❝ was this not what you expected? ❞ // jun x shieun EU ESTOU CRIANDO UM TRIPLEX PRA ESSE MLK AGR
was that the best question to ask someone you just had sex with? jun seriously asked himself, which is why his chuckle came a little louder than he intended. the last thing he wanted now was to make shieun feel awkward or insecure about what he might say or do. still, over his experience with sleeping with people he had never been with someone as straightforward and possibly so cute as her. the room was barely lit now, his nightstand was the only thing that bore some light with the lamp on but it was dim. as he shifted to his side to look at her, he could see clearly where her mind began to race that question out of her mouth. he had an urge to lift his fingers up her cheek and rest his head on her shoulders, the intimacy of the act kind of stopped with from doing so and he choose to just smile and stroke her cheek pretending to catch a lock of hair out of place. "what makes you think so?" he truly wanted to know now. because despite his chill and shy personality, he thought he moaned and commanded her times enough to express his pleasure quite vividly.
being familiar with having sex with different people took longer than what jun would have expected, he wasn't so keen on the idea of having multiple partners at first and wondered why his friends do it so often. but at some point in time, after their group was settled making more success than they could ever keep up with, he suddenly had a need to release something off himself. it all began very drastically, his personality opened up and he was more confident, more extrovert and all the same, he enjoyed flirting, drinking, and just having fun with people. it was all new and exciting, sometimes a way for him to feel it and sometimes just because life seemed to demand him to mess around. c'mon, mess a round a little bit. he wanted to and he finally could, so as long as there was no harm done he was okay with making out with random people he felt attracted to. his first time wasn't anything out of the ordinary and things escalated pretty quickly after that, jun wasn't close to being the new casanova but things weren't uneventful for him.
strangely enough, though, it wasn't all that. he knew it was mostly meaningless and just him enjoying his youth to its fullest, but it wasn't fulfilling like music and dance were to him. it wasn't like he was trying to search for something more. love wasn't even a word on his mind. from a very young age, he knew his parents loved each other even though they never acted that way, but they couldn't love him all the same and so he wasn't sure why love was such a big deal. after all, if you're just about to love something why not life? or yourself? it isn't what you do in actions that truly matter? what does your heart have to do with anything other than beating and making sure you survive? jun is mature and smart to know that's probably out of trauma, but he also doesn't care to elaborate. he will work on it in therapy, god knows he spent quite some money on it and he actually finds it relaxing to have someone to talk about these kind of stuff. he might not be the most open person in the world, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings to sort it out.
and shieun awakes some feelings in him, some of those messed up lovey things he swore to his therapist that he doesn't care about. it's the way she makes him laugh without trying, how stunning she looks and how she takes the words out of his mouth before he even has time to think them. it's out of ordinary, out of place, makes him feel livid and sometimes even nervous. that makes him want to spend more time with her, see her more, make her smile, make her feel just as she does him. "i'm sorry if i haven't say this yet..." he starts off, trying to clear his voice from it's rough tone of being used only to hum and moan a while ago. he must not think of the fact that he is still naked, laying by her side, although that in fact helps him to say what he does. it's like every layer is off, and there is only him, jun finally admitting that he does indeed care to love and to be loved. "but you're way more than what i ever expected." he hopes that his words fills his lack of being more affectionate, he will try though for the sake of keeping something so good and worth fighting for. "i like you, shieun." and he feels like a little boy saying that, so he hides his face on the crook of her neck and try to memorize her subtle laugh and the way her body cozy up next to him. it's nice, he might like her even more now.