#degheneratesolo

[degheneratedsoul]

Death Claims My Soul

I lay as I often did in the vast bed housed in my apartment staring at the ceiling with a wish as always, that the ability of time travel were available. I had become once more, the newly turned creature with a body that although strong, was impossible to control; fear gripped me even now with its icy fingers restraining me with no intent of freedom.

Over and over, I would relive the nightmares of my past feeling the cold sweat run down my body leaving me shivering and cowering against the ornate iron headboard I had taken from my late parents bed and built my own bed around. Faces, ones lacking in either color or humanity in their every look and every movement they made; these creatures were Lessers and their desire to tear apart families, to desecrate all that was held dear to those of the Old Country and the New. Their hands had slid over the skin of my Mother, had driven her further into the house she loved till she had burnt and the three had stood there watching her as if she were a ghoulish effigy to be used to warm their cold heartless carcasses. Throwing off the saturated sheet from my body, I crawled off the mattress and curled up on the warm floor, only fleetingly thankful for the heating that ran below the smooth wood before my mind refused once more to force the darkness back from behind my closed eyes.

Screams, over and over building in the ferocity of their volume and power as faces changed from my Mahmen to the girl whose eyes were as blue as a summer sky to the many faces of those I had tried to save from either themselves or those who owned them. Whores, dealers, runners, good women and bad. Each and everyone of them screaming out my name leaving me rocking back and forth against the once comfortable and warm place I welcomed as if lovers arms for my weary body.

They came at me from the corners of the room.

So many dark shadows rising up to stand and face me, their macabre features etched with pain and each and every wound that had been inflicted on them; thanks to my inability to be a decent male, a strong male who was worthy of the love I had received from my Mahmen and the respect my Father had bestowed on me, was visible… So many marks.. So many reminders that I was a fool to believe that I could find redemption by merely killing the Lessers that haunted the streets of Caldwell during the day whilst we slept and on every block at night when we tried simply to live as others did. Fingers, marked forever with ink to hide their scars slid through my damp hair tugging it back from my face in a fury to try and see, trying to force away the torment of my mind by inflicting me with pain of a more physical manner. I tried to hide, to cast the rebarbative creatures that touched me with their clammy cadaverous hands trying to take me with them, or to be restored to this realm from where they had come. A life for a life, a soul brought from the darkness into the light. I had no idea other than I was losing my mind over and over with no way of escaping from this torment that caught a hold of me day after day. Here I was, broken mentally by this horror when I could be sleeping or at least would be held captive in my home as the sun warmed the city and awakened even the dankest  of corners.

“Go back to where you came, please leave me.. Mahmen please you aren’t here, you are within the comfort of the Fade. Do not torment your son so, for my mind is breaking and I am no longer as I should be due to this darkness that consumes my very being. I cannot be the male you raised me to be, I cannot when touch me, when you do not settle in the sanctuary our beloved Virgin created for those whose life on this accursed Earth is worthy of the beauty I believe is to be found in the Fade.

Leave me be! I cannot cope with seeing my failings cast before me, give me mercy I beg of thee in the name of the blessed and devout Virgin herself.”

I have to escape. I need to find myself free from the confinement of the room that once was my refuge. I cannot step foot outside the building as I will burn but I need to escape the room and those dark creatures. I throw myself forward to the floor, I cannot help but drag myself across polished wooden planks towards the one way I could find freedom. I didn’t trust my body anymore than I trusted my mind - for lies and trickery lingered in the visions that clouded my every sense, no one could be here… I was alone, always alone.

A child raised surrounded by luxury with the love from parents who had been brought together at the insistence of their families.. I had seen too much war, witnessed the death and the pain of loss from those who mattered and were believe solely to be worthy of the title of Worthy Male. The female who called out to me as I tried in vain to open my door resembled my Mahmen, with her bleeding lips and skin that was burnt, peeling and vulgar in color.

She screamed at me to not forsake her, to not forget who I am and what she meant to me.

How could I forsake my Mahmen.

How could I forget the female who had risked her life to bring me into this dark and cold world that I tried so hard to save every night from the demons. I couldn’t take my eyes from her, couldn’t escape that vapid look that lay in what were once warm and loving eyes - she was a stranger, a phantom rather than the female I had knelt before and offered my own life for hers to be returned from whence it was taken. She held firm to my Father, to the man whose face I now only barely recognised from memory, the horrors of life having taken him from me too soon.

