#decrepit body problems

[18kgold]

Just picked up my blood test results, and of course my cholesterol (LDL, non-HDL, and triglycerides) is still out of control, which is fucking annoying. But that’s the first page, and frankly nothing unexpected. But the second page... Oh, oh, my thyroid antibodies are fucking nuts!!! Am I gonna die?? 

Well, hopefully I just pinged for Hashimoto’s again, and hopefully I won’t have to do anything about it.* But the same page has two further aberrations, albeit slight -- high red blood cell count (which I don’t recall having had before, but I’ll look at my records later) and low MCH (standard for me) -- so it looks nasty in the skimming.

Tbh, I’d find it slightly easier to be terminally ill than to deal with everything, but I’ll have to call my doc tomorrow.

*I have always had pings for both hypo- and hyperthyroidism, because I inherited e v e r y disorder from all branches of the family. This phenomenon is also likely why I’ve got epilepsy (never seen before in the fam, but migraines on one side and intense sensory sensitivity, especially photosensitivity, on the other) and congenital hearing loss (a different manifestation of which a group of my second cousins 1r have.)

[18kgold]

Off-schedule bleeding was unwanted but not shocking last month, when I missed a month of birth control. It is however NOT OKAY when I am 16 days into my current month of the pill??? Wtf, body?? Also, fuck everyone for the situation in which I missed a month, that really shouldn’t have happened, and clearly I don’t just get back on track anymore if it happens (other times I’ve missed a month I stayed on schedule even when I was off the pill!).

Ugh, fucking bodies. Aging bodies, and drugs. If there was a chance I was menopausal this might lead me to reevaluate hormones, but it’s not likely for about another decade. 

[18kgold]

Grocery and laundry must happen today, but I am quite fatigued (I slept poorly, and the night before wasn’t good either) -- I feel basically okay when lying down for a bit, but my head gets swimmy when I change positions. Plus, my tummy isn’t being cooperative. 

Ugh. 

[18kgold]

I need to bang my head against the wall, it’s fritzing somehow. I can’t seem to fall asleep -- I just attempted a nap with no luck, I couldn’t fall asleep during Morning Nap, and I woke up ridiculously early -- so I feel completely rattled. And food is a constant problem. UGH. Why can’t I be shut down and restarted?

[18kgold]

I’m trying to get back in the habit of yoga and stretching -- basically had to stop near-completely when my shoulder was frozen -- but I just did some stuff to stretch out my spine and got reflux :/ Come on, body! Not helpful!

[18kgold]

I need to 18K-proof my kitchen, ‘cause I can never follow my own rule of No Knives*/No Fire on Less than Six Hours’ Sleep. I took off about 2/5 of a fingernail while peeling a lemon; it *hurts* and is gonna take a month minimum to grow back. Stretching my finger in any way (bending, extending, etc.) hurts. 

I was just trying to do something that wouldn’t make my headache worse during a bout of insomnia! Third day in a row I’ve woken up with incipient Exploding Left Eyeball... I’d already (re)packaged a present, done a bit of yoga, and fiddled with plants; low-key food prep was the next logical step in my mind. And why the fuck did I wake up after four hours anyway? I take too many sleep meds for this shit!!! UGH, it sucks to be me.

(*and other sharp things)

[18kgold]

Once again I am devoid of energy, and once again it’s likely partly because I can’t get myself to eat anything, really. I keep going to the grocery and leaving without much food. There’s nothing I want that I can eat. 

[18kgold]

Grr, my body’s not up with me today. It’s not that I feel sluggish per se, but any time I try to do anything physically involved, I can’t. This sucks, ‘cause I have rather a lot of errands and chores to do before my second shot next week (assuming I’ll be at least a bit sick again), and it’s supposed to rain the next three days. I haaaaaaaaaaaaate trying to do laundry in the rain! And I’m going to end up needing my groceries delivered ‘cause I’m not going often enough to break up the amount that needs to be carried on any given trip. 

It’s extra frustrating ‘cause I’ve had several days this week where I thought I could get more done, but my energy just petered out quickly. Like, Tuesday I was quite decently functional in bits and pieces at various points in the afternoon, but it never built up to enough to do laundry; yesterday, I had a massage and hit the pharmacy on the way home, but then about halfway up the block from the pharmacy stalled out enough that I needed to skip the grocery (only an extra block back-and-forth). Today I slept a lot (Morning Nap went poorly yesterday, so this was good), so I keep being like, I’ll clean this! I’ll cook this! Soon I should have enough energy to put on clothes! But no, I just end up staggering back to bed.

Ugh. I feel so weak being unable to do my little barbells. I can do a lot more yoga as of last month, but I don’t do the more exercise-y stuff, and the things that are somewhat strengthening are still mostly off-limits.