#dearma

[pichulapascual]

Dear ma...

I am sorry for your destiny.

I am grateful for your present

I am happy you are who you are

I am delighted with what you have achieved

[hojoborologupibagha]

Trying to drape like her.

[dannieplz]

I just want you to love me. Me. Not the nonexistent version of me. The one you fantasize and wish I be. Is that too much to ask?

[laugh100xlouder]

I Have My Ma’s Eyes

Remember when you would piano key down my spine until my breathing sounded like whistling chimes, hanging on a door on a hot summer day? Your sweet voice made the chimes come to life in my vivid imagination as the words that rolled off your tongue belonged to a harmonious symphony. What I see now is not the reflection of what dwells in my childhood memory, that is, if she ever existed. Or is my memory betrayed by my longing for chit- chats when I learned to call you Ma and nurture when I could not yet run. You were supposed to be my knee pads when I fell on all fours. You were supposed to be my shield Ma, but go ahead. Break me down with your vulgar words and drag me by my fingertips because I have breasts, the physiognomy of a woman. I rebel and little me asks myself why. And there’s devil- me over there who stands tall on my right shoulder with hands on her wide hips, strutting her love handles, always cheering me on.

I admit that I do not revisit old photographs, not that I have many, because I am simply afraid to return to a trapped state where I was a boy there with a mushroom haircut. How I cried ever time my hair passed the round corners of my ears because you’d tell me that it was time to cut my hair again. All I ever wanted was to swirl around in puffy floral dresses with colorful ribbons in my hair as decorations like all the other little girls. At least then, I satisfied your expectations of a boy. Blame the doctor who didn't know how to read the ultra sound. Blame him for getting your hopes up. If I could only put into words how everyone’s high pitched laughs stung my ears when I told them I was a girl. But you probably wouldn't care anyway. How I yearned to be 13 and 16, but even that wasn’t enough. And here I am. 18. It’s true. your opinions manifest my perception; making me not the best person I know I am capable of being. To the point that I don't blame you for not making me your favorite. Your words cold and sharp. Your touch so foreign. Your scent, non- existent. But your steps are heavy, fearing all. 

One day, I’ll sit the way you want me to, chew the right way, and maybe even be toothpick skinny. Until then, throw the fake China in the pantry as hard as you can so they snap into a million pieces. The lurid words you preach are louder than my cries as I tip- toe, crawl, and fall over the broken pieces you left on the kitchen floor that gently embed themselves in my epidermis. When you’re done, stab the chopsticks into the table as if it was my thumping heart on the knife board to stop the pain. And when you’re satisfied, take a good look at me like you always do. My tears no longer naÏve to believe your forehand would reach out for guidance, helping them sashay down my cheeks. And this time, when you laugh, I hope you know that it is you who you are laughing at because you created the reflection I see everyday in the magic mirror. Why is it that you tell me that the genes you passed down to me are not beautiful. When others tell me I’m perfect I know not to believe them because you must speak the truth because you are my mother. I will shower you with everything I can offer you until I myself have nothing because without your foul words and rough hands, I would never know what genuine happiness smells, feels, and tastes like. You made me realize that I’m not just rainbows and cotton candy; but, I have an inner dragon that breaths fire. 

[inhinyerangklarita]

Dear Mom,

Hindi ako perpektong anak. Ugali ko palage mo iniintindi. Mga kahilingan ko naibibigay mo. Wala ako nagagawang tama kundi bigyan ka lang ng sakit ng ulo. Madalas tayo mag-talo. Isang sigaw mo lang sasagutin na agad kita. Lumalaban ako. Kumakatwiran ako. Hindi ko tinatanggap mga pagkakamali ko. Taon ang naging pagitan bago tayo nag-kasama muli. Loob ko sayo lumayo ng kusa. Nakaya ko mabuhay na wala ka sa tabi ko pero pera mo ang bumuhay sa akin. Iniwan mo ako noon na isang batang takot na takot pa sayo. Iniwan mo ako para sa aking kinabukasan. Bata pa lang ako pangarap mo na maging mabuti ang buhay ko kahit na pamilya natin ay sobrang gulo. Madami nangyare sa akin nung wala ka sa tabi ko. Ngayon andito ka na. Ngayon kasama na kita. Ngayon hindi na ako ang dating batang iniwan mo noon na akala mo magiging ganun pa din. Nagulat ka dahil baket iba na ako. Nagulat ka dahil ugali ko nagbago. Hindi ka na sanay. Iba na ako noon sa ngayon... Sa tuwing nagtatalo tayo, sa tuwing nasisigawan kita at nasasabihan ng mga masasakit na salita sobrang bigat yun sa pakiramdam ko. Oo. Sobrang taas ng pride ko. Oo. Di ko kayang tanggapin pagkakamali ko. Oo. Gusto ko ako lage nasusunod. Oo. Masama akong anak. Pero lahat ng yan. Lahat ng ginawa ko sayo mali sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam ko. Sobrang sakit sa kalooban. Sobra. At ang gusto ko lang sabihin sayo ay SORRY MA. Sorry dahil hindi ako mabuting anak. Pero ngayon, sinusubukan ko na magbago. Kaya ko lang naman nagawa yun sayo dahil iniwan mo ako mas pinili mo mag hanapbuhay sa malayong lugar at hindi ako kasama. Sobrang nagtampo ako sayo nung iniwan mo ako.. Kaya siguro naging ganito ako. Hindi ko naintindihan ang mga bagay bagay. Pero ngayon matured na ako. Alam ko na ang tama at mali. Lahat naintindihan ko na. Lahat. Sana hindi pa ako huli. Magbabago na ako tulad ng ipinangako ko sayo dahil binigyan mo ako ng pangalawang pagkakataon. Ipaparamdam ko na sayo ang pagiging isang anak. Ipaparamdam ko na sayo na ikaw lang ang ina ko. SORRY MA. Sobrang mahal na mahal kita. Ayoko mawala ka ulit sa tabi ko. Ayoko lumayo ka ulit. Salamat dahil kahit ganito ako hindi mo pa rin ako sinukuan. Salamat dahil ang swerte ko at may ina akong katulad mo. Salamat sa lahat ma. Hindi pa ito ang huli dahil madame pa ulet tayo pagdadaanan. Sa ngayon hanggang dito nalang. Gusto ko lang naman talaga batiin ka ng... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MAMA.

[akonadentistamo]

Dear Ma...

Hay nako mama... just got off the phone talking to you. Your words hit me so badly.

"So di nyo kami igrgreet bukas? BAHALA KAYO."

mama tlgaaaa. >.< oo alam ko.. alam naming tatlo... na 23rd Anniversary nyo bukas ni papa... kahit si papa ay nasa Mindanao, we don't want you to be alone celebrating your anniversary..

kaya nga bukas... we, your offsrpings, will surprise you with a cake. 1st time pa naming tatlo gagawin toh ah. hayyyyy... kaya I can't wait to see your face bukas.. surprised XD

sabi pa ni bro.. na off cellphones.. orrr... kapag tatawag ka ma, di namin sasagutin. :)) wew... that would piss you off tlga ma. :)) hay. excited for tomorrow XD WE LOVE YOU MAMA AND PAPA! xD