“Stop. Virgin please stop your excruciation of my soul, let me be returned to the quiet I need. Do not test my beliefs now, nor make me feel empty and more alone as I do now. Love me for who I am for I am a good male, one who does what he must and he can.”

Throwing my head against the door with force, I felt a moment of peace, or serenity as I kept on hitting it back, harder and harder as the room span and my screams went unheard nor my pleas be placated.. Death it seemed wanted me to break and I had no strength to deny their attacks on my mind nor could I find any escape - the Scribe Virgin had denied me mercy as darkness pulled me down.

I was a mad man, a fractured being lost to the screams that failed to frighten the hauntings of my home.

[degheneratedsoul]

Shattered Fragments.

At the age of twenty five I believed myself to be untouchable, I was the sole surviving young of my Mahmen and Father, raised as if born with a silver spoon within my mouth, I was arrogant and without thought for anyone other than those who mattered to me. My family and my best friend Mhaul son of Choler a man who had served at the court of the King's Father – named Wrath Father of the current King of our species King Wrath II. The prestige of being one of the Glymera was something I was aware of, from the clothing I wore that was a who's who of designers, to the cars and bikes that filled the second large double garage space my Father had insisted on being built onto the house sometime in the eighties when Father's obsession with Cadillacs had really taken off and he'd started collecting cars he had driven in the fifties and loved. Dolhor was a male who loved his toys, loved the evolution of technology and we had shared many a night together fiddling under the hood of a Caddy restoring it to its original perfect gleaming mix of chrome and vibrant color. September 10th 2002 was like any other day for our family, Mahmen was throwing a dinner for Mhaul's family and was working in the kitchen with the doggen to ensure as all her soirees were? That it would be a success. Mahmen was joyous that both my transition as well as my best friend's had been successful and not taken the treasured young away from the two families. As was our way, Mhaul, my Father and I would on the broken down vehicle that had been delivered to the house at some point in the previous week. My Father would purchase cars and vintage bikes via the internet as it ensured no questions would be asked of us as to why we couldn't collect the car during the hours of sunlight. Those questions were always annoying and left us despising the rules of mortals around us and with the evolution of the internet? My Father had never been so happy at being able to pursue his love or restoration safe in the knowledge that no one in the home could be endangered, security was an obsession to him, and to protect his family and the loyal doggen? Father would do everything necessary. Only he would sign for such deliveries, not trusting the people to be linked to the corrupt of Caldwell, he was the senior member of the household, his word was law and that was the way it was. How utterly horrified he would be now at my disinterest in what the Glymera thought and did. The house was filled with joy, and hope. I could hear the strains of the New York Philharmonic playing Johann Sebastian Bach from the speakers located in all the rooms, laughing as my Father groaned at the sound of the music echoing around his place of solitude. Like my Father, I loved the sounds of classic rock and roll as well as music of the time, but Mahmen loved classical music as well as the opera and what Mahmen chose? We would endure in silence because my Mother was happy and that to us both, was a wonderful sight to see. A perfect evening was destined to head into a perfect night for us all. Stripping the engine from a 1951 Cadillac Series 62 was damn hard work but it had to be done to rebuild the convertible back to its pristine condition, the work was dirty and having the post-transition strength was a damn Godsend for me. Six months before, I wouldn't have been able to do any of this work, my job had been to watch and learn and occasionally pass my Father a tool. Now, it was a thing we truly shared and especially here, my behavior to the Chosen I had fed from on the night of my transition was forgotten between my Father and I. I could live and not have a weight on my shoulders... Humming along the music, I slid once more under the car and began to work on the stripping down the corroded metal, Mhaul and my Father had gone to the main garage to get more of the tea chests we stored the parts of the car in for safe keeping. It was then, that I noticed that the record my Mahmen had been playing was stuck, the same few notes playing and replaying as the needle scratched across the surface of the vinyl. Pushing myself out from under the car, I called out for Mahmen, telling her that the record was stuck – something that she would find infuriating as she loved her music to be played on the old vinyl records and not compact discs. No. she insisted the sound was as close as one could get to standing before the orchestra as they played the piece of music for the first time. I found myself walking the somewhat long path towards the main house where Mahmen and the doggen were working tirelessly on the celebratory meal. Calling out for Mahmen, and for Sebastian the delightful doggen Mahmen trusted with such celebrations – but no one answered. It