your emotions as a fan are not usual.
As a fan, you know the artists so intimately, you know their thoughts and hopes, you think. Then, you create expectations for those people, forming super-egos out of them and conflate their place to something legendary and epic. However, when fans interact with the artist, the artist does not see individuals like them, but as a crashing wave. The artist knows that you are nothing special, but the artist knows that you think they are special, except the artist doesn’t feel as special as the fans think they are. There is an appreciation gap and it can be frustrating for the artist. They themselves become mad because they do not feel like they are achieving all that they need to be to justify the fans’ adoration. This will be a more common problem as more micro-celebrities groomed by the Internet become wedged into ever-smaller spheres of fandom
you feel slightly embarrassed.
One time you were trying to get back into tennis and joined a friendly league and played someone who beat you badly and then after the match you asked if he wanted to hit around some more and he said no and then you packed up your things and watched him go hit with some other people. That’s how you feel
//
from a novel-in-progress by josh spilker
