#dazian

[dapper-ships-herself]

You are cordially invited

Are those wedding bells you hear? Yes they are! Because Osamu Dazai and I, Gillian, are getting married!

With all the shitty sadness in my own thoughts and in the world, some happy is needed, and what's happier and more loving than a wedding~

The date isn't set yet, but I will keep you updated~

Dazai and I both thank each and every one of you who have given your support ever since the start of this blog, I love y'all~

[dapper-ships-herself]

Osamu Dazai has thrown himself off a cliff into the watery embrace of the ocean below, hoping to be claimed by it's depths. But, before the salt water can fill his lungs and take him fully, he sees a figure swim towards him.

He'd heard so many tales of the mermaids, like everyone has. Magically brutal, vicious creatures that happily relish in luring people of all kinds into the waves only to tear them limb from limb and devour them, turning their waters crimson. People shudder with fear whenever they catch a glimpse of gleaming scales breaching the surface in the distance, sailors spend much of their journeys with their ears stuffed to avoid their call. These things are killers; and yet this one...

Gillian had been swimming closer to shore than typically recommended for her people, but the day was overcast and not many humans were walking by, so she figured it was safe enough; and it was then that she saw a figure standing up high on the edge of a cliff, and no sooner had she registered what she saw that the figure leapt off the rock. Before it even hit the water, she was swimming in it's direction.

She'd heard so many tales of humans, like everyone has. Alluringly cruel creatures that take joy in the hunt of capturing mermaids, either to take them to be cut apart or kept in tiny tanks never to feel the sea's loving embrace again. Mers shied away from the beaches when people were out and about, they shuddered and turned tail when ships cleaved through the waves. These things are killers, and yet this one...

Is so beautiful

Bonus:

I love mermay~

[dapper-ships-herself]

Birthday gifts

Happy birthday, Dazai, my love!

---------

Gillian lay in her bed, blanket fallen half way down her back as she propped herself on her elbows to stare at the sleeping face of her boyfriend. The day was new and the sunlight peeking through the curtains cast a soft glow on his face, highlighting each feature in ethereal beauty; from his slightly parted lips to his loose strands of fluffy, brown hair sticking out around him. She loved him. She always knew that fact; Osamu Dazai had her completely and utterly in his thrall, in love in a way she'd never been before and never even thought possible. She could talk for days upon days upon eternity about the ways that she loves him, and it was in the soft, quiet moments like these that she had to sit and reflect that all those reasons really danced about the surface of her thoughts.

She reached over and brushed a piece of hair away from his cheek, lightly caressing his skin with her finger tips as she did so. He stayed perfectly asleep, and she smiled at how unburdened and adorable he looked like this. Gillian leaned and oh so delicately placed a kiss on his cheek, and then another when he still stayed asleep, chest falling and rising evenly. She trailed feather light kisses on his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, all along his face. Still though, despite being normally a pretty light sleeper, his chest stayed falling and rising in even, sleepy breaths, seemingly still fast asleep.

She huffed, but there was no mistaking the fondness written clearly all across her face. "Come on, lazy, wakey wakey. If kisses are too gentle, then I can always give you a good pinch to wake you up." She grabbed his cheek with two fingers, ready to pull at it; but before she could, two arms quick as a whip, despite their owners apparent sluggishness, wrapped around her and pulled her flush against Dazai.

"No pinching, please~ I like your kisses so much better~" He spoke with his face pressed to her hair. One hand held onto her shoulder, while the other day securely on her waist.

"I knew it, you were already awake." She jabbed him in the shoulder.

"Ouch. Of course I'm awake; I could feel the delicate gaze of an angel upon me~" He kissed her hair, running his thumb down and up along her shoulder.

"Well, this angel has been trying to get you to stop playing sleeping beauty and get you to wake up because it's a very important day today."

"Oh? And what day would that be?" He shifted to press light, sweet kisses along down to her neck, where he buried his nose in the crook between her neck and shoulder.

"June 19th ring any bells?"

"Hmmm, nope. Can't say that it does." He smiled into her skin.

