, too shocked to reply.

Dazai broke the silence again.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go!"

Dazai took his hand.

Atsushi jumped, as if he had just come out of a dream.

The weight in his heart suddenly decreased. He felt so much more... safe.

"Y-yeah. Let's go home."

He reciprocated Dazai's gesture, intertwining his fingers with his.

[humandazai]

Dazatsu Week 2019 - Day 1

Title: Sharing

Rating: General Audiences

Prompt: Boredom

(English is not my native language, so forgive my mistakes and my poor, broken english)

It was mostly during days like these, when everything seemed quiet and the office was basically empty, that Dazai tried the best he could to disturb Atsushi, who was desperately trying to finish the work Kunikida-kun had assigned him - paperwork, mostly.

"A-tsu-shi-kuuun"

Atsushi merely glared at the man next to him, before returning to his papers.

"Don't ignore me, Atsushi-kun! It's very rude to ignore your seniors, especially if it's me. I may even die just for the shock of it!"

Atsushi sighed. "You should focus on your job, Dazai-san. Kunikida-san will be angry with you if you mess up with his schedule... again."

Dazai snorted. "But it's booooring. I can't die of boredom, it would be too..."

"Boring?" Atsushi interrupted him.

"So you agree with me, Atsushi-kun!"

Atsushi could feel himself rolls his eyes.

"Neh, let's do something fun, Atsushi-kun"

Dazai kept staring at him hopefully. He looked like a giant puppy, and Atsushi could already imagine the offended expression on Dazai's face if he told him that.

Damn him. He knows I can't say no to him for too long.

"Fine" he tried to ignore Dazai's little squek of victory. "Let's make it quick though, I still have to finish this before Kunikida-san murder me".

He just followed Dazai as he trotted to the exit. Why do I always do this? he tought.

They were walking in silence for 15 minutes, before Atsushi decided to ask.

"Where are we going, Dazai-san?"

Dazai smiled mysteriously, as always.

"You'll see."

Dazai stopped when they arrived at beautiful park, surrounded by greenery and cherry trees.

He went straight to sit on a bench in front of a small pond.

"Sit with me, Atsushi-kun?"

Atsushi did. He looked at the sight in front of him.

Crystalline water glistened in the sunlight, and a couple of swans were swimming a little farther. It was so peaceful.

He wondered why Dazai-san would want to come at a place like that. Didn't he say he wanted to do something fun? He turned to look at the man sitting next to him, and what he saw was not what he expected to see.

Every trace of Dazai playfulness was gone, replaced with a soft, melancholic smile. Atsushi kept staring at him, enraptured. He suddenly wanted to give him a hug.

Atsushi may be naive, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that Dazai-san hid a lot of suffering behind those silly smiles of his, behind all those attempt to make people go nuts just for the fun of it. He just wish he could help him somehow.

When he found the courage to speak, he did it as gently as he could, just a whisper.

"... What are we doing here, Dazai-san?"

Dazai sighed, soft smile still on his face.

When he spoke, he did so with what seemed like some kind of reverence.

"I had a friend. He told me how sometimes he came here when he need to clear his head and to find inspiration. To write his novel, you know. This was a really dear place to him. I never came here though." He stopped for a second.

He slowly turned to look at him, smiling brightly." I thought maybe you would like to watch this with me".

Atsushi blinked, and than felt his lips widen into a smile too. "Of course, Dazai-san".

Maybe Atsushi didn't always understand Dazai-san. He was a very difficult man to understand, after all. But still - he thought, brushing his pinkie against Dazai’s - he would always stand right next to him, as long as he needed him.