Dear Past Self, (Part One)
Synopsis: In which James's best friend, y/n, is visiting Korea from Taiwan. The members don’t know that y/n is hard of hearing. And James completely forgets about her disability while tied up with Idol duties. Juhoon becomes Y/N’s saviour and maybe more than that.
Pairing: James X Reader
Warnings: mentions of ableism in flashbacks, fluff, no smut, CORTIS x reader, James X reader, mentions of disability
A/N: I always see deaf or HOH fics where the characters know ASL or learn ASL. I don’t know ASL. So, this is my spin on a fanfic with a disabled character.
Read for part two.
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The members of CORTIS have never seen their hyung so excited since their debut. Martin is told by James multiple times to clean the dorm, even if it means keeping the other members awake at 4 a.m. with his loud vacuuming. Keonho and Seonghyon are told by James all week to tone it down before Y/N's arrival, whatever that means. Juhoon is told that he has to put his book collection on a shelf instead of leaving books scattered around the dorm, including in the bathroom.
No one is allowed to leave a dish in the sink, which is strange for the CORTIS dorm.
Martin isn't allowed to play Fortnite that week. Then, on Friday before Y/N arrives, he needs a break from all his work in the studio, which leads to him practically begging on his knees for the oldest member to let him play at least one game.
The twins aren't allowed to go crazy at the convenience store and bring back greasy food. James claims that Y/N is sensitive to certain smells. He never tells his members that his best friend wears hearing aids and relies heavily on their other senses.
Juhoon notices James turning on the TV captions in the settings one evening. He never mentions it to the other members, although he really wants to question his hyung about his strange behavior.
James spends every free moment between recording sessions and work checking to see whether Y/N's plane has landed safely at Incheon International Airport.
Y/N has no idea that James does all this preparation before they arrive in Korea. The flight from Taiwan to Korea is awful. First, the left hearing aid falls out before takeoff, and a flight attendant delays the flight by twenty minutes while helping find it between the seats. Then, the child sitting behind starts screaming just as Y/N opens their favorite book to read.
They can never sleep on planes. Able-bodied hearing people always assume taking out the hearing aids helps them relax, but it only makes things worse because they aren't deaf. They're hard of hearing and can still hear plenty of background noise without the hearing aids.
Lastly, Y/N tried to order an Asian herbal tea to calm their nerves, but the child behind starts crying again, and they completely forget about the tea.
By the time the plane lands, they're more than ready to escape the noisy airport and rant to James about the entire flight. He's their listener, their person, their best friend, their shoulder to cry on, and so much more.
The moment Y/N steps off the chaotic flight, they turn on their phone to see if James has arrived at the airport. All they want is to see him again and hug him.
His last visit to Taiwan was two years ago, when he called his mom in tears because he didn't want to be a trainee anymore. Y/N is there through it all, encouraging him to return to Korea and continue training at HYBE, where he's now living out his dream.
The airport is loud, and even with their hearing aids in, Y/N can't hear much.
What they don't expect is a text message from someone named Martin saying that a car is waiting to take them to HYBE, where James is recording.
Y/N only knows Martin through text messages and voice notes where random noises constantly interrupt James' recordings. So when they finally spot a sign that reads, Car Ride from James, their jaw drops.
The entire walk to the parking lot is silent. The man carrying one of their bags never says a word. Y/N can't tell whether he's part of CORTIS's security team or simply the airport driver.
"I have so much to tell you."
They want to run over, hug James, and mess up his hair like they always do back in school.
But the thought disappears almost instantly.
He's an idol.
He dreams of this life.
You're just...you.
A person with hearing aids trying to navigate Korea for the first time.
-
Inside the recording studio, the twins are having a foam sword fight while Juhoon makes ramen in the HYBE kitchen. Honestly, it's the only thing he knows how to cook. Music blasts through the soundproof studio, where the acoustics are the best, and their manager hides away somewhere he doesn't want to be disturbed.
Before Juhoon can announce that the ramen is ready, their manager steps out of his tiny office and announces that the release of their second album has been moved from summer 2026 to spring 2026.
Keonho is the first to react, tossing aside his foam sword.
"I have a demo I want to share. Maybe it can help us."
Juhoon stays quiet.
