#de:code:aug20

[rkmg]

〈♦〉AUGUST 10TH, 2020 → photoshoot.

mingyu was beginning to like having his picture taken. once, he felt kind of awkward in front of a camera. now, however, it was beginning to feel much more natural. that was a comforting thing for him given how much he desired to be an actor. if he can pose in front of a camera and feel comfortable, then hopefully that would lead him to the next step.

the outfits for the new album’s photos were ones that mingyu was really fond of. he especially loved the aspect of getting to wear leather in any sense. needless to say, one of the styles he liked above the rest, but they all looked fairly pleasing to him. after attending that fashion thing several months ago, he realized things could be so much worse and he could be in a position where he has no idea what kind of attire he’s looking at. he felt fortunate to not only enjoy the music of this comeback, but what they’d be wearing as well.

every time that he has to do something like this, mingyu's mind always ends up drifting to the fans. he finds himself obsessing over whether or not they'll like it, or if they'll be able to draw in new fans, too. being that they're still a new group, he knows that with each comeback they have nowhere to go but up... ideally, anyway. they'd have to release something really awful in order to manage not gaining any new fans and losing some of their current ones...

still, his brain doesn't rule out the possibility, even though it's not exactly a possible one. perhaps he just worries too much, or it's the pressure of still getting used to being in the spotlight this way. he feels like he has so many expectations and he's terrified of letting down those that he owes his success to. between his parents, trainers, his ceo, and all of the fans... it feels like a lot is riding on him. but, when he looks around and sees all of the other members of his group, he's reminded that he's not in this alone. even if one of them falls, the rest will be ready and willing to carry them.

[rkmg]

〈♦〉AUGUST 12TH, 2020 → start of the day.

3:30 am. it was an ungodly hour and mingyu didn’t know why he was being punished like this. it took every ounce of energy in his body to force himself out of bed, especially since it was so warm and comfortable. luckily, he didn’t have to put much effort into his appearance since he was going to be heading straight to get his hair and make up done. basically, all he had to do was be present, or at least physically so. his brain was about a thousand miles away, still practically in a dream world. it was too early for all of this.

when he was sitting in the chair, he kept accidentally nodding off. every once in a while, he’d notice that his head started leaning and he’d jerk himself awake again, causing the stylist to both scold and laugh at him. this is probably something that she’s all too used to, even if it is a bit of a struggle to work quickly and efficiently when the person getting their hair perfected keeps moving without being told to do so.

when 6 am rolled around, mingyu felt slightly more awake and alert. this is what time he prefers getting up, though he’d already been awake for over two hours. he dreaded to imagine what he would be feeling when ten more hours pass, and then he thinks he might literally drop dead when the twenty-hour mark hits. he did his best to enjoy it, and he did. he likes recording music videos for the most part, though the process always seems to take a toll on him. he just has to constantly remind himself that it’s only for this one day and then he can rest and there won’t be anything quite as intense for him to suffer through for a while... he just had to keep smiling, keep dancing, keep rapping... maybe this was going to be harder than he thought.

it wasn’t a bad experience, but it sure was difficult to endure. as the day dragged on, that only became even more true. once this was all over, he just hoped he could sleep for another entire day without any interruptions (unless it was his stomach growling so he could also eat enough food to last him days).

[rkhongjoong]

             ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━        MV COMMENTARY  .        ━━━

he didn't expect to have to react to a music video so soon after filming it, but hongjoong thinks that maybe it won't be so bad.  then again, this time they are reacting to can you feel it.  gorilla he could handle, but can you feel it?? that's another monster in its own right.

as much as he likes the song itself, hongjoong still has some reservations about the music video.  from the beginning, he questioned what seemed like a random concept  -  why a marching band? why the dark and light versions of themselves? it just seemed too much like a mishmash of concepts that didn't paint a clear picture, and even now he's not really sure what to make of it.  but he also knows that criticizing the music video so openly on air instead of acting like it was such a cool take on the song may get him into trouble.  not to mention that he didn't want to hurt the feelings of the staffers who worked hard to make the mv successfully in the first place because he just ... didn't like whatever concept they decided to choose.

it's pretty unfortunate, but that's what acting is for, isn't it? at the very least, even if he doesn't understand the concept, maybe it's just because he's not the smartest person in the room.  maybe they can read into the nuances of the music video that he couldn't.

he decides that it's best for him not to speak much on this one as compared to gorilla.  at the very least, it makes sense for his onstage persona  -  nox is supposed to be the mysterious one, the dark one, the one that intrigues others just by being there, right?  maybe he can get away with it just this once.  hopefully he won't ever have to react to can you feel it again.

