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- im sorry for crossing the line

To see his face crumble like that,

almost felt like I'd taken a hammer

and hit the house he'd made

from matchsticks.

I tried walking the line between

love and respect.

That vulnerability he showed me

was so beautiful and desperate and excruciating,

on the drive home it made me cry.

I hope he is ok.

And I hope they will be too.

I hope he could see

that I only want the best for them.

#dearmatthew #dearjohnny #deardanielle

Depends On Who’s Watching

“Since the day I was born, he was by my side. He looked over me day and night. The most gentle creature I’ve ever encounterd. Since the day I was born he divided my realms. I know them all. The one I was born into thought, I know the least. The human concept is lost on me. There is so much more out there, so many wars to fight, so many souls to save. It’s a constant battle for the balance of the universe. I know it, and he knows, but the world doesn’t know. It hurst my soul to see so many die, not being able to return. At least not right away.

I tried. With every fiber of my being I tried to help, I tried to fight a war that wasn’t mine, and I lost. I lost in the grandest way possible to the human imagination. I lost my mother and my father. I lost my freedom. But what hurt the most was, I lost him, and losing him drove me crazy, literally. My brother was the last one standing by my side. He visited me once or twice a month.

But Abraxas, my friend, my ally, my guardian demon, my love, he’s gone; and I am not sure if I will ever see him again.

It’s been three years since I got committed into a psychiatric ward. I’ve learned to be human, to embrace my mortal side. For the first time I feel alive. Maybe all of it was just a spiel of my imagination. I don’t know. I won’t know, until they release me. Soon. One day. Some day.”

xoxo --Johnny

#spilled ink #amwriting #PilotLife #DearJohnny #Johnny #Abraxas