"Really? And here this whole time I thought you were such a genius, but looks like you're a dumb ass after all."

"Hey! That's no way to talk to the birthday boy!"

"Aha!" She propped herself up to hover above him. "So you do remember~"

He put his hands up by his head. "You caught me, you caught me!" He laughed, eyes closed. When he opened them again, he gazed up at her with such love and fondness that matched her own.

She hummed, an adoring smile also on her own face. She pinched his nose in playful revenge before lowering to finally kiss his lips. "Happy birthday, Osamu, my love~"

His hands came up to tenderly hold her, a hand on her hair and her side, as he brought her into another kiss. "Thank you, Gillian, my darling~"

When they broke their kiss, Gillian lay on top of him, idly playing with and twirling his hair. "So, anything in particular you want to do today? It's all up to you; you can pull me along on whatever craziness you want today." She teased.

"Hm, tempting, but," Dazai's hands caressed along Gillian's sides, down and up. "I think what I'd much rather do today is spend the morning pretending the rest of the world isn't out there while I lay in bed with my beautiful girlfriend," he leaned up to kiss her to punctuate his statement. "and we can save the crazy for later in the day."

"As the birthday boy commands~" She snuggled up into his chest, his warmth surrounding her and his arms holding her perfectly secure in his embrace. "You're so lucky I love you; the sacrifices I make for you for today~"

She felt his laugh jostle her. "Yes, the things you do for love. I'm the luckiest man ever, to have a girlfriend as generous as you, my Gillian."

"Damn straight."

The sun's glow continued to stream into the room, and the couple continued to enjoy each other's embrace well into the day.

---

True to Dazai's wish, he and Gillian spent most of the day simply enjoying each other's company; sometimes talking, over times sitting and relishing in the fact that the two of them have each other. They did venture out into the city, but only to go to the park for a shirt while to feel the grass under them and look out over the waves while they are their lunch. Yokohama is a truly great city that they both care for deeply, but hanging around too much outside tends to get them both wrapped up into some trouble or another, and on this day they both agreed that trouble was what they wanted to stay away from. And on that, fate decided to be merciful; peaceful sunshine and gentle, salty breezes were all that came to greet them.

They returned home before the sun set, where they watched movies and joked and teased, laughing and poking, and doing a fair bit more kissing and holding each other as well. Finally, it came time for dinner. Gillian insisted he sit while she cooked, coming out with a crab dish that she knew he loved.

She clapped her hands as soon as they both finished. "Okay; now it's time for cake and your present!" She stood up, giving Dazai a quick boop on the nose before collecting both of their plates and taking them to the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a homemade cake encircled by lit candles. She set the cake on the table in front of him, sitting and wrapping her arms around him while she sang happy birthday to him, kissing his cheek when he blew out the candle. "Happy birthday, love~ What did you wish for?"

"You know as well as I do that that's supposed to be secret." He looked down at her, one arm slung around her.

"Lame, you can tell me."

"Let me think... Hm, nope!" He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Hmph, really making me rethink giving you this present." She pulled out the carefully wrapped box from her pocket, kept there because she knew for certain he would sneak a peak unless she kept it on her person. She stood up from the table and walked a few steps away, crossing her arms.

"Awe, belladonna please!" He approached her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, leaning to rest his chin on her shoulder. "I'm sorry~ Please may I see my gift? I'm really curious to know what you got me."

She glanced at him. "How about you guess."

"Playing hard to get on my birthday of all days? Alright. Silk bandages to replace my usual ones?"

She snorted. "Definitely not, take another guess."

"A signed copy of the complete suicide manual?"

"Nope, anymore guesses?"

"What about... A solid gold, life sized statue of yours truly!"

She giggled and reached back to smack his arm lightly with the box before waving it in front of him. "You can see how big this box is, can't you? Hurry up and open it already, enough guessing."

Dazai took took the box from Gillian, and she turned to face him while he opened it, undoing the ribbon and ripping the wrapping paper. He revealed a long, flat box that he took the lid from to reveal a necklace; a purple crystal sat lodged securely in it's center, Serch Bythol craved into the crystal.

