#dean vent

[castielsbeeslippers]

I’ve been all hammers and nails but every door in my heart opens to yours. 🖤

Tag list below 🖤

Feel free to ask to be added or removed 🖤

@lilac-void , @withclawsandsympathy , @i-dont-even-wanna-know , @holmesemrys , @maxguevra , @casthyelle , @hazel-eyed-bi , @baddestbitchcas @cosmiccas @angelfirevt @deans-honeybee e @12x23 @dainty-dean

[sunnymeddows]

Hard Knocks

The night Cas walked out the door of the bunker, Dean cried. With a  bottle of Jack by his side, Dean found an unexplored part of the bunker, sat down against a wall, and sobbed.

He missed his mother. She had gone so suddenly, Dean felt like he was four years old again, staring up at the house burning down. He felt… lost.

Dean cried for the loss of his mother. But that wasn’t the only thing Dean grieved. He grieved Ketch. The son of a bitch had come far from being just a British prick. He had grown to be the Winchesters’ friend. He was a good man and died protecting them, as in vain that turned out to be. “Ketch, you absolute dick. Here’s to your sorry ass.” Dean saluted the air and took another drink.

Dean’s thoughts filled with magic. Rowena was a pill at times but Dean had eally grown close to her. She helped them out with no regard to herself sometimes and that, with knowing how she was before, meant a lot to them. Especially Dean. He smiled and cheered to her memory, her last words singing in his mind.

Goodbye, boys.

It was exactly what Crowley said to them before sacrificing himself to seal the rift. Dammit, they were so alike. Dean choked out another sob. “Shit…” he whispered, letting the bottle fall from his fingers and roll out of reach.

He put a hand to his mouth and let out a soft moan of anguish. “Jack…” he managed through his tears.

Jack, who wasn’t just like a son to him. He was his son. Jack who didn’t deserve anything that had happened to him. Jack who Dean tried locking in a box, who Dean nearly killed, who died anyway.

Jack, whose body had been used as a meatsuit for a demon who, surprise surprise, had betrayed them in the end.

Dean wondered why he was still going. Why he hadn’t just… jumped in that rupture with Rowena. Shot Jack with the equalizer. Let Chuck kill him. He didn’t want to go on…

At least not for himself anymore. He was wasted. Torn to shreds by the fact that his whole entire fucking life was a game show hosted by God him damn self.

We are.

The words bounced painfully around in Dean’s head, that damn voice so loud and… comforting. Cas had been a comfort for Dean all these years. There was solace in knowing that Cas was there, just a call away. A prayer. After the fall, Cas stayed close. There were times that they fought. They they went their separate ways. But it was never for real. Never for long. But… this time… it felt final. Like the closing of a doors.

Like one last goodbye.