de void
heres some more stuff about vani part 4
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The fifth day came around. Though physically Vanitas was getting better, his emotions shifting around so much during the past few days seemed to be waking up Sora’s darkness. This whole thing was foolish. He knew that holding back his Unversed made it build up pressure inside his heart, but if that was also where Sora’s darkness was, then it made sense that it couldn’t sleep.
On the topic of sleeping, Vanitas wasn’t doing much of that either. He got an odd feeling when he went back to the room the day before, like he was being watched. When the feeling continued despite the closed door, he knew he couldn’t sleep if he tried.
So overall he wasn’t in the mood to deal with the other people in the castle that morning. And then Ventus knocked on the door.
“Vanitas?” Ventus called through the door. “Do you want to, uh, eat breakfast with us?”
“No.”
There was a sigh. Then footsteps walked away from the door. Vanitas took that as the end of the conversation and went back to laying down.
A moment later, the bookcase on the left side of the room swung open, startling Vanitas upright and out of the bed. Ventus walked in the room, grinning and holding out a hand. “Come with me.”
Somehow, Ventus had convinced Vanitas to come to breakfast with him. Maybe it was because Vanitas himself felt like he was starting to run low on energy, maybe it was because of something else (something more annoying that should be asleep but instead liked to use his ribcage as a scratching post in order to communicate).
Whatever it was, he certainly had no idea how he ended up being dragged along by the hand through the secret passageway. These thin, run down stone halls… He could feel the heavy disorienting magic, it was the same that ran through the rest of the castle, only moreso. If Ventus wasn’t leading him, Vanitas would likely end up trapped there. Yet another prison, but not nearly as peaceful as Sora’s.
Soon Ventus came to a small door, pushing it open into what Vanitas could only assume was the castle’s pantry, seeing as it was stocked with shelves and shelves of food.
Ventus dragged him from the pantry through the kitchen and into the dining room, where Vanitas was met with the sight of Aqua and Terra setting the table.
There was a small pause in their routine as the two of them saw him, and Vanitas felt his feet become rooted to the hard floor. How was he supposed to “get along” with people he threatened on multiple occasions? He knew and they knew that this would never go well, he could see it in their eyes. But then Terra took a step to the side to set out a fourth plate, and the moment passed.
The breakfast was a small spread of breakfast pastries and meats, alongside some fruit. Vanitas sat in his chair next to Ventus silently. The table was quiet for a while, but then Ventus and Terra started talking about plans for the day.
Vanitas only half-listened in, mostly looking down at the food that was put on his plate and pretending Aqua wasn’t staring at him with that weird look on her face. It was like she was curious about why he was here, but conflicted. She was probably struggling between her own standards of politeness and her wariness of him in general.
He didn’t care either way. As much as making everyone uncomfortable was fun, he was tired and in pain. This new pain was different from his old pain, but he could learn to live with it all the same. Just not right now, while he wasn’t at his best.
Needless to say, Vanitas was distracted enough with picking at his food that when he was included in the conversation it caught him off guard.
“Is there anything you want to do, Vanitas?” Ventus asked him. “Somewhere you want to go?”
Vanitas repressed his natural urge to roll his eyes. A privilege. They were slowly rolling out privileges for his good behavior (aka not attempting to kill anyone). He had an immediate answer for this one since he’d expected them to do something like this.
“The Keyblade Graveyard,” he answered, then finally picked up a tart pastry from his plate and took a big bite of it.
Ventus was confused and looked a little bit like he regretted asking, Terra was surprised and caught off guard, Aqua looked even more suspicious of him but also curious, and Vanitas almost lost focus because of the familiar taste of the sweet berries in the pastry (the flavor brought up memories from long, long ago. memories that didn’t belong to him any more than they belonged to his brother sitting next to him. he hadn’t had anything with flavor in it in a long, long time). All in all, everyone at the table tried and failed to cover up their initial reactions.
Terra spoke next, “Why do you want to go there? It’s a wasteland.”
Vanitas took his time chewing, drawing out the silence in order to think. There was a nonzero chance that they’d let him visit the Graveyard depending on what he said now, but there was basically no chance they’d let him go today.
“I used to live there, I have things I need to get.” He shrugged.
“You used to live there?” Ventus asked in shock. “What, in a cave?”
“Yes.” Vanitas rolled his eyes. “Where else? With the graves?”
Terra set down his fork. “If you lived in a cave, then where did…?” he trailed off. “Nevermind. What are you trying to go back for?”
“Whatever’s left. It’s been over a decade, I’m not kidding myself that anything’s still there.” Then, to add a touch of sentimentality that he knew they’d fall for, he added. “…I’m looking for a memento, mostly.”
“A memento?” Aqua repeated. “Of what?”
Vanitas didn’t respond for a long moment, he took another bite of his food. This conversation was going to steer uncomfortably close to the real truth, but unfortunately in this situation the only lies he knew they’d completely fall for were the true ones. “Who I used to be.”