was the strangest of things, when entering the house I had the sensation of being truly alone which given the fact the family employed perhaps twenty doggen in total. My Father being sentimental to the family of doggen we employed and had given them all positions despite my parents truly not necessarily needing so many people to assist in the running of the household. Yet, as I walked into the conservatory there was no sign of movement. Fear gripped its hold on my heart and left me cold even as my dirt covered boots walked dirt over the highly polished parquet flooring which would no doubt get me a hug from Sebastian as he sent in doggen to polish the floor by hand for hours at a time. Part of me knew I should call for Father, and for Mhaul to come with me but I couldn't stop to wait for them to come and join me. Silence in our home never occurred, there was always some level of noise even during the hours of sunlight when we slept safely behind the steel shutters that kept us from harm. So this truly was an anomaly to me – something was truly wrong and I had to find my Mahmen. “Mahmen? Please stop playing games with me, this isn't funny now? I love you dearest Mahmen and this isn't fair now, and you're ruining the record I bought you when I was ten. Come out now, and tell the doggen too. Master Deghenerate isn't amused by them.” My voice wavered as I spoke, I could hear it clearly and I could imagine the scolding I would get from my tutor about the importance of having a controlling tone if I wished to be a member of the Council one day like Father. Breathing in deeply, I smelled the sweet scent of blood and reached slowly for a Victorian poker that stood by the dining room fire place. Tightening my hold on the top of the wrought iron bar, I side stepped a knocked down chair and stood quietly at the doorway, a feeling of utter nausea sweeping through me at the sight of the ornate dining room. Lying across the table was Sebastian, his eyes were open and focused on the doorway I was standing in, a carving knife held within his hand slick with black oil. Screaming for my Father and Mhaul, I made my way into the dining room, my boots slipping on the crimson pool of blood that had seeped from the broken body of the man who had been a part of my life since my first breath. Sebastian hadn't been a servant to me, he had been family and someone had killed him. Someone who was in this house. “Father! Mhaul, for the love of our blessed Scribe Virgin, please come here I need you! Please! Mahmen where are you? Mahmen answer me now, it's your son, it's Ghenny.” Concentrating on not looking at the pool of crimson blood soaking into the carpet I stepped forward, my fingers catching the polished oak table that had been laid out with the family silver wear that Mahmen had been given from her parents when she had married my Father. Sebastian's arm had knocked away a full setting to the floor and that would upset Mahmen... such a bizarre thought to have but my mind was a whirlwind of confusion and horror at what I was seeing. Stepping towards Father's chair at the head of the table, I tripped over something and fell forwards,towards the floor, landing on the body of Mahmen's personal maid and confidante, Eloise. I couldn't scream though I desperately wanted too, nothing came out from my lungs that had suddenly become crushed... Silence. Nothing but silence and the sound of the needle caught on Mahmen's record. Where was my Father, where was my Mahmen? Dragging myself up, I tried not to throw up at the sight of the state of Eloise from the assault to her body. She had multiple stab wounds to her torso, but that hadn't been what had killed the loyal and sweet doggen, no I saw exactly what had happened to her as I stood up, my hand covering my mouth to try and stop my wretches. Eloise like Sebastian had had her throat cut by the unknown predators in our home. Unknown by name, but I knew exactly who was in my home. Lessers. The sadistic killers of our kind had broached the security on our home and gained entrance to the sanctuary we had made here for ourselves; somewhere within the beautiful home I believed the pallid haired bastards had my Mahmen and I would find them and kill them all. I would make my Father proud and save her, I had too... For the family and for the fact my Mahmen was the sweetest female in the world and had given me life even when her own had been endangered on the birthing bed. The trail of blood went from the formal dining room out to the main entrance, the ornate centerpiece of my family home, and as I walked I became aware of the smell of baby powder – it was as if someone had burst a bottle of the stuff into the air and I had inhaled the thick dust. I knew from hours spent training with my tutor and my personal trainer that my Father had employed, that this was the signature scent of the scum the Omega had as loyal foot soldiers. Step by step, I climbed the stairs towards the first floor where Father had his study and my Mahmen had her art studio... the scent of baby powder now overwhelming me to the point that I couldn't breathe. I had no idea what I was facing but given the sight of Sebastian and Eloise's poor bodies? I was terrified. Where was my Mahmen... “Deghenerate! Run my boy, run away.. Please my son leave now and save yourself!”

[degheneratedsoul]

Solitary Man.

Stepping out into the darkness, I checked my jacket for the third time as the drunken state of my mind dispersed and left me with a clear head for battle.

