it’s kind of wild how many dances they’re expected to know. seonho never really put into thought how many original choreographies they;d end up learning. how many that idols end up learning in general. he thought he was learning a lot of dances while being a trainee, but one or two a month is nothing to this. picking up a dance for nearly every song in an album-- as well; as needing to keep up with the ones learned from other comebacks. he can’t help but wonder how in the heck do his sunbae manage. thinking of luxe... they’ve been active for a while, and have had a lot of comebacks.
it’s worrisome for seonho who isn’t a strong dancer. though he has gotten better in the time he’s been a trainee and an idol. he knows he isn’t one of the better dancers of the group. never mind that he lacks confidence. so dance practice like this is exhausting to him. frustrating for him as he struggles to fully get the dance down.
the coach calls for a short break and the teen all but collapses. knees hitting the floor of the practice room followed by his hands as he debates just melting into the ground. maybe if he became one with the floor they’d forget he was here and not make him dance more. tired and frustrated eyes raise to his hyungs who are also in various states of tired. the teen seeking out the one closest to him currently. “won hyung--” he whines, sitting back on his heels and giving won all his focus. “--do you have any snacks? i think im going to die..”
august 10th, 2020: first comeback mini album photoshoot.
TW BODY IMAGE, WEIGHT TALK
they haven’t had many opportunities to do modelling thus far, but won’s already decided he’s rather fond of it. perhaps he’d be more fond if the day didn’t feel a hundred hours long, especially with the dread of what he knows is to come in two days when they film the music video, but regardless, this is exciting — dare he say it, fun.
considering he had always had reservations about his appearance, standing in front of a camera should be a source of stress for him. he’s loved the concept of photography since the moment he could understand it. a precious moment and memory forever immortalised in a snapshot that takes mere seconds to capture? what could be better? when your memory deteriorates with age, or even just the natural passing of time since that day, you can never forget a photo. when de:code have been around for years, hopefully comfortable in their position in the industry and experienced enough that the sluggishness he feels today from lack of sleep is so ingrained in him that he doesn’t notice it anymore ( not that this is a good thing, but a product of their line of work ), he might forget how it felt to debut, to be rookies. but he’ll never forget a teaser image, or a music video he can look up on youtube in seconds. it’ll always be there to remind him of what he’s achieved.
yet, that’s not the reason at the forefront of his mind when he thinks about why he’s starting to enjoy this experience so much. it definitely isn’t the constant fresh dabs of make-up to touch up where he’s accidentally brushed his skin or the frantic hands fixing nudged hair. it certainly isn’t the heat of the professional lighting either. instead, it’s selfishly how confident it makes him feel. it’s hard to feel like he doesn’t fill out his clothes or he doesn’t have the most charming smile when the photographer is here solely to take pictures of them — him included. it’s surprisingly easy to pose in a way that looks natural once he settles in, even more so to control his expressions. ( after all, he had been doing it to lie to everyone around him for the best part of the first seventeen years of his life — he’d be disappointed if he’d struggled. ) it’s surprisingly easy to think maybe mingyu’s right, maybe he is a little handsome, because when the teasers drop, just like last time, people will say kind things about the sharpness of his jaw or the sparkle in his eyes. he doesn’t want to place so much of his confidence on external praise, particularly from strangers looking at final, touched-up photographs of him, but it certainly doesn’t do any harm to be showered in compliments. he’d already come leaps and bounds with just his loved ones, but now a fanbase of de:code listeners? and they’re all telling him the cruel words he’d heard his whole life are lies? a certain kind of joy bubbles in his chest.
he supposes the root of it all is the satisfaction — how rewarding it feels. the validation of the worries and insecurities he’d carried with him for years, the kindness and patience of the photographers and the pride for a job well done. it feels like something new and exciting yet within his reach, something he could really hone in on and become good at if he’s given the chance to explore it more. it’ll always be a little weird, seeing his face on billboards to advertise their albums or on the company’s social media leading up to the release, but seeing a picture of himself and having happiness bloom in his heart is a feeling he wouldn’t trade for the world.
today was a another full day of activities. they’re comeback was truly just around the corner as they were suddenly all so busy-- a big difference from the previous months where it felt like time has been dragging on. now they have to learn new dances, and seonho can recall that they have a lot scheduled to record this month too. but today! today is the day theyre going to be recording the dance practice videos for their new title song and another new track.
one of the songs, new world, which they would be recording as well today, seonho really likes. that being said, he likes pretty much every song in the album--this album is so awesome. he’s excited to get to perform it.
they’d just finished recording the video for can you feel it, their title track, and now they were being allowed a bit of a break before they start recording new world. despite the fact it’s for a practice video they had to do more than one take. not that seonho was feeling any kind of tired yet. hence why he rounded minho hyung without a moment of hesitation. “rock paper scissors! it’s urgent, lets go!” everyone else is actually using the time for a break, yet seonho and his endless energy is roaring to go.
it’s always a little weird when members in the group have different schedules than everyone else. seonho has grown so use to all of them being together that when someone has a solo gig it’s almost a little sad to him. to think the group is split off in their own paths. sure, that being said he’s more than proud of his hyungs who have achieved schedules of their own. going out and making more of a name for themselves outside of just the group. he honestly, really is proud.
but there is just moments where he misses them. like today. he knows baekhyun hyung has his own schedule--radio dj for idol radio, so super cool--and while it’s only one that that baekhyun isn’t around, seonho still feels a little like something is missing.
thus, even after his own schedule ( typical training ) ends for the day and he finds himself back in the dorms, seonho is restless. he has had the stream for idol radio pulled up on his phone until it was over--the show runs at night and so he was able to catch the end of it and his hyung is so cool. now he was just lounging on the couch in the main room, scrolling through his phone. most everyone else was either settled down for the night and getting to it, leaving only seonho really awake and waiting for their leader.