"Do you know what the Serch Bythol means, Dazai?" Gillian asked.

"Can't say that I do." He said, running his fingers gently over it's surface.

"It is a Celtic symbol," She grabbed the necklace and walked behind Dazai, unclasping it and reaching up to secure it around him. "it symbolizes everlasting love; the two three cornered knots, each representing the three aspects of a person, coming together to symbolize two people joined forever in love." She came back around to hold the pendant in her hand. "I know you're not as into jewelry as I am, but you gave me a beautiful necklace not long ago," she reaches up with her other hand to touch the necklace sitting under her shirt. "and I couldn't get you out of my mind when I saw this. Plus, look at this feature." She presses a button on the necklaces side, and it open to reveal that it's actually a locket, a picture of her and a picture of Dazai already nestled inside. "Now, no matter what, not only am I always with you, but we're always together. Do you like it?"

"Like it?" He tilted her face up towards his. "I absolutely love it." He kissed first her forehead, then both cheeks, and then her lips. "You're the only person to put so much thought into a gift for me."

"Well, I'd be a pretty shitty girlfriend if I only gave you some random bullshit."

He chuckled. "I'd be happy with anything so long as it came from you." He kissed her again, a light peck. "Now, speaking of gifts, I know it's untraditional, but I have something for you too."

She blinked. "But, it's your birthday, not mine."

He held up a hand. "I already said I know it's untraditional."

"Dazai-"

"Ah ah ah." He put his hand to her lips. "It would make the birthday boy so very happy if you would at least see what it is~"

She rolled her eyes, but made a "go on" motion with her hand.

He grinned, stepping back and sliding his hand from her mouth to her hand, lacing their fingers together.

"Gillian, you are the unequivocal love of my life. Once upon a time, I thought I would know nothing but darkness, that my life was already lost to a meaningless existence. I craved nothing more than to throw myself to bloodshed to try and fill the void within myself until I finally found relief. There've been multiple factors leading me away from that thinking, and you have been one of the most powerful. Everyday, from the moment we first met, you fill my life with more and more light, coloring the dreary monotone. You know what I've done, the pain I've caused and the evil I've spread, and you still see hope within me. I look at you, who's brave enough to hold these blood stained hands and still call them home, and I know that not only do I want to be a better man, I need to be a better man as to not disapoint your expectations. I love you so much, I want to hold you close forever, remind you every day how special you are to me, to kiss you and hold you every opportunity I get, always and forever. I promise to make you feel safe and loved and happier than anybody anywhere, if you will please stay with me; notsimply as my girlfriend, but as my wife." Dazai gets on one knee then, smoothly pulling a little box out of his pocket and popping it open to reveal the most beautiful opal inlaid ring Gillian has ever seen. "Gillian, will you marry me?"

She'd already started crying half way through his speech, maybe not even halfway; tears rolled along her face the moment she realized where this was going. She couldn't even respond at first, all words caught within her in a jumbled blend of emotion. She goes to her knees to be level with him, still clutching his hand tightly, so warm and so secure. Her free hand cups his cheek, and she replies. "Of course, of course I will be your wife. You're my love, my darling Dazai, I never want to be apart from you. The emotions you give me, I need life times upon life times to be able to describe them all to you, so I am more than happy to start with this one. I love you, Osamu Dazai, as you love me, and I always will."

They kissed, deep and passionate feelings flowing between each other. Without separating, Dazai slipped the engagement ring onto Gillian's finger.

This is only the events of one birthday, but there will be many more for the happy couple, Gillian and Osamu, Mr. and Mrs. Dazai, to be with each other, happily and forever in love.

[dapper-ships-herself]

I hear wedding bells 💜 ~

So yeah, I figured I would probably just do the one prompt from yesterday for @fofebruary that I posted, then last night I got soft thinking about the poetic beauty of mafia! Gillian and Dazai finally getting married, so here we are.

The proposal actually happens a while before they start for real dating.