Two Glock 45 automatics were settled into their holster along with several hunting knifes along my waist, the necessity of life dictated that the weapons were clean, and all serial numbers were removed with the aide of several hours methodically working the metal with a blade and unscrewing the excess plates from any weaponry. Caldwell's finest weren't aware of our existence  but getting caught out with guns by a cop with a rare need to get the job done wasn't high on my agenda so I ensured that nothing could be traced to me if dropped.. Thank fuck so far, I had been safe from being caught out by them and long may it continue given how I knew what this night would bring about at my hands – the sending of several Lessers to their Omega ideally with their body parts littered throughout the area where I found them.

Closing my eyes to will a sense of calm over my body and mind to allow me to concentrate on what was to come, to remove the feeling of grief over Mhaul from my mind so that I could find the strength I needed for the revenge I had burning in my veins to be acted out. They had taken someone from me, I was going to take as many as possible from the bastard whose essence had taken the blood, the humanity from these broken souls.

“We do this together D, for the people who can't, for the poor who believe they are nothing, and the Glymera who are too blinded by their rose tinted glasses they were to not see that ivory walls and towers they hide behind to not see what is happening.

Side by side brother... side by side..”

Mhaul's words stayed in my mind at that moment as I moved slowly through the semi-darkness of the first few hours of nightfall and breathed in slowly, searching for that unmissable sickly sweet scent of baby powder that clung to the air.

Somewhere.. somewhere they were there and I needed to find them.

Walking along 10th Street heading to the junction of Logan and Elm Street, I heard fighting – an argument that was definitely escalating amongst a group of men, maybe six judging by the different voices and that made me curious. The area was a quiet one yes, but normally there wasn't much trouble for anyone around here with drug deals going wrong etcetera, but it would at least motivate me to move on after I had heard rumours that Lessers were spreading their barbaric actions into drug deals to gain the money the bastards needed for weapons to bring the vampire population down in Caldwell and across the United States if the reports Mhaul had received from like minded men were accurate. If so...

Laughing to myself at the insanity of my actions perhaps? I stepped into Elm and inhaled deeply and then it hit, that acrid scent of a Lesser was filling my nasal passages and making me feel as if I were choking on their stench. Fingers slid below the thick leather of my jacket and tugged out a single gun, flicking off the safety and pulled out a single dagger. I had my strength, a weapon that could with a round of bullets at least keep some of the albino fuckers from taking me down and handing my broken self to the Omega as it appeared the Scribe Virgin had abandoned those who believed in her and what she could bless us with. Advancing on the squabbling fools, I kept myself to the shadows, wanting to see for myself what had caused the upset within the small group; admittedly I could well imagine what it would be – there was no trust, no loyalty among them. What was the saying from Henry IV? 'No honour among thieves'?

Well that summed up the Lessers perfectly because they were driven by only one thing – to keep the Omega happy from what I could tell.

“You took the crystal and cut a deal, you realise what will happen when we have to return and we're missing over twenty five thousand dollars? He's going to demand all our heads because you got fucking caught out by a loose mouth and even looser fingers? I should kill you for this you dick!”

There were protestations of innocence and pleas for mercy that wouldn't easily come either by their comrades or myself. But I could take advantage of this situation and have them take out one of their own, saving me the trouble and bullets on one of them. The scent of baby powder was so strong in the air along with the sickly scent of their blood, clearly the fear of what their latest leader would do to them had made the weak turn on the weaker within their small group. It was all too easy, and as I stepped out from the shadows, I got to witness the full extent of their brutality and it shocked me. One of the Lessers, his eyes now glassy and creamy stared into the face of his victim and although they appeared to be of the same age? It was clear at how much older the attacker was over the creature on his knees, the Lesser had lost all colour in his hair, eyes and skin. Age meant experience and also meant that he had pleased the Omega when others had failed in their attempt to be loyal soldiers to their twisted mentor. Age also meant that he would be more than capable of fighting me, but unlike him? I had a reason to keep going, to fight on when all things seemed at a loss and he didn't know that, nor would he.

Tugging my hood over my hair, I hid my face from the eyes of the unfortunate few and advanced into the light of the broken street lamps enjoying the momentary looks of horror in their faces as they saw the fangs and no doubt took in the height of me, at nearly seven foot, I knew I was imposing to some and it appeared, thankfully? To them I appeared to be not only a threat, but a challenge, I was a lone vampire amongst the killers of my kind and they wanted my blood to be spilt on the streets of my home, not their own.

They had no idea what they had let themselves in for, I would rip them apart.

