Four and twenty chocolate dicks.
Pairing : Gabriel, Dean, Sam
Word count : 1,473
Warnings : Chocolate dildos / Edible sextoys, Gabriel being Gabriel, Furstrated and annoyed Dean, brief mention of porn, Mention of Gabriel’s dick.
Square filled : Debriel
Written for : @spnkinkbingo
A/N : A super awesome giant thank you needs to go out to @justballoonfishthings for this fic. The picture that inspired all this will be in the fic below.
SPN KINK BINGO MASTERLIST.
“Morning, Sunshine.” Gabe smiled as Dean walked into the kitchen. All he got in response was a grumble as Dean beelined for the coffee maker. “Hey, you should try this. I made these chocolate things, my coffee tastes great when I used it to stir. Kinda like, a mocha.”
Dean poured his coffee, wincing at the sound of Gabriel slurping. “You mind shutting up right now?”
“So grumpy in the morning. Oh yeah, you need one of these.”
“Look, Gabe. What I need is for you to shut the hell up, okay? I don’t need your-” Dean turned, and his brow furrowed as he watched Gabriel stirring his coffee with what looked like a rapidly melting chocolate dick. “What the fuck is that?”
Gabriel grinned. “It’s my dick. Made of chocolate. Wanna try?” He held it out, and Dean’s whole face scrunched up. “Come on. You know you want to.” Gabe wiggled his eyebrows.
“It’s too fucking early for this.” Dean turned and walked out.
“It’s never too early for a good dicking, Dean!” Gabe called after him.
“Sammy!”
Dean was massaging his temple as he read up on a case Sam had shown him. It was weird, even by hunter standards, and Dean couldn’t figure out what it could be. Sam was in the books, leaning on one of the shelves across the room. “It’s probably Gabriel trying to get attention again.” Dean resigned, and sat back in his chair.
“I don’t think it is.”
“Then it’s some lunatic. Let the cops figure it out.”
“They can’t, Dean. That’s why I showed it to you.”
“Well, I don’t know what it is, Sam.” Dean’s hand rose and fell as he leaned forward again. “And I’m getting a headache. I’m taking a break.”
“I’ll keep looking in the books..”
“You do you, Sammy.” Minimizing what he’d been reading, Dean opened a new browser window and started looking for something to take his mind off of the possible case and relax. But as he went about his search, he started to notice a pattern in the advertisements that kept popping up on the side of the pages. “GABRIEL!”
Gabe strolled into the room, almost as if he’d been waiting just out of sight. “What can I do for you, Dean Bean.”
“What the fuck is this?”
“Porn? Bad porn?” Sam glanced up from his book as Gabe spoke, his interest peaked.
“Not that.” Dean growled out through clenched teeth. “That.” he pointed to the side.
“Ads? Short for advertisement. You see-”
“I know what fucking ads are, Gabe.” Dean snapped. “Why are they all for chocolate in bulk and dick molds?” Sam cocked an eyebrow, glancing between the two men.
“Alright..” Gabriel cleared his throat. “So, the internet has this thing, where when you search for something, something or other happens, and-”
“Algorithms.” Sam chimed in. “It's algorithms.”
“Yeah.” Gabe pointed to Sam and nodded. “The algorithms do their thing and now you have ads for the kind of stuff you'd be interested in based on your searches.” Gabe smiled with a hint of pride.
Deans jaw worked and he fought to keep from yelling. “I didn't fucking search for bulk chocolate and dick molds, Gabriel.”
“No, I did that.”
The smile still on Gabriel's face seemed to make Dean angrier. “You can literally bring things into existence, and yet, you still searched for that stuff on my laptop?”
“Labour of love? I wanted to do things the human-”
“Get out.” Dean growled. Gabe hurried out, and Dean slammed his laptop shut.
“Dean-”
“Don't, Sam. He tried to stir my fucking coffee with a chocolate dick this morning.” Sam's eyebrows shot up. “Don't fucking say a word.”
“Wasn't going to..” Sam mumbled, nose back in a book. “Don't even know where to start with that one..”
“I'm sorry.”
Dean glanced up from his plate of food to Sam then up at Gabriel standing beside the table. “About?”
