#deans diary

[madmaninabluebox]

Day Two

Cas is mad at me.

I didn’t do shit but cancel a recording on some stupid documentary about the ocean. Let me add - he’s seen it!

But he’s so mad at me that when I asked for a glass of water he brought me a glass of ice and said “wait” and just walked away. Definitely not getting laid tonight.

@confusedcasishere

Read it here on Ao3

[thedeanwinchesterchronicles]

The Reluctant Diarist #1

Okay. So the therapy thing didn't work. I mean, Sammy knew that and I had to at least humor him for a little bit. Thing is, he knew that too. But nothing that a soft, wet tongue couldn't cure. He may be smarter, hell, smarter than I'll ever be, but he's also a little slut. But more about that another day. I know it's the liquor. I guess it's a family thing. Dad and me I guess. Sam is so freaking level headed sometimes I can't help but think Mom might have been screwing the mailman. Not that mailmen are particularly smart, it's just, he's so different. And good. If Sam had been anything like me we would have died a hell of a long time ago. He keeps me straight. I need him like this God forsaken Earth needs the fucking Sun. My brother is like oxygen. I said to him once 'there ain't no me, if there ain't no you.' It's deeper than blood. It's on another mother fucking different plain all together. He is what keeps me fighting. Man, I know he hates that. 'We need to save people, De.' I know. I don't need telling twice but I would gladly watch the world burn for him and he would fucking hate it. My love for Sam renders me numb over every other human being on this fucking planet. Morally, fucked up. I'd be the worst world leader ever. I will die, either before him, or for him. It ain't God's plan. It's my plan and I'm Goddamn sticking to it. When I dragged him out of Stanford I dragged him into hell. And I'm telling you, hell just ain't a firey pit of torture and blood. It's every fucking day. Dusk til dawn. Midnight to noon. I'll repay him by dying first. I'd fucking kill myself now if it meant that he was free. I see him sometimes. Doing normal person stuff. Eating, drinking, reading, laying spent on my body. All fucked and wrung out and he looks lost. He was all dimples and tan and fresh and fucking beautiful that night at Stanford. I wish I could have put him to sleep for a hundred years and saved him from. Fuck. Saved him from me. See, that's why I drink. Well used to. Who am I kidding? You think it's coffee in those tiny little cups? It is, sometimes. Sometimes it ain't. I hate writing shit down but Sammy said it would help. Help me quit. I'm tired. I ain't even forty and I'm so fucking tired. How much time have I got left to set things right? To give Sam the life he deserves. I knew this would be a bad idea. Next time, maybe I should write about the fucking, but then, even that is tainted bittersweet. Hell, that's my freaking life. D. Winchester

[mishascupcake]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Mh4PjfuWY8)

[dsstv-blog]

Edited all day then went to our local Starbucks on the promise Soph was buying (and being sociable, see photo). We ordered from the 'Secret Menu'. Sophie grabbed a Nutella Frap, and even though i'd said on the way "I want a hot coffee", I guzzled a Red Velvet Frapuccino as that voice inside my head persuaded me somehow, last minute, to go for something I didn't even want. Starbucks quashed, we headed home and went for a walk along the canal near our house. I of course had a camera with me for all of this. Back at HQ we rocked the sofa watching some Orange Is The New Black on the 'Flix'.

[dsstv-blog]

Weston-Super-Mare was great yesterday, stayed dry which is always a bonus for any outdoor show in the UK. Spent the journey down finishing Fargo with Martin Freeman, who again was excellent, as is the Drama. Spent the journey back up watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and started Entourage. 

[dsstv-blog]

Busy day.

Travelled up to meet the boys and film something. Whilst at the location we had to get the photo above, taken at the same spot that Brad, Tris and James had there first shoot as a band. Of course this time, we add the mighty Connor Ball to the photo. It was a good moment, lots of laughs, reminiscing and more. Shoot went well, and at 11pm I have finished the edit and am uploading it for the band to watch tomorrow. YOU will be seeing it very soon as well.

[dsstv-blog]

Arrived back in the UK last night just in time to see another England performance to disappoint, looks like that is our exit from the World Cup, though it's never over till it's over I guess. 

Woke up around 9am and went straight to getting my bags sorted and chucking some stuff in the loft that needed 're-homing'. Around 1030am i'm showered and shaved ready to start editing. I firstly throw together some teasers for the COV4 'Somebody To You' DVD (available for pre order here) and then put together an edit on a new cover shot in America. Not sure when it will be released, but as long as everyone likes it this should be live within the next week I think. I never really know when videos are going live beforehand. Sometimes i'm told 'We will get this up and live as soon as it's ready', though that is rare. Generally i just prioritise what is needed first and then it will sit in waiting till I get the go ahead to release it. 

By the way, the above photo and timelapse here were both taken at Newark airport, well, nearby from our hotel. Only a dedicated photographer/filmmaker will understand this... Arriving at our hotel, the room is really nice, the bed feels soft, the in room dining menu looks amazing, the TV is huge, I have a big bath, air conditioning, tea/coffee, everything I need in my tired and hungry state. However, I won't be doing any of that, because all I want to do is go setup a timelapse of a view I just saw walking down the corridor, and take a photo.

Crazy isn't it. Like I said, only a few will understand why. 

[dsstv-blog]

There's many days of the year (most) that i'm grateful I get to do what I do, what I love to do. Today has definitely been one of them...

I struggle to sleep, so opt to shoot some long exposures from my room (see this post) around 2am, it's so dark some of the bulb shots are around 45 seconds long. Wide awake, I pack my gear away and tidy, ready to check out of our hotel in the morning. I wake around 6am, and by 630am i'm out with James at AppleJacks diner for some blueberry pancakes and tea (weak tea, the tea bags over here aren't quite as potent as back home). 

We go to Billboard first (clicking on the photos opens up the captions and the full photo by the way, check the reflecting building I photographed, pretty cool) and then onto the Empire State Building. At the ESB I obviously grab some shots, I get a few shots I really like of the boys and then shoot some panoramas (see bottom two photo's, make sure you click on them). The view from 103 floors high in the private viewing area is unbelievable, nothing looks real, it's like a giant model lego set!