He knows they're all overworked, and James desperately needs a break—a break with his best friend from Taiwan. He doesn't say anything because he watches James' grin slowly disappear into a frown.
Juhoon secretly notices every dorm preparation James makes for his guest, but he never brings it up.
"We should just have a sleepover at HYBE and finish everything before the deadline," Keonho suggests, sitting up from the beanbag while Martin continues working on a track and James stares at his phone.
"Our manager won't let us. I already asked," Martin replies, knowing an all-nighter would help him finish more work.
In the corner of the small studio, James quietly mumbles, "Y/N is here. I'll be back. I'm gonna give them a tour of the building."
No one hears him over Martin's demo.
James is so distracted thinking about his best friend that he completely forgets to tell the others that Y/N is hard of hearing and wears hearing aids.
Y/N stands the moment they see James step out of the elevator.
He looks different.
Taller.
Fresher.
He has a new haircut and expensive clothes.
Y/N has to remind themselves that he isn't the same James from school anymore.
He's an idol.
James ignores the receptionist staring at Y/N and rushes over, wrapping them in a hug.
"I have to tell you something."
Y/N can't hear him. His face isn't turned toward them, making it impossible to read his lips. Even with hearing aids, they still need eye contact to understand speech in loud places.
"Welcome to HYBE. I'm working with the guys right now, but I promise we'll grab something to eat and catch up afterward."
James finally faces them and smiles.
Y/N's smile immediately fades.
Their best friend is already busy.
They should have expected this.
"So...can I finally meet the famous producer Martin?" they ask with a forced smile, unaware of just how loud the studio is.
"I thought you missed me?" James pouts.
"Martin texted me at the airport that my ride was waiting." Their voice hesitates. They come to Korea for James, but they're also excited to finally see where he works with his group.
"Oh, right. I was recording some ad-libs for our album. I told him to do it," James says, turning toward Y/N as they wait for the elevator. A loud ping echoes through the hallway as the doors slide open.
The second they walk into the CORTIS studio, James immediately leaves Y/N's side.
All five members are talking at once.
The overlapping voices make Y/N feel like a lost child in a crowded mall.
A tall boy—who they assume is Martin—is playing a beat on his computer, while someone they recognize from James' TikToks stands inside a makeshift recording booth.
The room is so overwhelming that all they want is to ask James to take them back to the dorm and sit with them in silence.
Instead of admitting the studio is far too loud, Y/N quietly sinks into a beanbag in the corner and waits for James to finish.
-
James' schedule is non-stop. You should’ve expected that before you told him you would come and visit during your university spring break.
“Um, hi. I bought you a snack and a cold water,” a brunette boy approaches you all of sudden when James is out of sight while you're waiting on a couch in a hallway of a recording studio.
You glance up at the handsome boy, and notice that it is one of the boys you saw in the studio earlier before you found a chair to relax in and put your hearing aids back in their case.
“I’m Juhoon. The other quiet one of the group. You must be James Hyung's friend from Taiwan. Sorry I didn’t properly introduce myself, we have been recording our second EP.,” You stare at his lips and try to read them even though your hearing aids aren’t in your ears.
You hear about 80% of what he says, and instead of asking him to repeat it, you decide he’s friendly and kind enough to notice you weren’t your wearing hearing aids and holding the case. So you take the tiny hearing aid case out of your purse and place the small pieces in your ears while he watches you, studying your face.
“Y/N, my name is Y/N,” You decide to say while putting your hand out for him to shake.
You want to include that your James' best friend from Taiwan. But that seemed kinda awkward considering that he wasn't there.
Juhoon didn’t say anything about Y/N’s hearing aids. In fact, he kept quiet and sat down on the couch in the break room and grabbed a bag of chips to eat with Y/N.
“Are you gonna ask me about my hearing aids or why am I here?” You stop mid bite and ask Juhoon, politely.
“No, that’s rude to ask someone about their disability. James hyung has been talking about you all week. He’s prepared the dorm for your arrival. His side of the room is even decked out in pink and flowers. You should see it soon, it’s like he totally forgot about boundaries,” Juhoon faces Y/N to respond so that she can hear him and acts dramatic during his small rant because James turned his room into a guest room and shoved him out.
You don’t have anything else to say, so you change the subject. You know and trust James but sleeping in a dorm with 5 guys wasn’t what you came here for. It was as if your best-friend totally forgot to tell the members that you wore hearing aids, but still had some ability to hear without them at night. That’s why you booked a hotel room.