There's a moment sometime during the story, where they've kept having to see each other through all these events and having to confront their feelings and their pasts and each other, and one night after an arc gets wrapped up, Dazai comes home and I'm just sitting in his house like "what's up, we need to have a talk."

And we pour our hearts out and it's a struggle because we're both pretty emotionally supressed, but we both know this is long over due and needs to be done, and we talk about why Dazai left me and the mafia without a word, how we've both been feeling and dealing with everything, and so on. Then I get up and walk by him on my way to the door but he catches my wrist (a little parallel to our reunion, if you remember from that piece I turn away from him and he tries to grab me but I vanish into the shadows before he can, so this is like, there's no more running from each other, no more turning our backs, we're connected and we can't deny that), and he says "I've missed you, Gillian."

And then:

Gillian glanced down at their joined hands, the soft moonlight making it seem as if they glowed in the faint light. She looked back up into Dazai's earnest eyes. "I... I've missed you too, Osamu." Her smile is small, but it's genuine.

He's not done talking yet, though. "I know I abandoned you, I left you alone in a horrible nightmare, and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry. I can say I thought I was doing what was right and best for you all I want, but that will never change the fact that I was wrong. Hurting someone like you is the greatest sin I've committed, and if nothing else what I will likely burn for. But, if there's any reason for me to stay alive it's to spend my life making up for that mistake."

His eyes hold hers in an iron gave, so captivating and strong that she wondered for a moment if his true ability is some kind of hypnosis. "What are you saying?" She whispered.

He moved, still looking her in the eyes and never letting go of her hand, so he was kneeling on the floor in front of her. "I promise that you will never be alone again, that I will never leave you alone again. I will never let you go again, and I will remain with you forever, dedicated to you."

"What, you know I'm still in the mafia right? And you're in the agency? How- How are you supposed to stay by my side when we're enemies?"

"I know all that, but that's not what matters to me. Even if our organizations clash, no matter which side either of us is on, the mafia, the agency, light, or dark, it won't make me break my promise. Not again. I betrayed your trust once, please let me spend every opportunity I can fixing the bond I broke." His series face changes to have a small smile as he gazes up at her. "You've said before that we were the only ones keeping you sane within the mafia. I always thought that was funny, as I never particularly felt I did anything to warrant that. If anyone was a bright spot in that place, it was you."

Her hand trembled and she had to bite down on her lip "I'm nothing but darkness, how can someone like me be anyone's light?"

"One day, I promise that I will tell you everyway you've made this life worth living." His thumb rubs across the back of her hand, and he breaks their eye contact only to close his eyes and kiss her skin. "Will you wait with me for that day? When we can both be together?"

They both knew that whatever this not fully spoken thing between them could not bud in their current circumstances, but... but could it really one day bloom into something beautiful?

"Okay," she said "I will wait with you."

---

That's basically how it goes!

Then there's more story stuff, eventually everyone thinks I get killed at one point but I survive and spend some time with an all girl biker gang (more on them later) and have a fun female empowerment adventure, come back to Yokohama after a bit and reveal I'm still alive, but I learned some stuff and finally decide I no longer have to feel chained to Ogai and after a tense talk he lets me leave the mafia because no matter what I am his daughter and he does care, and not right away but I do join the agency and a bit after that Dazai and I start for real dating and a while after that we make good on that proposal~

Dazai's wedding party consists of Kunikida as best man, Atsushi, and maybe Tanizaki and a sort of begrudging Ranpo (who's mainly there for the cake).

Ango could be in his party to, but he might also just be a guest.

My wedding party consists of Yosano, the leader of the biker gang (the whole gang wanted to be in the wedding party but it was agreed the leader would represent them), and Chuuya.

Yumeno is the ring bearer, and Kyouka is the flower girl along with maybe Kenji.

Ogai does walk me down the aisle, and the whole thing is a neutral occasion for the Port Mafia and the detective agency and there's quite a few mafia members there including Higuchi (who cries), Akutagawa, and the black lizard. It's a whole party of celebrating not only live but also our differences and it's a night of no fighting and coming together!