“The laptop.” Gabe glanced down at his foot and scuffed his shoe against the floor. Gabe looked at Sam through his lashes, and the younger Winchester motioned with his head to his older brother. Gabe sighed. “I shouldn't have used your laptop without your permission, especially for a search like that and I'm sorry.” Dean watched him for a minute. “Will you forgive me?”
“I'll think about it.” Dean's voice still held his obvious anger towards the angel, but less than it had earlier.
Gabe pouted for a moment while Dean went back to his meal. “Would it help if I told you I made you a pie?”
Dean's face almost lit up, before the suspicion he felt showed on his face as he looked up at Gabe again. “You made pie?”
Gabe nodded. “Just for you.”
Dean's brow furrowed a bit before smoothing out again. “What kind of pie?” Sam shook his head at how easy it was to distract Dean from his anger.
“It's kind of like blackbird pie, but different.”
“Blackbird..?” Dean grew more confused. “What? What is that and how is it different?”
A huge grin spread over Gabe’s face. “Four and twenty chocolate dicks baked in a pie.”
Dean's face took on a look of absolute horror as Gabe produced the offending pie. Chocolate dildos, surprisingly unmelted - likely due to it being made by angel mojo and not the oven, sticking out from the top.
“Jesus Christ!” Dean stood abruptly from the table. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Sam was laughing hysterically as Dean stormed out of the kitchen.
Gabe placed the pie on the table, pulled out one of the chocolate dildos and followed Dean, waving it around. “Come on, Deanie Baby! Just try one! I promise you'll like it!”
“Fuck off!!” Dean yelled before slamming his bedroom door.
Sam couldn't help himself, he leaned over the table and glanced in through the hole left behind by the one Gabriel took. It looked like a simple chocolate pie. Dipping his finger in, he scooped up some filling and popped his finger in his mouth. “Not bad..”
“I know! And he won't even try it.” Gabriel was pouting again.
“Maybe you should tone down the dicks.” Sam pointed out with a chuckle.
“But they're the best part!” when Gabe heard the door open again, he leaned out into the hall. “Sam liked it!”
“Then Sam can fucking eat your dicks! I'm going out.”
Dean stumbled into the kitchen long after everyone had gone to sleep. It was the drunkest he'd felt in years. But Gabriel had that effect on people. “Asshole.” he muttered to himself as he pulled open the fridge for a beer.
He rolled his eyes at the sight of chocolate dicks lined up neatly and taking over an entire shelf to themselves.
“Of course.” he grumbled, grabbing a beer.
He popped the top off and chugged back most of the bottle, eyes locked on the chocolate dicks that had made his day hell. Lowering the bottle, he licked his lips and looked around the fridge again.
Spotting the pie from earlier, he glanced around behind him before leaning into the fridge to dip his finger in. The glob of cooled chocolate filling entered his mouth, and Dean had to admit, it tasted good. Reaching in, he dipped in for a second glob and happily licked his fingers clean as his eyes drifted back to the chocolate dicks. If the pie really had those baked into it, they must be good. Right?
“Right.” Dean muttered in answer to his thoughts. Reaching into the fridge again, he grabbed one of the dicks from the back corner hoping no one would notice it missing from there. When he pulled his arm back, he knocked a few over and scrambled to catch them, letting the beer bottle drop from his hand. “Shit!”
Setting them back as they were, Dean looked at the one left in his hand. Slowly he raised it, cock tip aimed at his mouth. He gave his head a shake before taking it into his mouth and biting off the head.
“Hmm. Not bad..” Dean stood in front of the opened fridge and chewed, enjoying the taste. Just as he was about to take another bite, the light flicked on and he jumped, spinning around.
“Told you you'd like it.” Gabe was grinning, ear to ear.
“It's not bad, alright? Now fuck off.” Gabe continued to smile at him, so he was too self conscious to take another bite. “Why dicks? And why this dick?”
“Because it's mine.” Dean froze. “I made them in a mold of my own cock.” Gabe reached down and grabbed himself, giving it a shake.
“Oh shit..” Dean doubled over, gagging. “Oh thats..” he heaved again. “What the fuck, Gabe!!”
“You're the one who put my dick in your mouth.” Gabe shrugged.
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