I would die knowing that they would be returned to the Omega and be nothing but tormented souls screaming for mercy for eternity.

Firing off a round of bullets, I saw two bodies fall down writhing in the slick mess of their insides and yet, as I had witnessed before, the bodies although torn apart with bullet wounds would not die as a human or even myself would do. I had to get closer to them and sheath my blade within the hearts of the merciless bastards and return them to their Father. The element of surprise was denied to me now, and quite frankly I cared not – I had made my peace with my choices and would lie in the dirt with them before sunrise. Scanning the surrounding area for signs of life as I tossed the cartridge to the floor and reloaded my weapon, I counted the remaining Lessers – three, two who seemed confused and unsettled, clearly they were new recruits to this 'organisation' and hadn't witnessed some of the Hell the other creature had seen, or I for that matter. One stood shaking, and I was convinced as I stood close enough to be drowned in the scent their bodies gave off, I realised that if he had been still able to? He would have pissed his pants in fear and that amused me no end.

Right up until the moment I got hit from behind with what felt like a metal pipe and I fell forward, my body becoming unsteady in its gait and my vision blurring making the three men become five.. no six threats to my existence. Staggering forward into them, I fired off my Glock hearing the groans of pain of the men before me, hoping that they would at least fall backwards from me and give me a moment to get clarity. I wasn't going to give to this, to feel my body break and be defeated by the Lessers so soon. Running a parched tongue across my torn lower lip, I tasted the bitter iron of blood as I swiped it off the flesh that had been ripped open by my eye teeth when I had fallen into the wall. I had to steady myself and get my head back in the game before...

“Fucking Hell!”

Yelling out in surprise and pain, I grunted as the air left my lungs and felt the burn through my organs from the bullets finding their home within the torn holes of flesh, I was in trouble, I knew it from the sheer amount of blood pouring down my torso seeping into the worn denim and now destroyed Armani shirt Mhaul had bought me. I had to dig deep and find something within me, inner strength unlike I had ever experienced was needed, I thought of Mhaul, of the Chosen who had blessed me with her blood and body and thought of my parents, of the despair that my Father must have felt when Mahmen had gone into the fade at these creatures hands. I had so much anger, so much vengeance that needed to returned to these bastards of Hell for want of a term for a place for such dark beings, and that motivated me to stand tall to fight harder for my life even though I had given up on living again. Conflicted, I ignored the cat calls of the monsters and weaved unsteadily on my feet into the three, driving my knife home into the torso of the bodies, twisting the blade through muscle and flesh to the bone praying to the Scribe Virgin that they were breaking in a way I knew I was.

The air was thick with the stench of our bodily fluids that had stained the asphalt below our boots, and add to it the grunts and swearing of men fighting for survival and it was lucky we were alone. Three on one, the odds were in the favour and I knew it, knew that I would be buried in the cold earth like Mhaul, with no one to mourn me and forgotten to the people I lived near and spoke to nightly as a matter of course.

“I'll keep fighting.. my last breath isn't one to be wasted. Your Omega will make your life Hell and you don't even realise it till now did you?”

The look on each of their faces was something that would stay with me forever, they looked terrified because they knew that I wasn't afraid to die, I looked at it as a means of honouring my best friend.. my brother. Driving my fist into the face of the younger of the Lessers, I smirked as best as I could manage at the sound of breaking bone and cartilage, the warmth of the black goo coating my knuckles had me retching but I would make them hurt, I would make them suffer for their sins to us all. Gripping the butt of my gun, I rained down blows on the fallen man, hearing and feeling bones splinter and give from the ferocity of my assault on his upper body. I had the upper hand for a moment and took advantage to drive the dagger into the chest of the broken body, looking into the eyes of the murderer, I saw utter fear and the realisation that death was here for him.

In the moments of his body popping and becoming nothing but the residue of whatever ran through their veins in the wake of the Omega claiming them as his? There seemed to be silence as the others looked terrified at the ground between us. I thought perhaps I could take them down, and get free, it seemed possible now as both were severely injured and only upright because of the... well magic seemed appropriate really, in their veins. If they had been human, they would certainly have been dead from the bullet wounds and blood loss already.

Trapped between the two I circled as best as I could on broken limbs and bared my fangs in warning. I may not feed from humans, and I certainly wouldn't want to get their poison near me but I wanted to show an element of menace and ferocity even though I hurt all over. The blows of their metal bars against my bruised and battered form had me lowering myself in an attempt to protect myself from a fatal blow, growling menacingly at the pair for the audacious acts, I blinked back droplets of blood that ran across my brow and into my eyes leaving my vision impaired if I wasn't swift enough.

