#decayingbun

[brokendollydreams]

Ah yes I love when my jealousy somehow doesn’t stop even in a dream so now I wake up pissed off as fuck. Woo fucking hoo to me I fucking guess for getting angry over something that’s not gonna happen but at the same time it’s so semi-realistic my brain is telling me it MIGHT happen. Is this all triggered by the fact he’s away and spending time with them? Fucking probably. Even though he’s coming back tonight and I’m gonna get to see him my brain is still somehow going insane. God I hate being like this, I hate being mentally ill. I was trying to distract myself this entire time but if I think about it too hard I wanna rip my hair out. I’m fine, we’re fine, he said so himself I have no fucking reason to get so worked up so why am I??

Dream vent shit I guess cause I need to get it out of me before I loose it:

Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU. If you need to speak to me directly fucking DM me you coward instead of trying to embarrass me in front of him. And no I will not keep my distance from him fuck you!! This shit between you guys has got nothing to do with me keep me out of it bitch!! I will be near him and I’ll love him and comfort him. I will. HE will be looking for comfort in ME. I’M the one he’s gonna go to so get lost.

[brokendollydreams]

Feel like an awful person because of it but hearing even the possibility of them being involved in a thing we were gonna do together actually makes me fucking livid.

Like no this is OUR thing that WE planned fuck right off and don’t even try to insert yourself there.

Actually better yet stay the fuck away all together Andrew is mine!

[brokendollydreams]

“He lied to you, you shouldn’t talk to him”

Like I fucking care??? FUCK RIGHT OFF

Yes I’m aware it’s unhealthy, yes I’m aware he will leave, yes I know in the long run I’ll suffer more.

At this point I find it hard to care

I want to spend the little time I have left feeling loved even for a bit even if it’s a massive lie, at least it will feel real to me.

[brokendollydreams]

Ah yes I love losing my fucking mind over someone who will eventually discard me

This is what I get for being too attached too quickly and loving too intensely

If someone could end me so I don’t have to do it myself that would be great thank you