I wonder if you’ve tried to text me since I blocked you. I wonder if you even noticed. I wonder if you even care. I wish you wanted to see me. I want that more than anything. To just have you apologize. To really actually apologize to me. Because you haven’t. Not once. Not for cheating. Not for being cold. Not for being mean. Not for anything. And I deserve that. I deserve an apology. I deserve you. I want to bask in the warmth of your love on a big rock like a lizard. Are you scared I’ll reject you? Are you scared of judgement? Are you scared of marriage? Are you scared of me? Are you scared you messed things up too badly? I wonder if you even think of me at all. Probably not. I mean you said you’re going to move in with her. After only a year and some change. You said you’ve moved on. As if I’m some sickness you can’t get away from fast enough. As if I was the worst mistake you ever made. I wish you’d choose me. I want you to choose me. I know it won’t be easy but I don’t care. I want whatever it is with you. But I guess I should let go of that dream. If there was any part of you that had the slightest feeling of wanting to be with me again I guess we wouldn’t be in this position. Well, I choose me. I want you to, I want you to just show up on my front porch. I want to believe that you still love me. I still love you. Well… I guess the you I knew you to be. The kind and soft and warm and loving you. The you that brought a praying mantis almost two hours in the car just to show me. The you that would buy me 3 bouquets of flowers because you didn’t know which one I liked more. The you that leaves your socks on the floor in front of my grandmothers chair in your living room. The you that procrastinates your dishes for like two months even though that drives me crazy. The you that never gave up on me. I guess he’s gone now. I don’t think I’ll ever love again. Not the way I love you.