“You're going to be a good one to take back to the Boss, he may even forgive me the loss of the drugs if he gets to torture you instead – may even draw out your death for a few days as he's playing surgeon at the moment with your kind.”

The spit hit my face as the older of the two finished speaking and cleared his mouth on my body, disgust crept across me as I launched myself at him, no longer concentrating on my surroundings nor the predicament I was in.

The butt of my gun smashed into his temple with the maximum amount of strength I could manage, hearing as I did the sound of my arm being wrenched from the socket leaving me with multiple breaks in my arm, leg and rib cage along with the loss of several teeth from the first few blows I had sustained. Using the close proximity to the stinking Lesser I drove my dagger home into his chest cavity and heard his cursing against my ear as he was returned to the Omega.

I should have felt victorious, but I had made a rookie mistake and paid dearly for my success with the scum-bag, a blade stuck out through my chest, I felt the floor below me become akin to standing on a shaking bridge. I had to try to fight, to at least send him away from me so I could get the blade free. Nothing seemed to work though, my hands were shaking and my whole body had lost any feeling instead become a vessel of a dying man. Whispering Mhaul's name, I tried to steady my hand and shoot the Lesser in the chest or skull but I couldn't do it, the adrenaline had hit me only to seep out with the blood I was losing en-mass to the asphalt.

“For.. for him.. For Mha..”

Resorting to hitting out with the gun I staggered unsteadily backwards falling to the floor, my exhausted and broken body welcoming the ground like the softest of beds, death was coming soon and no one could help me, not even the man watching from the shadows. I couldn't blame him, seeing someone be so forcefully attacked and staying back but how I longed for the unknown voyeur to be Mhaul.. or someone, anyone to care enough to keep me from my grave.

[degheneratedsoul]

Solitary Man.

I barely recalled anything about what occurred in the wake of the death of my best friend. I couldn't even begin to think of feeding, drinking or well? Anything at all. Life without Mhaul didn't have the same meaning as it had in the hours after I had taken the last breaths from the man who I had thought of a brother for so long. Glancing at the calendar, I counted the hours up and tried to think just how long I had sat, unmoving in the corner of my bedroom – it had been over a week since he'd been taken from me and I had lost all focus on everything except one thing.

I would kill the Lessers who had tortured him and left me with another ghost to haunt me in my waking hours and when I tried to sleep.

- - - - -

Mhaul was buried in the cold ground two days after his death at my hand – not the Lessers as they had no doubt wanted but no… my hand and that fact would stay with me. Killing my best friend had set him free from the pain a Lesser would bring, because torment and pain was what those sick fucks loved to inflict on our kind, and yet, if we were both exposed to the humans we walked amongst, they would see the vampires as the true monsters because of superstition and idiots such as the writer of Dracula who insisted we killed the virgins amongst the innocent humans. Superstition would be the ultimate demise of us all if we couldn't contain the Lessers. But when I thought about it, how could I contain my need to destroy and kill the creatures who had blindly killed an innocent and would continue to do so in the blind need to please the Omega?

Wasn’t it enough that he had been their latest victim?

No.

Lessers had to prove a point with their kills and they sickened me more for that than anything else. The apartment we shared was now quiet, as was I. I had tried to move to the bathroom to shower and clean myself of Mhaul's blood but my whole being was one of a broken man and movement was the one thing I couldn't do. I had become caged within the fractured jigsaw that was my body and add to it that the nightmares were starting to creep back in exposing my fragile mind to the memories of my past and the violence that lurked below the surface.

Without Mhaul there to stop them with his gentle words and almost mothering touch when I cried; I couldn't move on - couldn't let go of the idea that the person at my side, the strength when I was weak was gone. I needed my brother back, my family through every shadow that befell me. Mhaul was the strength I had needed and.. and I had killed him. Did that made me as bad as the vapid Lessers surely because I hadn't been able to save him? In my eyes as I sentenced myself to this loneliness and misery I saw myself as being as bad as them because I had allowed grief to make me even weaker than I was before that night.

