(TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS- I WOULDN'T SUGGEST READING THIS POST IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.)
"Do you ever wonder what death feels-a-like? Is it-a-calm or is it like people say? Would I go to-a-heaven... or would I just... Rot in hell. Normally I keep these thoughts to my-a-self. But I always used to-a-wonder if there was a way out... through death. not accidently of course.... too long to wait. so, I tried it, but I wished that honestly... that I had been able to just leave." ".... but no." "Of fucking course, I HAVE to be immortal. and the worse-a-part is no matter how many lives I try to take. I. always. fucking. respawn." "Sealing me-a-here was clearly not enough for the devil. Clearly.... For him at least, if I was going to be trapped here. I couldn't probably get a way out. Hell--- I have even tried just jumping into the lava once, and jeez... that lava DOES-a-burn like-a-hell." "It also doesn't-a-help that the one other flower I find comfort in is white lilies! which literally are-a-used in funerals. And I have no idea why the-a-fuck I've been crying for some "girl"--- I meant her dead and I fucking meant it... but NO. I APPAERANTLY AM STILL A FUCKING HUMAN AND JUST FEEL REGRET. REGRET THAT I KILLED HER AND HER BOY? THAT I FELT SOMETHING AFTER MORE THAN 30 YEARS?! AFTER FEELING LIKE I HAD NO REASON TO LIVE AND KEEP "SURVIVING" IN THIS ABSOLUTE HELL- AND I SWEAR TO GOD I DON'T-A- KNOW WHO I WANTED MORE DEAD AT THAT MOMENT, ME OR DEAREST. WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS GOING TO-- AND WHAT WAS ALL THIS FOR?!?! TO GET MY FUCKING---" "*Inhale*" "*Exhale*"
".... I think it's-a-late for me to be-a-up. Maybe some actual sleep can do me something. Or at least keep me from doing something stupid or "idiotic" according to most. I'm- just so-a-tired right-a-now..." "..." "See you all in the-a-morning hopefully."