#dearest ed

[sharedsilhouette]

Tonight

My boo-thang Asked if we could *make love* And then he said he wanted to tell me about all the parts of my body that he loved. He named every part of me and told me why. And then kissed them and stared up at me with starry eyes. He told me about the soft parts and the sharp parts and the smooth parts and the thin parts and the curvy parts and all the birth marks and freckles and everything. He said he loved all of it. Then he put me into a sex coma and had to move my entire body because it was all tingly and numb in certain places. Then when I fell asleep for my pre-graveyard shift nap; he stayed up and cuddled up to me and smelled me and watched a German thriller movie and when my alarm went off he kissed me and had all my work clothes ready with all my stuff and he helped me get dressed and drove me to work and kissed me and told me he couldn't wait to see me again. And he'll see me again in the morning. Because I'm coming right back because we're apartment hunting and ugh argh awww omg I'm so lucky to be in love with someone who is also in love with me and sweet and kind and wtf wow what did I do to deserve being treated well finally? Awwww. Thank you universe!!! 💕

[r-andm-s]

I have so much to be grateful for and i’d only realized it lately. There’s no need to elaborate, really. Because if i did, there’d be not enough time left for me to finish remaining schoolwork. I was absent today but it doesn’t change a thing; to be quite frank it just doubles the pressure. And the schoolwork.

But as much as i don’t want this to be long and boring and typical and somehow overrated, i also don’t wanna deprive myself of writing (about you).

Honestly i don’t know what to feel anymore.

When i space out at random times and think one by one of all the people in my life right now and all the happenings occurring and reoccurring…i know deep down i am indeed blessed. And then i start to feel grateful. And like i’m on top of the world for everything in my life at the moment. For this moment.

But then again, my mind suddenly drifts off only and it leads back to you.

And then i’d start asking myself the same questions over and over again.

The why did he do this; how did he feel about that; what is he doing right now; or if or not i went wrong or it’s just the timing itself.

Then i’d get the urge to write. To write it all down. Every thought, every feeling, every question i longed to ask. Every theory, every conclusion, whatever. Just so i could let the emotions out.

And if i don’t feel like writing at the moment, i’d tell myself to listen to tunes that feel the same way as me and would be able to speak my feelings. But then i’d tell myself that they’re all the same, and that i’d only be wasting time pretending. And i’d feel that hunting for new music isn’t appropriate since i just got myself into a bad mood.

I’d also wanna go message my friends one by one asking them all the same thing but then i’d only feel like i’m bothering and disturbing them.

And when i got nothing else left to do to be able to put you out of my mind, i panic.

And in the middle of those panicking, i only tend to think of you more.

Because then whenever i panic, i suddenly want you there to hold me. I suddenly just want you to be there.

I miss you.