How do you get invited to the party?
Ok...I know I don't have many followers (4) and I'm new to this whole blogging-about-your-life thing, but maybe this will get out to others and the advice will start flowing...
A bit about me first. I was born Hard of Hearing, but not profoundly so. Deaf in my left ear and a little loss in my right ear. In the second grade, Mom gave me an option; learn sign language or go to speech therapy. I chose speech therapy. It wasn't that I had anything against learning sign language, it's just that I didn't have too difficult of a time dealing with my lack of hearing. I wanted to get rid of the lisp I had anyways. Awesome. It worked so well and I enunciated so clearly people had a hard time believing I couldn't hear as well as others. Mission accomplished. By the time I was in the fifth grade, I was told I didn't have to wear any aids because it wasn't doing a thing for my left ear and my right ear was close to "normal". Sure the word "what" was almost like a battle cry for me, but I got over that. It was all cool...
Now I'm thinking I made the wrong choice. Roughly ten years ago I was sick with bronchitis and a sinus infection. I felt like shit, but who doesn't when they're sick? My nose was stuffed up constantly. My ears too. Of course I was coughing like a banshee on a rampage, but sick is sick. The doc gave me meds and I started feeling better within days. Except my ears still felt like they were "stuffed up". Went to the doc again, and both infections were cleared up. There wasn't anything wrong with my ears so something had to be fucked up somewhere. Long story short, after a year and a half of tests, MRIs, scans and being poked and prodded by some of the best ENTs in the land it was determined I suffered from Sudden Hearing Loss. Just like that. They don't call it "sudden" for nothing. Now I was back to dealing with hearing aids and all of the self-conscious bullshit that goes along with it. This go around, however, I was determined not to care what others thought. I'm an adult and people will deal with it. I got me some bright-ass, green molds to go with my new aids and I was all set. I'm cool with all of that. I had a fairly rough life, but I've always managed to get through it by reminding myself that it could always be worse. I still believe that even though I keep losing my hearing more and more. Currently I have "profound to severe" hearing loss in my right ear with only 48% speech recognition. My left ear is now classified as "dead". Even with my aids in I will NOT understand you unless you are facing me. I'm cool with being HOH, but while I know I can handle anything physical with regards to my hearing, how the fuck am I supposed to handle the social aspects of this shit?
It could always be worse...and it can, but do I really cut myself off from the rest of the world? I'm a fun, outgoing cat with more personality than I know what to do with. I don't suck to look at and having had speech therapy, if I concentrate enough, I don't even sound HOH. So I find myself living in the hearing world and not being able to communicate with anybody in the HOH world. I mean, Hell, I don't even know anybody in the HOH world except a girl I used to know from back in the day and she's like me. She lost her hearing due to chemo. She's a hot, rad chick, but we live in different towns in bordering states. Even if I knew sign language (other than what I've been self-taught), I don't know another soul I'd use it with.
Currently, I'm nearing the end of a ten year relationship and, not that I'm looking for another relationship, but the prospect of dating kills me. How do I get people I'm interested in to understand? Understanding is the biggest issue I have! People just don't understand and, honestly, they can't. If a woman doesn't have the patience to deal with repeating herself then I'm not interested, obviously, but how do I find someone who is interested? Before losing my hearing, I'd walk up to any woman and talk to her about anything. It was fun! Now I'm the cat who doesn't say much and sits with friends and family and pretends I know what's going on. You other HOH people know what I'm talking about. You laugh when everybody else does. Chances are you've answered "yes" or "no" to questions you never really understood (I've apparently said "yes" to a date with a guy and I'm straight, thank god he was cool). I can read lips really well, but a lot of it depends on how well someone enunciates. I know I'm not the only one who deals with this so tell me, how do you deal with it? How do you talk to someone you're interested in (be it just to get to know them or trying to get in their pants or both)? I'm not under any illusions. I know it isn't easy and my personality will help on the awkwardness, to some extent, but how do you get the confidence to match your personality? I've thought about going up to a girl and telling her how hot I think she is and that I would really like to talk to her, but because I'm HOH conversations are hard. Then I would ask for her phone number to see if we could text our conversation. Is that charming or creepy? Would it be sweet and sensitive and I'd have a shot at whatever goal was on the agenda? Or would it seem like a creepy way to try to skate with a girl's number? Friends keep telling me to use my disability to my advantage, but how does one do that? The only advantage I know I have is that, because I spend a majority of my lifetime watching people's mouths, I'm damn fine at making out (that's my theory as to why I'm good at it anyways, among other mouth/lips/tongue related activities). But going up to a girl and trying to make out with her or go down on her is the quickest way to get mace in the face and an arrest record, if not labeled a rapist. So tell me, how do I get invited to the party?