“Um, can you not tell the others about my disability? Only James knows and I don’t know any form of sign language. It becomes weird when people try to sign towards me and notice my hearing aids,” You whisper in a lower voice feeling insecure already in a music studio where there's sound everywhere.
“Pinky promise. You’ll get a chance to talk to James somewhere quieter soon. I have to go back before the boys joke about my stomach issues.” The younger boy walked away with your secret in mind knowing that too much noise was not your forte.
You smile slightly and wait for the boys to finish recording vocals. Assuming that after this you’ll get a moment with your best friend,
-
After a quick stop at the CORTIS dorm to change your outfit, you get directed to a separate car with two boys who look alike. Not James, though. You frown for the second time that day, realizing that James didn’t even introduce you to the members at any point in the day. He completely forgets about your disability and acts like you can hear everyone in the studio.
At dinnertime, you expect to have a private moment with your best friend. The teppanyaki restaurant the CORTIS staff chooses is loud, though.
Not as loud as the HYBE studio, but loud enough that Y/N hears everyone in the restaurant talking over the members.
James is far too busy with his members to notice that Y/N is sitting alone at a table, picking at chopsticks that aren’t even broken, away from the CORTIS staff.
All you want to do is take your hearing aids out and pretend you aren't at the restaurant anymore. But you have to wait until a server comes around and hopefully asks for your order. You haven't had anything to eat since scavenging through the studio break room for snacks while James is recording.
You glance over at the table where the members are shooting some sort of TikTok video and smile at your best friend, who seems to be living his best life. Maybe he doesn't need you anymore, you think to yourself. He has his brothers if he ever needs a shoulder to cry on in Korea.
After they finish shooting the video, the members finally settle back into their seats and begin looking over the menu, chatting excitedly as they decide what they want to eat. The servers weave through the restaurant, stopping at table after table to take orders. You wait patiently, figuring someone will come by in a minute. They never do.
One by one, plates of sizzling meat, fried rice, and vegetables begin arriving at the members' side of the table. Laughter fills the air as they reach across one another to steal bites and joke about whose order looks the best. The noise of the restaurant blends together until it becomes a dull roar in your hearing aids, making it impossible to separate one voice from another.
You sit quietly, your menu still closed in front of you. No one asks what you want. No server ever comes over to take your order, and with everyone caught up in their own conversations, no one seems to notice that you're still waiting.
At first, you tell yourself they'll realize eventually.
Then another round of food arrives.
Your stomach twists—not just from hunger, but from the sinking feeling that you've somehow become invisible.
You lower your gaze to your lap and take a slow breath. If James notices, he doesn't show it. He's laughing with the members, completely absorbed in the moment, and you don't have the heart to interrupt him. You don't want to make a scene. You don't want everyone to stop talking just because of you.
So, without a word, you push your chair back as quietly as possible.
No one looks up.
You slip away from the table and find one of the CORTIS staff members near the entrance and let them know you're leaving. Keeping your voice calm, you ask if someone can drive you to the inexpensive hotel you booked before flying to Korea—a backup plan you make just in case the CORTIS dorm is too loud for you.
The staff member nods without asking too many questions and calls for a company car.
Before you shut the car door, you spot Juhoon running out of the expensive teppanyaki restaurant holding a takeout bag filled with several boxes of food he secretly orders for you and doesn’t eat. Inside the bag is a note with his phone number in case you need anything, and at the bottom it says he pinky promises not to tell anyone your secret, and that he told the members that he had constipation so he had an excuse to leave the table.
A few minutes later, you're sitting alone in the back seat, watching the bright Seoul lights blur together outside the window. The restaurant disappears behind you, along with the laughter that never once includes you.
The silence inside the car is almost comforting.
With a tired sigh, you reach for your hearing aid case out of your purse and carefully slip your hearing aids out, one after the other. The overwhelming noise of the restaurant fades instantly, replaced by a familiar quiet that wraps around you like a blanket. You rest your head against the cool window and close your eyes, letting the city pass by in muted flashes of light as the driver takes you to your hotel.
In your mind, the only thought that lingers is: does James still remember who you are as a hearing-impaired girl from Taiwan? Or has idol life changed him too much.