Yes I could admit to myself that I had cried over my past as if I were still the young privileged fool I'd been once upon a time; I had wept about the way I had treated the girl who had haunted me every second of the day – her innocent and kindness had been something I had abused in my hunger and moments of naïve depravity. How many times in the years gone by had I lost myself to the moments of my transition, to the pain my body endured to become what I now accept as my true form? I had stood awestruck as my Father allowed the dark haired goddess into the room for me to possess as was necessity. I could see her pale gown and her plait of ebony coloured hair that hung across her shoulder but never her face, guilt had denied me the identity of the woman whose blood had run through my veins and given sustenance to my fractured soul and body. This truly would be the eternal penance for my sins in a way that would give me a constant reminder of the male of worth I could be perhaps.

Now as I lay awake shivering in the corner of my room as if a fever had swept through me and claimed a hold of my being. Loss of Mhaul along with the recollections of my past had sent me into a darkness that I doubted even the Scribe Virgin could save me from.

- - - - -

I knew it, solely because.. well because I wanted this darkness, I needed it despite the fact I would drown in the sorrow that was around me. Sorrow had brought me so far in my life and would keep me alive, keep me hunting for whatever it was I didn’t have to bring me peace. I needed revenge in a way I also needed forgiveness from someone; anyone really who understood my actions were that of a foolish young and a broken male.

Pacing the apartment, I tore at my tie pulling the silk tie Mhaul had given me not even a few months ago, away from my neck allowing the feeling of being strangled to stop.

Like a fool, I had taken to following the Caldwell Police via the procured police scanner I had taken six months ago, hearing the chaos the humans caused to themselves in the name of living. Searching.. always searching for them in every call, in every crime committed in this city of sin, debauchery and depravity.. that those unfortunate souls were called too. Lessers were out there in the dark corners that many were afraid to be in, they were the monsters that made people afraid to turn and go into the areas of Caldwell that had been abandoned due to lack of employment or investment due to pay-offs. After all, corruption was rife in a city that didn't feel it mattered to many anymore and that was why the Lessers prospered whilst vampires fell at their feet in droves. Lessers had grown too strong, too arrogant, and they were going to pay for that – many at my hands if I could just find the strength to stand and leave this Godforsaken apartment.

They would pay for the emptiness that made me feel so lost, so cold and void of the fire and desire to be good. Grief had stripped me down to the killer a vampire could and I suppose when necessity called for it, should be, and anger towards the myth that was the Brotherhood had made me determined to continue what Mhaul and I had started together – I would defend those who could not defend themselves and their loved ones, I would honour my friend's memory in the best way I could. By ripping apart the Lessers I came across and would cover the asphalt in their sickly black innards as a warning. The deaths that occurred nightly? This was on the Brotherhood if they were still in existence – Mhaul and I wouldn’t have been fighting the Lessers, we wouldn’t have been forced to feel so afraid in this war where Lessers were always ten steps ahead.

“You promised you wouldn’t leave me alone, that this would be the two of us surviving everything – that when you finally found your girl? You and I would stand together and see you become a committed man.

You left me, I feel your blood on my hands Mhaul, and I keep seeing you man – I need you back I can't do this alone."

Staring out into the twilight, I tried to imagine why the Scribe Virgin would have taken Mhaul away, when there were in truth many vampires even here in Caldwell who were scum. Many who used their superiority over humans to get what they wanted and certainly many were like I had been once. How many of those bastards who inflicted pain on their females and those who hadn’t gone through transition – I’d seen that first hand when I’d been young and painfully weak and drunken bastards had knocked me around. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t fix this now – and there was little point trying too now. Death had escaped me for so long, for nearly five years and I wanted nothing more than to lie down and die, but I couldn’t.. wouldn’t dishonour Mhaul’s memory and the belief he had in me.

Fingers wrapped around the bottle of Grey Goose, a favourite of my room-mate and I, and tipped it back – the ice cold vodka cauterising my throat and the ache I felt when I swallowed, seventy two hours ago, I had been here with Mhaul planning our future, joking about what would happen when he fell in love. Because despite all his denials, I had known he had wanted to find someone to be his home – to take him for who he was and love him completely. I would drink until I passed out, till I couldn’t hear his voice nor see her eyes. Was the girl out there still, had she found her own happiness as much as a woman in her situation could be… Cursing under my breath, fingers slid from the cold glass bottle and tugged my shirt upwards, each tattoo on my chest slowly being revealed to my reflection in the mirror. Skin and ink, skin and ink, skin and..

cream fabric.