for whatever reason, he just wasn’t able to go to bed before baekhyun got back.
mingyu was beginning to like having his picture taken. once, he felt kind of awkward in front of a camera. now, however, it was beginning to feel much more natural. that was a comforting thing for him given how much he desired to be an actor. if he can pose in front of a camera and feel comfortable, then hopefully that would lead him to the next step.
the outfits for the new album’s photos were ones that mingyu was really fond of. he especially loved the aspect of getting to wear leather in any sense. needless to say, one of the styles he liked above the rest, but they all looked fairly pleasing to him. after attending that fashion thing several months ago, he realized things could be so much worse and he could be in a position where he has no idea what kind of attire he’s looking at. he felt fortunate to not only enjoy the music of this comeback, but what they’d be wearing as well.
every time that he has to do something like this, mingyu's mind always ends up drifting to the fans. he finds himself obsessing over whether or not they'll like it, or if they'll be able to draw in new fans, too. being that they're still a new group, he knows that with each comeback they have nowhere to go but up... ideally, anyway. they'd have to release something really awful in order to manage not gaining any new fans and losing some of their current ones...
still, his brain doesn't rule out the possibility, even though it's not exactly a possible one. perhaps he just worries too much, or it's the pressure of still getting used to being in the spotlight this way. he feels like he has so many expectations and he's terrified of letting down those that he owes his success to. between his parents, trainers, his ceo, and all of the fans... it feels like a lot is riding on him. but, when he looks around and sees all of the other members of his group, he's reminded that he's not in this alone. even if one of them falls, the rest will be ready and willing to carry them.
3:30 am. it was an ungodly hour and mingyu didn’t know why he was being punished like this. it took every ounce of energy in his body to force himself out of bed, especially since it was so warm and comfortable. luckily, he didn’t have to put much effort into his appearance since he was going to be heading straight to get his hair and make up done. basically, all he had to do was be present, or at least physically so. his brain was about a thousand miles away, still practically in a dream world. it was too early for all of this.
when he was sitting in the chair, he kept accidentally nodding off. every once in a while, he’d notice that his head started leaning and he’d jerk himself awake again, causing the stylist to both scold and laugh at him. this is probably something that she’s all too used to, even if it is a bit of a struggle to work quickly and efficiently when the person getting their hair perfected keeps moving without being told to do so.
when 6 am rolled around, mingyu felt slightly more awake and alert. this is what time he prefers getting up, though he’d already been awake for over two hours. he dreaded to imagine what he would be feeling when ten more hours pass, and then he thinks he might literally drop dead when the twenty-hour mark hits. he did his best to enjoy it, and he did. he likes recording music videos for the most part, though the process always seems to take a toll on him. he just has to constantly remind himself that it’s only for this one day and then he can rest and there won’t be anything quite as intense for him to suffer through for a while... he just had to keep smiling, keep dancing, keep rapping... maybe this was going to be harder than he thought.
it wasn’t a bad experience, but it sure was difficult to endure. as the day dragged on, that only became even more true. once this was all over, he just hoped he could sleep for another entire day without any interruptions (unless it was his stomach growling so he could also eat enough food to last him days).
he didn't expect to have to react to a music video so soon after filming it, but hongjoong thinks that maybe it won't be so bad. then again, this time they are reacting to can you feel it. gorilla he could handle, but can you feel it?? that's another monster in its own right.
as much as he likes the song itself, hongjoong still has some reservations about the music video. from the beginning, he questioned what seemed like a random concept - why a marching band? why the dark and light versions of themselves? it just seemed too much like a mishmash of concepts that didn't paint a clear picture, and even now he's not really sure what to make of it. but he also knows that criticizing the music video so openly on air instead of acting like it was such a cool take on the song may get him into trouble. not to mention that he didn't want to hurt the feelings of the staffers who worked hard to make the mv successfully in the first place because he just ... didn't like whatever concept they decided to choose.
it's pretty unfortunate, but that's what acting is for, isn't it? at the very least, even if he doesn't understand the concept, maybe it's just because he's not the smartest person in the room. maybe they can read into the nuances of the music video that he couldn't.
he decides that it's best for him not to speak much on this one as compared to gorilla. at the very least, it makes sense for his onstage persona - nox is supposed to be the mysterious one, the dark one, the one that intrigues others just by being there, right? maybe he can get away with it just this once. hopefully he won't ever have to react to can you feel it again.
today, he finds himself alone in a studio. thankfully, that's the way he wanted it.
his focus was to work on the choreography for new world on his own - though it may have been better in a group setting to master the positioning, what hongjoong wanted to work on was not his footwork but rather, the sharpness of the movements. it's a lot more direct and pointed, and it required precision that would look off if even a single one of the members wasn't in line with the rest. he didn't want to be that person, especially not as a member of the dance line.
it's almost too funny. hongjoong once dreamt of being on a stage to stand out as a child, and now here he is, practicing his dance precision so much in order not to stand out at all. but that's the problem with a child's dreams. they're often a lot more complicated than it seems, and require a lot more work than what a child thinks they might; they don't think about the work that goes into it at all. he certainly didn't think he'd even be here without his brother, and yet he's the only one who managed to grasp their dream bull by the horns and ride as it kicked and screamed its fury. he's still not sure why he hasn't quite gotten over that fact yet.
when he reaches for his water bottle, this time he drops it. hongjoong watches as it spills over, making a puddle on the floor and he wonders why its so easy for a bottle to overturn, but he keeps biting his tongue. sooner or later, people are going to see that he's unhappy.
he only hopes that when it all pours out, he'll know exactly where he's supposed to be. because even now, hongjoong can't say that he's sure.
