dear z,
today i taught my daughter how to make frozen pizza special in the way you used to do for me, and i did it with a smile under a cloud of grief.
for how long will i miss you?
at least if we must never meet again, i will know you over and over through frozen pizza, the jingle of someone's keys, the smell and taste of cigarettes, and the memory of your laugh which haunts me even on days i forget to think of you.
i am here again, screaming into the void, to let you know that even if i have never been able to love you with the same tenderness with which you loved me, because it took me so much longer to learn how, that i did and do love you. lest you forget that you are, may the universe always show you this message to remind you that someone out there does.
may she never remind you of who, so you can continue to live your life without my memory to taint it.