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I have seen death in so many different forms so many times in my life. I now welcome her with open arms as an old friend. For hers were the last to hold my love’s.

#death #deaththoughts #i think about death too much #late night thoughts #death doesn’t scare me anymore #death is like coming home again #obsessed with death #philosophy of death

LifeDeath&Love

Earlier today, I had a thought. Of how we are born one day – live a life time – then rot Every moment in our individual minds eye seems to go on and on, but really in the grand scheme of things it was barely a second.

A friend told me to come and lend an ear That the history of the universe could fit into a single year. Earths birthday would be the first of January. Life upon this planet however long feeling its to the contrary. It would begin in the middle of October. Dinosaurs would begin and end in December. All of us are the five seconds before the ball drops. To my dear Mother Earth I give you some props. I think about how insignificant everything is and how at one moment it will just go up in fizz. Us humans aren’t capable of understanding, that life really is never ending. We may not always look the same as we do now, but when we die its not our final bow. We continue on in the breeze, We continue on with so much ease. Then that energy again, never has a final plan. Even if this world ends, all our energy is going to be put to the mend. I have always thought I was sensitive of energies. Of others pains and insecurities. That’s a lesson I still will learn. Taking on someone’s energies is something that’s earned. My heart has hoped for much and for most of my journey I’ve lost grasp of my touch. I’ve blocked myself off from possibilities to be loved. because every time prior my soul has been shoved. Then in walks this gorgeous specimen, Came back from afar but originally from Edmonton. They say great friends cant be made in a day -and I don’t want my mouth to get in the way- As in these situation it so often does then when they walk away with no reason but ‘cause’ I’m the one putting myself down and shaming. Sitting down on the floor of my room and shaking. In those moments I hope that I now think back to this one. And how the span of my big problem makes me feel oh so done and how that piece of time would fit on a seashell or a rock and how my existence might as well be written in chalk. If my existence is really so fickle, then without love I’ve gotten myself into quite the pickle. Love it seems is the answer to me. Even the Queen yearns for it though “just a bee” He tends to matters for me before I even ponder it, no lie from my lips my heart BOOM SKIPED bit-by-bit. The night before last we had our first night together. He made no try to get into my pants whatsoever. When I swapped into my pj’s he made sure to deflect all gaze. Is it odd that up until now that’s never been a thing? To never have privacy? to make him feel like some King? Never in my life have I been treated so nicely. over and over again! Like some sort of Wifey. There is something to be said about a man who loves his Mother. The kind of guy who will make sure they get home to not miss things with his Brother. Next time, he said with a playful grin, closing the door behind me I thought, “what a win”. Is this man part of this life’s great mission? to teach me how to turn the key and light the ignition? To make me appreciate the sun and the stars, to deeply puncture all of his scars?

I like to think that when old couples die on the same day, they came in by themselves but left a different way. I like to think they both become part of a leaf, or become one in the coral reef. Not discounting those who leave this realm in different eras, just when its your turn its your honey wiping your mascara.

I really hope that this poem isn’t all made up of science fiction. That maybe some parts of it can become my holy mission. To love with all my heart would be a life well lived. I would love to carry on the feeling I am carrying now deep beneath my ribs.

#poem #poemiwrote #poetry #lifeanddeath #deaththoughts #ithinkimfallinginlove