#deaf parent

[mish-ee]

Having a deaf parent be like:

*trying to spell it out to them*

[concerningwolves]

I’m working in developing a script in which the two main characters (a father and his daughter) are both deaf. There’s a scene I’m planning where the father argues with his daughter about her going to speech therapy. He feels that it would have helped him growing up and wants her to have every possible advantage in life to succeed. Now I don’t want this to imply that deaf people need to change for the world, or that speech therapy is by any means a good and necessary thing (1/2)

(2/2) I also want the daughter to be against it (and win the argument). Having her own idea about the world and knowing that she doesn’t need to change anything, that her life is her own and she hasn’t spoken in her life yet and she doesn’t want to start now. But I’m hearing and idk if this would be offensive or insensitive at all. (Or if written well maybe it wouldn’t be) I have an alternate idea that’s a similar fight but I wanted an opinion on this.

Generation Differences in Minority Communities

This is a fantastic ask, and you’ve hit a very prominent nail on the head. In communities that have been othered and oppressed for years, it can be hard for older people to adjust to the new way of life. My uncle still doesn’t like Pride because he can’t get over the internalised homophobia from all the stuff he went through, and my “fuck ‘em” approach makes him nervous. I personally would love to see a story like this carried over to the d/Deaf community.

In writing an arc like this, be it for play, screen or book, it’s really important that you share the opinions equally between both parties and remain as impartial as you can be. I know how annoying it is to hear your older relatives yapping on about “in their day”, but when it comes to sensitivity and minority issues the situation is a lot more complex.

As in the example of the generation difference between myself and my uncle, being angry at him for his hesitation would be a shitty thing to do. As a young queer person living in the UK in the 21st century, I have protections that he could never have hoped to have. In the case of your characters, the father would have gone through experiences that the daughter couldn’t understand. The world today is a far cry from perfect, but it’s still one hell of a lot better for people living with disabilities than it was ten years ago - let alone sixty! The element that should be shown as wrong is the unwillingness to listen to what the daughter wants. The mental trauma that the dad would have gone through is a reason - a fact - but doesn’t mean he has any right to force his daughter’s decisions.

As for you being a hearing author writing this, I think that you’ll be fine. I know I always say that specific stories shouldn’t be told unless you’ve gone through them yourself, but parents trying to live vicariously through their children is so, so common. It’s a broad enough issue that it doesn’t really belong to anyone in particular, and so long as you show each side of the argument in sensitive balance you’ll be fine to write it.

The key takeaway is: focus on the issue as being generational differences, rather than Deafness and language. In your scene, Deafness and language is just a catalyst that sets off the issue, and hopefully, your audience will have experienced the “You should do [X] because I didn’t have it growing up and want the best for your” schpiel from their parents enough to understand.

Thanks for the ask! Have fun with your writing - I would really love to see something like this myself x

[thatrandomsarahchick]

My bro is an idiot.

That feel when my brother tells me I'm being too loud, and I'll wake mum up... mums deaf.

[velcumtojell]

Fatherhood

As a deaf man there have been very few things that truely scared me are being in crowded places where i can't communicate with people for my lack of ASL skills and have a child that gets hurt because I connot hear them fall or drop something on themselves. The first thing I have been able to mostly avoid for the majority of my life, the second thing however is now becoming a reality that I will be facing in about 7 months as my wife is now pregnant with our first child. The thing I hope for right now is that my child is not born deaf. This may seem kinda mean to say but remember I am deaf and as a child this was an unknown issue for me until I discovered I wasn't normal. I hope to have a hearing child as they will be able to avoid the insensitivity of most of the other children as well as being able to function around others better than I am able to do.

[parcellingcorrectpurchasesmg]

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[should-be-sleeping]

You know what is the absolute saddest thing about being a deaf mother? Right now I can hear the sound of my son’s voice, because it falls within the range of things my otherwise useless ears can detect, but once it changes, I will never hear his voice ever again.