"I was not Compassion when I was at the Spire, I was Cole. Or Ghost of the Spire. No flowing words or hurts heard, only faintest of whispers in my ear. I spoke like a person, thought like a person and acted like a person. Then I became Compassion and I changed. I sung sentences, listened to pain and hurt from sufferers. I acted like a spirit, thought like a spirit and tried to be a spirit. Then I became Cole once more, but not Ghost of the Spire. Just Cole, hearing hurts but fainter, knowing more of man. I've been all of these, Solas, but I was still always me"
Hey, I'm Ana and I'm a Colemancer. And as everyone is giving their own opinions on the subject, I thought I'd give my reasons and thoughts on colemancing too.
(Warning; gonna be speaking 'bout sex graphically, for a reason. It's also assumed I'm speaking of Human!Cole here)
The common argument against Cole in a relationship, is that Cole doesn't know better. The writer of Asunder also suggested this.
He seems to have forgot that he himself made Cole act like a lovesick puppy at Evangeline. Not just once, but many times in the book. And not just in a confused about love way. Cole's next thought in one of these parts is 'I bet she thinks I'm a dumb kid'. Cole is not only aware that his affections could be rejected. But also aware what affection is. (link to book parts detailing it)
Not to mention, Cole has seen sex plenty before. He used to watch mages fuck, maybe out of boredom or just curiosity. He'd know at least the basics.
And, on the more gross side for some, he thought he was human for a while. He sweat when nervous, ate when hungry and slept when tired. Yes, he could go without when stressed. But doing that still showed on his body somehow. That, and the real Cole was young when he was taken to the Spire. According to the first chapter of Asunder, he had been thrown into the dungeons when he first entered the Spire. And then forgotten there. By his nightmare, Cole was at most 13 by then. What this means, is that Cole went through puberty. Otherwise, he would still look like a child in Asunder and in Inquisition.
He would have had wet dreams and erections a-plenty in his mid to late teens, given his body actually aged. And I don't think he abstained from touching himself, either. Given he had tomb raiding and people watching as his only entertainment, I think he indulged his body from time to time. He might not know the words for these things, sure, but he is quick to learn.
Now, there is a case to be made about him being asexual, and I do think that's a fair one. Bodily reactions are not same as actual arousal about things, and asexual people can have romantic relationships and feelings. And I think this is what David Gaider meant (however accidentally) when he explained why Cole was not romanceable.
But, given I'm a sucker for good pr0n, let's assume Cole -is- interested in the physical side of things. How do I see him in a sexual relationship? First of all, Cole comes with a sadly easy pitfall; Writing him as childish even in the sex scenes. I've seen fics where his agency is taken away and he is written somehow too childish to be comfortable to read. This is one reason why I prefer to read Colemance fics from Cole's own POV, as it shows what's going on in his head.
But what of the actual bumping uglies part? I see Cole starting as pretty much one touch and he is gone kind of guy. Affection is not something he has experienced a lot in his life, either when he was in the Spire or just as the real Cole. So he would be easily overwhelmed by anything more than a hug.
The lack of affection is actually something that would be a mental thing as well, as Cole does not expect kindness or care towards himself. I think this part is often ignored in colemance fics, as well. Cole has issues with depersonalisation, he pushes himself away because he was hurt badly at the end of Asunder. Consider that in Asunder, he did want his invisibility to end. The fact that he on purpose makes people forget him in Inquisition shows that he has given up on that dream and now focuses on being selfless. While part of this is due to his spirit nature, Cole states in the cafe scene that it was also fear.
Another part of that would just be how he has lived his life, relying mostly on himself. Abusive childhood would have made him vary to trust people, and we can see that in his interactions with Rhys. Even though Rhys made efforts to reach out for him for a year, Cole is still careful with him. There is also just the fact Cole has lived alone in a strange world with strange rules for most of his teens and his early twenties. If he never had any long term support, he would not expect it.
What does this mean for the fics? First, convincing Cole to have sex would be less teaching him and more showing him he can let himself be selfish in that way. Even then, it would be mostly pleasuring his partner or mutual pleasure. Something like a blowjob would take time, simply because he would feel he was not doing enough for his partner. A big arc that could be done with him, would be teaching him to accept pleasure as well as give it.
Of course, there is another side to him. Cole's reason to depersonalise and focus on others has nothing to do with his spirit nature and everything to do with why he murdered the mages. While the reason he went for them was because they wanted to die and so they saw him, he also feared that something called the darkness would swallow him. His way of killing was also very sexual, stabbing the person to the heart and cradling them as they bled to death. Cole is also very defensive of those he cares about, posessive almost like he was with Rhys.
His button pushed right, Cole would show his posessive side. For example, I could see a jealous Cole trying to mark his partner as his in some way. Of course, he also hates this side of himself a lot and he pleads the inquisitor to kill him if he ever goes back to his old ways. But he also shows signs of it being there, without realising it. I could see rough sex becoming something of a guilty pleasure for Cole. Or just a fic where he deals with the darker aspects of his sexuality (*cough* yeah, written it).
What about relationships, then? Well, again, Cole doesn't expect to be cared for. He focuses on helping others, even to the detriment of himself. And this should not be treated as him not knowing better, he does know better and its clear in the cafe scene. Cole is -choosing- to act like that willingly and he can take care of himself most of the time. It would be cool to see a fic where Cole and his partner would actually end up at odds about this. Not just out of health reasons, but for mental ones as well. Cole would need someone to push him to actually accept affection.
Something that's not touched a lot yet in fics, but something I've had in my mind for a while, Cole as a father. I think he would be scared and uncomfortable about it for a good while, given what he is. And just how little experience he has on good fathers. Now, Cole is responsible and dutiful. But with his issues as they are, I'd say it would take him a good while to warm up to the idea. Of course, given Cole in all likelihood is assumed to be sterile, he would possibly not get the chance to mull over it much as any pregnancy would be a surprise.
As a father, I think he'd be very caring but having trouble expressing himself clearly. Especially once his kids would get older, as Cole's teen years were pretty much living half-feral in the Spire and so he'd lack experience on how normal teenagers act. Though, protective!daddy!Cole is an amusing idea.
Enough of my rambling, though. I love well made colemance and I'm always willing to see more of it!