Kouyou definitely cries but pretends she's not.

Fukuzawa is the official. Or maybe it'd be funny if that guy who heads the special abilities division did it, that guys definitely there and gets drunk either way.

And Odasaku is watching the whole time, proud of these two crazy kids who managed to find love in the dark.

Bonus, the wedding outfit sketches:

(the skirt is not see through, though there is a see through fabric around it, I just wanted to sketch the shoes too. The sleeves are see through save for the embroidery.)

(not to be completely shameless but reblogs are appreciated ✌️)

[dapper-ships-herself]

Welcome to self indulgence central woot woot 

I sit in his lap~

[dapper-ships-herself]

We kiss because we in love

[dapper-ships-herself]

22 w/ whichever f/o you’d like? :O

So um, this got long and also it’s late so I haven’t really checked it for spelling and grammar errors or anything like that.

Also, I couldn’t decide if it should be Dazai or I doing the comforting, so the reason it’s so long is because I wrote both.

Both are with ADA! Gillian, second one takes place before we actually start dating.

22. Comforting each other after a nightmare.

---

Cornered.

To the right, to the left, and at their backs, towered dark walls that rose high into the murky sky. Before them, a hoard of men in suits stalked forward, their faces constantly shifting masks of horror.

She did her best to use every inch of her tiny body to stand tall in front of the one she had to protect, the little girl shivering and cowering behind her.

The man at the front of the hoard smiled, his mouth cracking his face as it spread from ear to ear, putting on display his shinning white fangs. “Are you the one we’re looking for?” His voice over lapped itself, a mockery of speech.

“Yes.” She bravely spoke the words that damned her.

Was it possible for it’s smile to deepen even further? “Then the other one is useless.” The forms of the other men behind him began to drip and mix together, forming a black, oozing mass of many eyes that bored down at her. The next sound nearly deafened her, the echoing bang of a fired gun, and then she was kneeing on the ground over the cold form of the little girl who’d meant more to her than anything. Blood coated her arms, it covered her face, it dripped down the walls and onto her from above, the monstrosity covering her in crimson tears. Her hands shook and it laughed. The only warmth she felt was from the blood on her hands.

She hadn’t fired the gun, but she’d killed her with her words.

Fire bubbled and built within her. It filled her like lava and she was merely it’s vessel, and when the man’s clawed hand closed around her upper arm, she erupted.

Her scream ripped apart everything around her, shattering reality and turning it to dust. Her throat burned. There was nothing but her rage and sorrow, and then that was gone too, but she was still screaming.

“Gillian.”

Her eyes flew open with a jot, and her hands snapped up to grasp whatever it was hovering above her, her nails involuntarily digging into it. That was when she realized it was saying her name in a soft, insistent voice, and that it wasn’t an it but a who.

Her racing mind slowly allowed her gaze to focus on Dazai. He’d propped himself up in the bed so that she was caged between his arms, his right hand closed around her shoulder. He looked down at her, concern in his eyes. She gasped for breath, and only realized she was crying when she noticed how wet her cheeks were.

His eyes softened to understanding, and it only took one word from him for her to know he knew exactly what she’d been dreaming about. “Ume?”

She sobbed upon hearing her sister’s name spoken out loud.

Dazai pulled Gillian up into a sitting position, holding her tightly to his chest as her buried one hand in her hair and the other rubbed against her back. He let her sob into his shirt, and she held him with the desperation of a drowning woman.

“It was my fault.” She whimpered. Her voice was hoarse, and were normally her ability would mask any fatigue or crack in her voice and make it melodious no matter what, Dazai’s cancellation ability left her no room for hiding, and every inch of her sorrow seeped out in the rawness of her words.

“You know that’s not true.” He whispered against her hair. His low voice burrowed into her, caressing her in the same way his hands did. Still, her sobs continued.

“All I wanted… All I wanted was to save her. I thought that they’d take me and leave her be, I never meant for them to… to…”

Dazai shushed her, pressing a kiss to her hairline. “I know. You tried. You tried to save her.”