There’s a moment before Aqua spoke again, “…I see.”
Ventus spoke after a bite of food, looking up at Aqua. “If it’s that important, we could make the trip right?”
“Maybe not today, Ven,” Terra said.
“But soon, yeah?” He practically begged her and Terra. “C’mon guys…”
Again, Vanitas had ended up relying on Ventus to advocate for him. He was starting to dislike this whole trust thing if it meant getting pity points from his brother.
“We can go tomorrow, alright?” Aqua offered. “In the afternoon.”
“That’s fine.” Vanitas nodded. He gestured down to his now empty plate (he’d discarded half the food on it when they weren’t paying attention, he’s never really had much of a stomach), then stood from his seat. “I’m done. I’m going back.”
“Could you take your plate and drop it off in the kitchen?” Ventus asked. Vanitas almost expected more resistance than that, but decided not to waste the opportunity.
Reluctantly, he grabbed his plate and took it with him back to the kitchen. The kitchen was expansive, and obviously made for more than four people living in this castle. He set down his plate near a sink and made his way back to the room. He wondered about the people who used to live here, the ones who laid the powerful enchantments in the foundation. Where were they? Dead now, most likely. And yet still their magic remained.
And so did their eyes, Vanitas thought, having to accept that he likely wouldn’t be getting any actual rest today. Someone was still watching.
Once he was out of sight from the kitchen entrance, Vanitas kept his awareness strictly to his surroundings. Still feeling those eyes, he dipped into a shadow and moved quickly. He didn’t go underneath the first door he came across, but the next door, just in case.
The eyes were gone. Vanitas felt himself relax in a way he hadn’t been able to since he got here. The room he walked into seemed to be an armory of sorts. The walls on the side were lined with keyblade armor, but only small pieces, like the ones Aqua, Terra, and Ventus wore. The center was open, with different marks and scratches covering the hardwood floor. It was like something was supposed to be there, yet wasn’t.
Who cared? Now that he got away from whoever was watching him, he could probably settle in between the sets of armor and sleep for once. It wouldn’t be restful, but it’d be something.
He settles down in the corner, hidden among equipment and metal, but with a perfect view of the door. Now, if only he could feel settled on the inside enough to get some rest, but that little thing never stopped.
As if sensing his thoughts, it moved again, tearing at the walls like a cornered animal. Maybe…
Vanitas held out his hand, releasing a small Unversed. A long time ago, he learned that the way he started to release the buildup of emotions controlled how the rest of it went. The floodgates opened, he felt his energy drain with it. Tens and tens of the same kind of tiny creatures of darkness and suppressed emotion poured out from him. His arms, his shoulders, his chest, they crawled out of his skin because he couldn’t summon the energy to release them himself. The pressure in his heart was releasing, he felt lighter. More numb.
But now he had to deal with all these Unversed, which swarmed all over the sets of armor. He sent them into the shadows, he didn’t care what they did as long as they stayed out of sight.
Finally, Sora’s darkness stopped its clawing, no longer being suffocated. Vanitas couldn’t even feel relief at the end of its rampage. He just felt numb.
Warmth flooded his heart with the suddenness of a tidal wave, the same warmth that… helped him the other day. There was so much more of it, he felt almost smothered. It was hard for Vanitas to stay numb to it, it was so overwhelming he could feel his heart beating fast as he stressed over what to do with it. He could deal with pain better than he could deal with this. If he didn’t know better he’d think it was an attack, a heat bordering the feeling of burning. But Sora had never been like that, even if his darkness was a little more careless.
He calmed down. Eventually. He stopped himself from fidgeting enough to settle into it. Surely at this point he’d feel pathetic, like the weak people all around him who needed comfort for the smallest things. But the warmth left no room for anything like that. It felt like an apology. No one had ever apologized to him before, not sincerely.
Vanitas opened his eyes. He wasn’t sure when he closed them. It was dark, likely morning by now. There were no eyes on him. The room was silent.
For the first time since coming here, he didn’t feel restless. He could just sit there, not thinking of anything, not being in pain. That warmth was still there, still apologizing.
Vanitas sat there for a few more moments, before standing up. His Unversed had spread throughout the shadows all over the castle at this point, hiding like harmless little bugs. He used them as he walked back, tuning into their senses to make sure he was alone.
He walked back normally, giving himself time to start up a conversation. He still felt tangled in a web of numbness and warmth, so it was hard to sound as serious as he should have.
“Are you awake?” he asked. It wasn’t supposed to be awake.
Sora’s darkness stirred. Of course it would understand the long-forgotten language. Each word Vanitas had spoken was made for hearts, after all (hearts don’t even need words to speak to each other, no wonder such a useless language died after the war).
Yes. No, it murmurs, Sleepy.