[rkhongjoong]

          ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━        CHOREOGRAPHY PRACTICE  .        ━━━

today, he finds himself alone in a studio.  thankfully, that's the way he wanted it.  

his focus was to work on the choreography for new world on his own  -  though it may have been better in a group setting to master the positioning, what hongjoong wanted to work on was not his footwork but rather, the sharpness of the movements.  it's a lot more direct and pointed, and it required precision that would look off if even a single one of the members wasn't in line with the rest.  he didn't want to be that person, especially not as a member of the dance line.

it's almost too funny.  hongjoong once dreamt of being on a stage to stand out as a child, and now here he is, practicing his dance precision so much in order not to stand out at all.  but that's the problem with a child's dreams.  they're often a lot more complicated than it seems, and require a lot more work than what a child thinks they might; they don't think about the work that goes into it at all.  he certainly didn't think he'd even be here without his brother, and yet he's the only one who managed to grasp their dream bull by the horns and ride as it kicked and screamed its fury.  he's still not sure why he hasn't quite gotten over that fact yet.

when he reaches for his water bottle, this time he drops it.  hongjoong watches as it spills over, making a puddle on the floor and he wonders why its so easy for a bottle to overturn, but he keeps biting his tongue.  sooner or later, people are going to see that he's unhappy.

he only hopes that when it all pours out, he'll know exactly where he's supposed to be.  because even now, hongjoong can't say that he's sure.

[rkkangjoon]

ROYALs WHITE LOTUS & DE:CODEs VICI August 2020 Schedule Q! My Dance Title Song: Can You Feel It? Reference: |x|

he was hyped. after hearing about the concept of the show, kang joon felt the greed rise in him. in the white recording side, there would be nothing distracting for the audience, no fancy studio set up nor a popular mc. it was just them, the full line up of de:code and questions they had to answer correctly in order to gain time to perform their title song. they were in full preperation of a comeback, so being able to reveal their performance on a tv show that could lure in potential fans, would be a huge chance. the more time they would win, the better and kang joon wanted them to at least be able to perform up to the first hook and refrain to get listeners interested.

every member would be assigned one question or task, and in case the members would be able to get the right answer, they would receive 20 seconds more to perform their song at the end. in case of a wrong answer though, 10 seconds would be deducted and kang joon felt already distressed about that little fact, in clear intention to make his group bigger and more popular.

so far it had been either an imitation task or the task to guess how many members would do a specific thing or expression behind one's back, but when it was his turn, he was told to explain a keyword with his facial expression only. kang joon was confident in that task, as he was the type of guy who had a full palette of expressions to show. jumping on the spot, kang joon yelled out silently, clutching his own face with his hands, deliberately exaggerating the fear as he widened his eyes. when one of the other boys guessed a haunting house, he clapped in glee, happy to hear the correct answer and see the amount of time for them to perform to go up by a bit.

they were 9 boys, so if they were to get all 9 questions right, they should be good, right?