“I was her big sister; I was supposed to do more than try. I was supposed to protect her.”

He squeezed Gillian tighter, letting her curl her body into his. He did his best to wrap around her and become her shield against the world, even though he knew he couldn’t protect her from her own memories. They sat there for a while, him whispering calming words to her, and slowly her breathing steadied and her tears became a mere trickle. Even when the tears stopped, and she was exhausted back into sleep, he continued to hold her and whisper his sweet words.

---------

He was drowning.

He was falling.

It was dark.

The light burned his eyes.

He couldn’t breathe.

His breathing was rapid and desperate and he choked on the air.

Hands grabbed his skin and tore into the flesh, ripped at his hair, and clawed for his eyes. One hand grabbed the side of his face and fell away.

Dazai gasped, and his hands fisted into his sheets. He panted, and waited for his body to calm. The nightmares weren’t new.

He knew how to calm himself after them, how long to wait before he could take even breaths in the night air again. This time, though, he found his hands still shook minutes after he awoke. Guess this nightmare shook him more than most.

He sat up, running a trembling hand through his hair. He reached out to his side and picked up his phone, checking the time to see it was still the middle of the night. He sighed, knowing he’d likely not be getting any more sleep tonight.

Idly, he moved the phone between his hands and his thoughts wandered, and he found them moving in the direction away from the horrors of his past to much more recent memories that soothed his soul like a balm. He thought of the way her smile brightened her face, he heard the sound of her laughter and saw her eyes shine with joy when she caught his gaze. Earlier that day, he’d felt her dainty hands grasp one of his in excitement. It was a strange thought, but he found himself wishing he could feel that touch again, rounding him and settling the trembling he still felt.

Dazai considered himself to be a man in control of his every action, he did nothing without explicitly meaning to do so, so the sound of his own phone dialing surprised him. The name of the exact girl who’d been occupying his thoughts written across the screen: Gillian.

He almost hung up, when she answered. Her voice, still half asleep, floated through the speaker. “Hello?”

Well, he’d have to go along with the whims of his unconscious actions now. “And a lovely good morning to you~” he chirped “Though I suppose it’s still too early to be called morning.”

“Dazai,” she yawned, muffled to where he assumed she’d turned her face from the phone “you know I’m always happy to hear from you, but it’s a bit unusual for you to be calling so late. Is something going on, do you need anything?”

“Ah, I must apologize, it seems I accidentally dialed you in my sleep! I only woke up and noticed a moment before you answered.”

She was quiet for a minute, and he briefly wondered if she’s already fallen back asleep, when she spoke again “Yeah, okay so that’s a lie.”

“Oh? What makes you think that?” He’d assumed that even if she did see past the tone of his voice, she’d be too tired to examine it.

“First off, you’re much too awake to have only woken up a minute ago. Second, I can feel your negative emotions from my apartment; something scared you.”

“Isn’t the empathy aspect of your ability too minor to sense emotions from a distance? Maybe you’re mistaking me for Yosano, perhaps you should go to her room and check on her.”

“Hm, nope. It’s only an impression, but I know it’s you. What happened?”

He sighed into the phone, exaggerating the sound. “Oh, you’ve caught me, I had a frightful dream is all and in my flailing that’s when I accidentally called you. Embarrassing, I know! But, I assure you I’m perfectly fine, the dream was actually rather silly now that I think about it. See, I was being chased by a giant spoon, and it-“ Dazai paused in his tale, picking up the sound of something rusting and moving about from Gillian’s otherwise quiet side of the call. “Wat are you doing?”

“Putting my shoes on.” She answered simply.

“Why?”

“Because I’m heading over to your place.”

His spine straightened at that, eyes widening slightly. “Ah, there’s really no need-“

“Already outside,” She interrupted him “and it’s chilly so you’d better answer your door when I knock! See you in a second~” She hung up the phone.

He lowered the phone from his ear and stared at it, and the fact that they lived in the same building meant her knock on his door came not even a minute later, not even giving him time to prepare for her arrival. He pushed the blanket off of his legs, figuring his best course of action would be to answer the door like she said, otherwise he knew she’d stay out there half the night, if not all night.

