#dear mono

[hisoknen]

Omg it's Toph themself on the tumbler!!!!!! HI <3333 HRU!!!

MONO BELOVED im squeezing you!! you and your lil bb pup come here rn rn

[klaythey]

Dear Mono

I write this with uncertain intention of you ever reading it. Really depends on how it turns out. I'm in a mood--heart-broken, in fact--so I think at the time that it'll sound stupid, but we'll see. That's what that was. When I froze up and got real fuckin' quiet. My heart dropped through the mattress, fell three stories, and hit the cold ground.

Am I wrong? Don't answer that. but, rhetorically, is this whole polyamory thing just an excuse? Am I so fucking wrong? Am I really wired without jealously and capable of maintaining such beautiful romantic connections with multiple people? Of making these people I love happy? Or is it an excuse to avoid the consequences of infidelity? I struggle with  monogamy; I can't succeed at it. I'm a cheater. No matter how much I love someone, I can't wrap my head around the idea that either of us possess that love, that it is not each of ours to share and multiply--not divide--as we see fit.

Polyamory. Multiple love. Pansexuality. Attraction to an individual based on who they are--their souls--not discriminating based on gender identity. Once again, is this even real? It's what I feel is best for me, and there are other poly/pan people with similar ideals, but at the same time it's so off-the-wall. Haha, if homosexuals defy conventional hetero-monogamous norms, just think about how unacceptable it is to be poly. To be me.

I express my love with so many different people, all on different levels and in ways totally unique to the relationship between me and the reciprocating party. Just because my connection is stronger with one person doesn't mean I ought to have to limit the expression of all other relations. It just doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't seem fair.

Now please note the amor in polyamory. It's not polysexuality alone. "Why do you have to have sex with other people?" I don't HAVE to DO IT. I have to have the option, because if I didn't, it would limit my expression of love, and love should be limitless and free. When you suggest or request exclusivity with me, it's a lot different than with a monogamous person. To my knowledge, they date around seeking "the one," or something similar, and when that person shows up they abandon all other prospects to pursue a relationship with that "one." I, personally, know several people who all have their own roles in my life and cannot rely on only "one" for long. Someone else shows up who has something to share, to teach, to learn, to give, to receive, and I find it ideal to be able to fully realize that relationship's potential, whatever it may be--a month-long fling, a lifetime bond, lasting friendship, romantic love, or anywhere in-between.

Is that enough for you, dear? I want to make whatever we have fruitful and enjoyable and free and loving, no matter how big or small, long or short of a part of my life for which you remain. No expectations, just endless possibility and all the time in the world for growing, evolving together into whatever we may become. And I believe that in this one short life I deserve that opportunity with everyone I meet. It's what I want.

In my perfect world, there wouldn't be such discriminating conventions brought into our psyches from living in society about what sort of relationship is normal and what sort is "weird" or uncomfortable. I wish it was acceptable to follow my heart. But when has being socially acceptable ever been an issue for me anyway? :)

Love,

Poly