#dear desiree

[calendrekitten]

desiree,

im back. you know, i cant guarantee you can even read these, but i feel better putting this energy out there, trying to open communication. the wounds are still fresh and its been three years. how long is it supposed to take to get over this?

maybe im not supposed to- and maybe thats not all bad. i see you in a lit of aspects of life and remember all the things you didnt know you taught me. how to love, how to smile, how to feel, how to speak my mind. i’m still learning how to be independent. im so thankful for that.

but i always wish you were still here to brush my hair away from my face and tell me all the wonderful places we’d stop on our way to nevada on my 18th birthday. you always knew how to calm me down. nobody else can fix me like that. well, maybe thats not true.. but nobody with that ability wants to. i could sit here for hours and praise you over and over and over, but i wont. my hands are shaky.

[calendrekitten]

desiree,

im so time sensitive. im counting down the time until life changes and brings us back together. nobody is ever going to love me like you did, des. and that hurts so much to say. last month, i tried to end my life everyday, and failed. i know you didnt want me to die, i know you’re my guardian angel, but maybe i need to—im not exactly excited to see what great falls life has in store for me in the near and far future.

i met a girl, but thats over. long over. you would’ve LOVED her though. she reminds me of that energy you had after you cut your hair and broke up with austin, smoking your vanilla cigarette on the roof. i admired you so much.

that moment was fleeting, a lot like being happy, ive found. they really do take the good things and good ones young. i miss you more every day. im trying to get out of here just for you and i need all the strength you can give me, and i know thats hard from beyond the grave but your badassery lives on haha. i love you, des.

[edgeofdesiree]

If I met you, we'd do a kick-ass fist bump then talk like normal people.

Thank you for this! I fucking love fist bumps and normal people talk!

[basedinkindness]

Probably gonna be In love with Desiree the rest of my whole fucking life lol

[basedinkindness]

I’m such a jealous little bitch I refuse to leave John for anyone but I get angry at people who date people who aren’t me like rayne aren’t you gay??? Desiree why is your girlfriend so young?? Boy why the hell you wanna say that girl is hot? I’m a fucking mess honestly.

[basedinkindness]

I'm sorry I'm never enough for you when you're sober.

-- Because you only love me when you're drunk, ten word story

[basedinkindness]

d e s i r e e

[basedinkindness]

And maybe, I never expected us to work out. Maybe I never thought you would really want to be with me. But maybe I didn't care. And maybe I was choosing not only my happiness, but yours. Because if anyone in the world deserves to be happy, it's you.

Rachael, The Story of Desiree.