“Come on in.” He swept his arm out in a welcoming gesture as soon as he’d opened the door.

She grinned up at him, her arms wrapped around herself to ward off the cold, her pajamas hardly doing anything to help. “Thank you very much~” She nudged her shoes off and bounced past him, and he shut and relocked the door before following her back into the apartment.

All the lights were still off, so he could only use the little moonlight slipping in to see her curious eyes staring at him. “There was really no need for you to come here; I promise it was only a bad dream.”

She nodded “But dreams can still have a real effect on us, and I can tell whatever it was about is really sticking with you.”

“Because of your empathy?”

“Because I know you.” Her eyes searched deep into his “Do you want to tell me what it was about?”

“It-“ He found the words freezing in his throat. He couldn’t understand it, why was it so much harder to keep up his mask around her? Somehow her presence constantly managed to chip at the cracks and wiggle through. Part of him whispered how it wanted to simply relax and lower the mask, part of him hissed that it wanted to force her out of his home so as to not be forced to feel the searing intensity of those gentle eyes. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.” He managed to say.

Her eyes stayed the same, but she made a hum in the back of her throat. “Okay, I understand not wanting to talk about it.” She rocked on her heel for a minute and Dazai could practically see the thoughts working in her head. “Be honest, would you rather I leave now, go back to my own dorm, and leave you alone for the night?”

The response, merely a simple yes, please, was right on his tongue, but once again the words froze. Ah, this was almost frustrating. He swallowed, thick and audible in the quiet; and after a long stretch of silence, he finally spoke a true word. “Stay.” The vulnerability in his voice burned his throat.

She smiled, and the compassion and understanding in her eyes elicited an unfamiliar emotion within himself. “Then, will you let me help you fall back asleep for the night?”

“How do you plan to do that?”

“First, is it okay for me to enter your room?”

He blinked, and again the voice inside him wanted to deny her, but there was curiosity now too, so he nodded, and she beckoned him to follow her.

Perhaps in any other situation, allowing a woman into his room so late at night would hold a different connotation, but with her it was only ever innocence.

He watched Gillian approach his bed, and she then she sat on it, kneeling, and patted her lap with a smile. “Lay down.” She said.

… “Huh?”

“I said, lay down; this is how I’m going to help you sleep.” She titled her head, nothing but pure intentions coming from her. He thought about turning this into some sort of joke, making a sly comment on the suggestive nature of the situation, but he was too tired for that now.

So, he figured to hell with it, and walked over to the bed. Dazai lay down, positioning himself so his head nestled onto Gillian’s legs. As soon as he was settled, her hands found their way into his hair, petting and smoothing the strands in a calm, repetitive motion. “There we go, you can relax now.” She said, her voice soft and soothing. “I know you must’ve been scared, but it’s all right now.”

Dazai knew his ability never failed him, but for once he idly wondered if perhaps it’d chosen now to stop working. After all, if Gillian wasn’t using Silver Tongued Maiden to command his body into relaxing, then how was she doing this? How was she capable of bringing him such calm in such simple ways?

“You… I think I have you all figured out, and then you find new ways to confound me.”

She giggled, and the sound made him close his eyes so he could focus only on it and the warmth seeping into him from her body, the feeling of her hands working across his forehead. “I think I will take that as a compliment. Now shush, and relax. Rest, and I promise not even dreams will hurt you while I’m here.”

As he’d done so many times that night, he obeyed her. He felt almost like a child, finding comfort this way, but he also couldn’t be bothered to mind that. Not when it was Gillian doing the comforting.

So, he let her lull him to sleep that night, and even in his dreams, he felt her warmth.        

[dapper-ships-herself]

So Dazai's birthday is in two days (almost midnight so about to be 1) and I want to reblog a bunch of Dazai stuff on the day to make the blog all about him, but I generally stay out of his tag since way too much ship stuff lurks there, so would it be selfish to ask for some of y'all to send me some good Dazai posts 🤘