when he had first heard their official debut song, minho knew it was bound to be something that bordered on cool or something along the lines of stylish. gorilla sounds like the type, nothing too in your face, but near enough. it's a lot different than their chosen pre-debut tracks, a different side that's to be unlocked, funny enough. but as they're gearing up for their album shoot-- minho feels like the proper phrasing to explain how he thinks they'll appear is more like...
"we look like punks," he mumbles to seonho, shifting in place and ajusting his outfit idly. they aren't uncomfortable by any means, but the nerves of the cameras on them soon make him unable to stop fidgeting. "like...not a mean sort o' way. but the kind o' punks that are popular with high schoolers." his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek. "a bit more cool than a boy next door sort o’ feel, if that makes any sense.”
not that won would ever complain about it, but it’s starting to feel like all they’ve done for the past few months is dance. he supposes it makes sense, with all these new songs, they have to learn choreography for them and it arguably takes longer to master than lyrics. you might have a couple lines to sing, but you have to dance for the entire three to four minutes, and everyone has to do the same moves even though not everyone is on the same level. mingyu is a great dancer and won’s seen him improve tenfold since even before they entered the mgas and signed to royal, but he won’t say either that they’re of the same ability. mingyu shines where won doesn’t and vice versa; he’s always considered he and his boyfriend to be perfect complements to one another. besides, it gave them an excuse ( not that they ever need one ) to spend more time together.
“how are you feeling? how do you feel about the choreography now? I know it’s been a little while since we’ve started learning it, but adding others on top can get confusing sometimes.” he asks quietly, approaching mingyu between takes. he swigs a mouthful of his water and then offers it to him, cheeks still puffed out. his forehead is a little too warm and he’s starting to feel the late-day ache after being up so early and dancing for so long but the adrenaline rush is still enough to keep him going. swallowing his water, he sighs contently. “I wonder how many takes we’ll have to do of this, I know it’s not been long but today feels like it’s lasted forever— I think we woke up a week ago to start today.” his laugh is soft as he inches closer, bumps said forehead against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “I think I’ll sleep well tonight.”
it wasn’t his time to go up for the photoshoot, and he’d been shoo’d away from the area of watching since his presence had apparently been distracting the hyungs currently getting photos done. not that seonho thought he was doing anything too distracting. but oh well. he ventured around the area, getting fussed over a bit by the stylists before he spotted baekhyun.
a cheery grin formed on the teens lips as he all but skipped over to the older.
“leader nim~ leader nim~” he sung softly in greeting as he backhugged onto baehyun, sounding just as hyper as he always does. excited and energetic about their photoshoot and the fact that they’re debut is coming closer and closer. he feels he has every right to be as excited as he is. after all, he’s finally going to debut with some of his most favorite people in the world. “have you taken photos yet?” he questioned as he released baekhyun and shifted to be partly in front. he’s bouncing lightly on his heels as he speaks, unable to contain the energy.
minho enjoys the dance for their intro that they're working on. he thinks it matches the song well, and it makes it learning to dance easier for himself. it's almost fluid in the way it seems-- like he can visualize it perfectly as he moves to the beat. he's in good spirits while they practice, and during the break, he's stuck humming and singing to himself as he knocks back a bottle of water.
wiping his mouth carefully with his sleeve, he glances down at his shoelaces thoughtfully-- before humming as he addresses wonwoo near him.
"how are you feelin' 'bout this dance?" he asks softly, offering a smile as he caps his water bottle. "i think it fits...with the beat an' all, if 'at makes sense." he rubs the tip of his knuckle against his nose as he sniffles, tongue poking against the inside of his cheek as he shifts. the tune of the song is still stuck in his head, so he bobs his head along with it idly as he imagines the choreo in his head. "mm, i really like it."
their debut is so close. it reminds minho that only a few months ago he was hearing the news of landing a spot in the debut team. it reminds him that for a minute, he didn't think he was ready for it; that royal was making a mistake. but now...the idea of him having not done it, having not signed the contract that ties him to royal and de:code for six years...it's a thought that doesn't sit well in his stomach.
he stands still when they fix up his hair for the shot, hands clasped together as he lifts his head when motioned to, eyes moving around as he stands stationary for the other members. sees them getting geared up, practing in the corner-- looking over the camera at previous shots they've taken. there's so much to take in-- and he's sure it's only the beginning; there's so much with debut in general that it's gonna be a lot at the start.
when they set through the shot again and minho goes through his lines, he thinks about what it'll be like to see this back though-- or even on a screen, after debut. it'll be weird, different-- in a good way, minho knows. even hearing back their music they've released as pre-debut singles, he enjoys listening to them even after the constant practicing. it feels different after you know it's being perceived by other people than the ones involved.
and as they go through take after take until it's deemed as close to perfect as it can get, minho can see it coming together beautifully. can see it feeling and seeming like de:code. "so cool," he mumbles to himself, smiling as he sees how he looks, how they all look in their chosen shots. he nods his head along and smiles at seeing it all being portrayed right in front oh him. "alright, next's take! let's go." he hears, and minho nods, stepping back to get ready for the next section.
despite this being their second bout of photoshoots and music video filmings, won still feels nervous when they arrive on location for the latter. it’s surreal to think everything is set out just for them — for their choreography and their songs and concepts. there’s so many staff milling around, stopping to greet them as they’re guided through and then the day begins. hair, touch-ups, group shots; won feels swept completely off his feet. not to mention it’s cold, his sensitivity to the bitter breeze passing through causing a shiver to run down his spine. he’s on break at the moment, other members having close-up or solo shots filmed, so he bounces his weight left and right on the spot to try and keep warm.