[rkseonho]

nightly blues

@rkhongjoong

it’s the day before their weekly idol schedule and seonho has been on his toes all day. something about the schedule was making his nerves dance and the teen hadn’t been able to settle once. even extra practice that evening hadn’t helped. he was still walking about the dorm room, trying to burn off excess energy brought on by his nerves. he really didn’t want this to end up being another night where he struggles to sleep. after all, it would be important for him to be awake and ready tomorrow--he wouldn’t want to embarrass the group or even ruin their image by messing up. 

his chest felt tight as he paced from the kitchen area to his room for roughly the seventh time in the last hour. for a moment he considered going to talk to baekhyun but the leader has enough to worry about as it is and seonho didn’t want to add to that by coming to him with his silly anxieties. 

his roommates were spending time together watching something, and again he hadn’t wanted to bother them. it was kind of coming down to the fact his own nerves were making him revert back to being unable to reach out--which he knows isn’t good. 

no.. no he would need to suck it up and go to one of his hyungs. 

it’s how the teen found himself hovering almost pitifully in the doorway to the oldest trio’s room. his hands wringing together in front of him as he debated on how to start. should he knock? announce himself formally?  “hongjoong hyung...?” he ends up almost whispering before realizing he was being too quiet and tried again in a bit more confident level. 

[rkhongjoong]

          ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━        MUSIC VIDEO RECORDING  .        ━━━

when he finally has a chance to shoot the music video for can you feel it, the first question he has to ask himself is: what the fuck is this?

as he goes through the motions and each scene, hongjoong can't help but wonder how they're going to actually tie together all the scenes to make it more cohesive.  as much as he's trying to understand, maybe he's just not good at understanding the complexities of screenplay.  still though, with his mother as a scriptwriter, he can't help but be drawn to music videos that actually tell a story or paint a picture .. something more imaginative than whatever the hell this is.

he's not really sure how the visuals for this music video are supposed to portray the song in any way.  of course, it's not like every music video out there really portrays a story, but he's never seen a music video that doesn't make sense at all when tied to the song.  even gorilla had a better music video than whatever this was going to be.

all in all, he hates it.  and that makes hongjoong regret the situation that he's in just a little more, makes him miss his family just a little more, makes him feel like he's the wrong one for disliking their music video and moreover, makes him feel like he doesn't have anyone to talk to about it.  he takes a look around at the others and they seem to be in high spirits, and hongjoong thinks that this should be him, too.  he should be happy to be here at the very least, appreciative that they even had a chance to make a comeback this year at all.  

so why is it that he can't bring himself to really enjoy the music video as he should? it's a question that he doesn't know the answer to, but he hopes that future videos won't leave him with the same bad taste in his mouth.

because regardless, he’s still going to have to film it even if it’s something that he disdains.

[rkhongjoong]

             ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━        ALBUM PHOTOSHOOT  .        ━━━

by the time that the album photoshoot comes around, hongjoong finds himself a little on the tired side.  rest has been sparse, especially lately with all the comeback preparations that they've been struggling to get through.  he's not sure where he found the energy for their debut  -  was it just excitement? he knows he wasn't sleeping easy then, either so it couldn't have been that he was simply getting more rest.  

maybe now, it's just that he's gotten used to the routine and the atmosphere, which ultimately makes him a little more relaxed.  hongjoong rubs one of his eyes as he looks around the set where they're going to be taking their photos  -  the backdrop is bright enough to hurt his eyes, and he looks at the outfits that are hung on racks each labelled with their names.  they'll be told what to wear, and how to pose, and what to do today  -  there's little room for error, and no room for exhaustion.

he's really not sure why he's so tired today of all days, but thinking that he's just relaxed because of the atmosphere makes him question himself.  what exactly is he feeling lately? there's always the little voice in the back of his head telling him, convincing him that he's in the wrong place and in the wrong time  -  that he shouldn't have taken the contract, because the dream was to debut with his brother and not alone.  but the fact that he may just be feeling tired because he's relaxed around this atmosphere??  that's something new that hongjoong hasn't experienced yet.  

this isn't the time to be going through an existential crisis, though.  today, there's a lot of things to do  -  even now, the staffers are beckoning him to come get dressed into his first outfit for the day, to get his hair done properly, to put on his makeup.  he even brought a few vials of nail polish for the stylist to choose from; colours that will hopefully match the outfits he'll be wearing today.  it's likely that they'll just choose black to easily match with anything that he wears, and hongjoong is okay with that.

there's no time to spare on questions he doesn't have the answer to.  there will be plenty of time for him to think when this comeback is all over.