So borderline awareness. Vanitas would need to find some way to calm it down enough to sleep. Sora’s heart was so easy to sleep in, it was warm even in its darkness. Vanitas’s heart was probably not nearly as inviting. He couldn’t afford it clawing its way out, he wasn’t sure if he would survive more damage like that. It was an annoying new task he needed to complete, one that reminded him of how little control he had over himself even now.
Sad, said Sora’s darkness. Protect.
There it was again. “Protect what?”
Mine, was its response.
“Your light?” Vanitas could understand if it was that. It reminded him of something he’d forgotten about, a moment that had been buried in scars. Vanitas had originally felt the need to seek out his brother out of protectiveness, it was something he had felt overwhelmingly in the first few minutes he was created in. And then Master Xehanort made sure that instinct never rose again.
But the response from Sora’s darkness was more surprising. That same protectiveness, blurring with added possessiveness. No. Yes. No, mine.
Vanitas didn’t know what to make of that response. He put the thought on hold, as he was approaching his designated room.
Ventus was inside. What is he doing in there? he wondered. Vanitas waited by the open door and listened.
“…Probably just exploring the castle.” Vanitas heard. Again, Ventus speaks in the hissed words he shouldn’t know. “He’s fine. No use worrying so much over him anyway, he’ll come back.”
Suddenly, Ventus’s tone and language completely switched. “He’s supposed to let someone know where he’s going, isn’t he? Am I the only one who actually cares about that?”
He sighed. “Guess so.”
“What are you doing?” Vanitas leaned on the doorway and watched as Ventus jumped in surprise.
“Oh, Vanitas! I was looking for you.”
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. “Why were you looking for me at—” He glances at the clock on the desk. “—3:28 in the morning?”
“Uh,” Ventus scratched the back of his head. “I wanted to see if you needed something?”
“At 3:28 in the morning.”
“Y-Yeah?” Ventus lied. He was so obviously caught off guard, it almost seemed too convenient. Maybe that was just Vanitas’s wariness talking.
Vanitas let the room settle into silence as he stared Ventus down. The longer he stayed silent and kept his face blank, the more Ventus seemed to crack. Seemed to. Finally looking ready to cave in, Ventus opened his mouth to speak.
But Vanitas didn’t let him. “You know, I actually do need something.”
Ventus breathed in obvious relief. “Sure, anything.”
“Tell me what happened when you went to rescue Sora.”
Ventus’s face fell. “Ah. Right, I guess you were pretty out of it when we found you both.”
Right, when they found us… Subconsciously, Vanitas’s hand wandered to the wound on his side. It was closing up as well as it could, all things considered. Still, walking around all night for the past few days might’ve been a bad idea at this point, but it’s not like he could draw on Sora’s darkness to heal himself faster. Any more poking at it and it might awaken fully, and then Vanitas would be left fighting for something that’s rightfully his. Again.
The apologetic warmth was still there, Vanitas held onto it despite himself.
“Come with me,” Ventus said suddenly, drawing Vanitas out of his thoughts. Ventus pushed open the window to the darkened sky of the morning.
Vanitas scoffed. “You really think I’m going to follow you out of a three-story window?”
Ventus shrugged. “Your loss.” And he jumped out the window.
Vanitas moved to watch as Ventus gently floated down, a cheeky look on his face as his feet touched the ground. How annoying.
Vanitas easily swung himself over the window’s ledge and slid down the side of the castle, his clawed hands digging into the wall as he controlled his fall. Once on the ground he followed Ventus to a hill not too far away, but out of distance for being heard from the castle.
Ventus sat down in the grass, his eyes gazing up at the stars in the slowly brightening sky. “Aqua and Terra didn’t want me to tell you anything, but it’s only right that you know.”
“Spit it out.” For some reason, Vanitas couldn’t get that sentence to sound how he wanted it to. The warmth was distracting.
“I wasn’t there at first.” Ventus leaned back on his hands. “Riku had gotten a major lead, Kairi went after him. I’m not sure what happened in between, but they found you.”
Vanitas could vaguely recall that harsh and blinding light, the wound he received as a result of that encounter not long before he brought them to Sora. He could only imagine what would’ve happened if she got a direct hit.
“I came along after because I…” Ventus paused. “Because I needed to.”
“You needed to?” Vanitas raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, I did.” He responded, his shoulders hunched and defensive. “And I needed to make sure Sora was okay. He’s done so much for me, if he ended up getting hurt, I thought…”
Something about those words sparked something in Vanitas’s mind, making the world spin around him. He sat down on the grass to hide his dizziness as the memory was pulled to the forefront of his mind.
Whatever that man did to his heart would kill him if he didn’t do something, and then Vanitas would be gone as well. Out of the prison, but still in chains.
He could leave again, he should leave again.
“Hey, Vanitas…?” Sora called out from behind him, shifting and trying to push himself up with the wall beside him.
“What?” Vanitas snapped. No good. He spawned an Unversed to get rid of his panic. There, now he could focus.
Sora smiled at him, but it was more like a grimace. “I think I know why I’m here now.”
Vanitas didn’t consider leaving after that.