“seonho!” he greets excitedly as he spots the younger also free. “how are you? are you cold? do you want to huddle for warmth?” though it’s intended as a question and certainly phrased as such, the pleading look in his eyes says otherwise. he’s already moving closer before seonho can answer but he highly doubts that the youngest will have any complaints. “how are you doing so far with filming? I still feel really awkward in front of the camera. I’ve never really had photos taken of me casually so it’s even crazier to be doing it professionally. I’m good with the choreography shots, though; that’s just dancing, after all, right? the set with the vines is really pretty, too. I’m just wondering how it’s all going to... fit together.”
mingyu is more skeptical and critical of a lot of things regarding his debut than he thought he'd be. it makes a lot of sense, though. nothing is ever perfect, even when it is a dream come true. it just wouldn't be realistic for him to be pleased with every style, concept, choreography, and song. it was only human that there would be certain aspects that he didn't absolutely adore. the blue hair was one thing he didn't particularly like, and now the styling for this photoshoot happened to be another. in mingyu's opinion, they looked rowdy and a bit tacky, but honestly, he rarely understands fashion. he's a simple guy, which is why these over-the-top looks threw him off a bit.
regardless of how he felt, he would never voice those concerns. if they manage to be successful, he is sure that the fans will love whatever they get regardless. so, he behaved, acted politely as his hair and make up was done and just waited for the moment that he would be in front of the camera.
once he was, though, he felt like a fish out of water. he never had been someone overflowing with confidence and charisma. he wasn't entirely sure how he should be posing or what he should be doing. thankfully, it wasn't like they just threw him in the deep-end without a life jacket. when he was doing something that didn't look quite right, they would correct him or instruct him on what would be a better idea. it wasn't the worst experience in the world, but mingyu would be lying to claim that he enjoyed it, too. maybe he would get better at being in front of cameras and posing for pictures as time goes on. after all, there's not a chance he won't get used to it with as much as they'll be needing to do it. he hopes that he will gain more confidence eventually, too. that could do nothing but help him in these situations.
· · · · · · · · · DE:CODE FEBRUARY 2020 EVALUATION,
✧ ┊ last tasks 、 practice for debut
( tw, anxiety attack — )
music is blasting from the speakers connected to his phone and baekhyun looks at his reflection in the wall length mirror as he dances, going through the last part of the choreography for the song once again because it’s only him singing, him in the center during them. on his own this time instead with the other members since baekhyun’s not focusing on synchronization, on moving well together with the others but to perfect his own moves. to get them to sit right, to get them fluid and internalize them so nothing can go wrong once they perform it all in front of fans, a larger audience.
less than four weeks left until it happens. until their debut.
baekhyun can feel his throat closing up at that thought, the reality of it hitting him, his chest tight and it gets harder to breath with every second, chest heaving not because of all that practice, lungs burning not from exhaustion, because of dancing without a break. next month. baekhyun pauses as the music keeps playing, starting from the beginning and it’s seonho’s voice that fills the practice room, pressing his hands against his chest as he tries desperately to suck some air into his lungs, gasping.
they’re debuting next month and baekhyun thought that he’s gotten better at dealing with the whole situation. he has been -- he’s been adjusting to life at the dorm, feeling a little more at home with each month he’s staying there. has been getting into their activities, photoshoots, filmings. started to feel excited again; like he used to when he was still a regular trainee and dreaming of all of this happening.
but right now, he’s just scared as hell.
hasn’t felt this anxious in a while. ( lie! he’s been feeling like this almost all the time ever since he got placed in de:code. ) is full of doubt, knees shaking under the pressure. he’s scared. scared scared scared. so very scared. because this is real. it’s happening and despite working towards this for years, has been dreaming of it most of his life, he isn’t sure if he’s ready.
is he ready to be part of this group? to debut and stand on stage? to be a leader? baekhyun has no idea if he can lead those boys well, if he can protect them. doesn’t know if he can live up to the responsibilities that were given him within the group.
so many worries.
he gets over to the table and braces his palms on the surface for support, still breathing heavily and gasping, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to calm himself down. tries to push away every spiraling thought that he’s been trying to ignore these past weeks, all those things he can’t really share with anyone -- he can’t tell his members, has to be strong for them. doesn’t want to talk seolhyun or jinwook about it because they’re busy, doesn’t want to bother mijoo.
and he can’t sit down with his mom after training anymore to vent to her, for a hug. ( god, he misses his mom. )
he has to think about something else but all that’s stuck in his head is how this is supposed to be leading up best time of his life. how preparing for debut should feel good, how he should be nothing but motivated and excited and how upsetting it is that he couldn’t enjoy it for the most part. well, he’s fucked if that doesn’t change after debut.