Mhaul had known the truth, had kicked my ass so fucking hard for as long as I could remember for being a foolish selfish prick with a girl who had been so afraid, and would at every time I allowed myself to try and move on? Would punch me so hard over and over again, until my vision blurred and there it would be held between his finger and thumb, the torn strip of her dress that I carried everywhere with me, the constant in my mind that I had to not forget what I had done, what I was capable of. I had betrayed the Scribe Virgin's trust in me by hurting one of her Chosen and no amount of violence and pain could stop that from escaping my mind. With a strangled cry, I spun on my heel throwing the bottle at the wall not caring that the alcohol covered the floor and glass splinters cut into my skin at every step I took. Pain would keep me focussed now, both the physical and the psychological, because if I allowed myself one moment of peace – of belief that I could be happy? I would never get the justice for Mhaul and for the girl in my past that both deserved, a justice that only I could find for them now because sadly, I believed that the Chosen whose beautiful face had become lost to me was as lonely as I was. I was torn between hope and despair constantly and despite all the hopes I had that the female whose innocently provocative gown had covered a body that should have been respected more by a foolish boy with a new hunger in his veins.

Staggering, I dragged my socks and a pair of worn military boots onto my feet, I may have been half-cut on vodka as I had been for the last week and some days but I wanted to go out, no, I needed to go out because I wanted to lose myself amongst the filth, the hungry, the thirsty and the needy. I had to forget completely who I was supposed to be – the son of a respected member of the Glymera, a bright future for all who followed rules and had all the intelligence of a newborn child. I had to go and kill those who deserved it and be a good male who honoured the fallen with each blow of my fist into dead bone and lifeless flesh.

I had to go, because being here where Mhaul had died was going to drive me slowly insane. I was a killer, a murderer of my best friend.. I was the scum of the Earth so maybe tonight, I thought through my liquor lined mind, I would die whilst taking as many of the Lessers with me.

Maybe only then, I would be be worthy of the forgiveness I so craved yet never asked for.  

[degheneratedsoul]

Oil and Blood.

My brother of love and trust over the blood in our veins led me down into Caldwell, the night sky becoming a welcoming blanket for the two of us, a moment of peace and solitude. Silence below the stars as the world we lived in, the people we walked among became nothing but white noise behind us both. Yet, instinct kicked in. As I followed Mhaul out into the cool night, I glanced around briefly; checking both left then right and took a breath checking as I did every night for the suffocating scent of baby powder to clog up my nasal passages and choke my sense of smell. I hated the sensations that crept up on me, that made me feel as though I was losing my mind and control – or more to the point, that between the broken concrete slabs, the burnt out skeletons of buildings long forgotten by disheartened owners and under the fragments of steel and corroded iron, I saw the predators of our kind. Even wanting to just live and enjoy our lives came at a price to my sanity before I had even left the comfort of the reinforced sanctuary Mhaul and I had together. There were many areas of Caldwell that were truly run down, turned into derelict areas of the former busy industrial and productive town that I had called home from the first breath of my life, thirty five years of seeing this city change and despite the sorrow I felt at what I saw, I couldn't leave.

Home is where the heart is, and guilt the pathways that always bring you back.

The benefit of finding apartments within the poverty of these areas though were ones that most humans stayed away from - unless they were sleeping homeless in the former warehouses or dealing fuck knows what to those who'd barely enough money for food but always enough for the shit they injected or swallowed. Problem was? Life was so damn miserable for so many both human and vampire alike that I could understand the need to just shut down their brains for a while.. to let the drugs they took by needle or pill take them to somewhere that was warm and comforting, or simply not the bleak grey of Caldwell. After all?Didn’t Mhaul and I do that every night before the shutters went down to signify the sun was coming up -  hadn’t Grey Goose and Glenlivet taken away many a bad memory for me in recent years and allowed sleep to weave its way into my subconscious and take me into a sleep that provided no nightmares of the past. No ghosts of Chosen being cast aside after being the warmth for my changing body years ago? Death itself stayed away with its scythe when the stupor of alcohol numbed us both in the comfort of our beds. Survival even of the mind needed something after all.

- - - - -

ZeroSum’s music pounded from inside the building drawing in many dressed in the almost stereotypical leathers with hair dyed pretty much every colour there was. Punks, rockers, Goths.. humans and vampires alike all came here for the music, the booze and the women who under the watchful eye of ZeroSum’s owner and the bouncers who made me wonder if this was where the Brotherhood hid out. I mean I was no small guy but these guys carried maybe half my weight in muscle again. Glancing at the way they carried themselves, it was apparent that there a single one of them that wasn’t packing one thing or another but I very much doubted that they’d ever needed to draw out their heat – a look alone could make you rethink your dark ideas or the grip you had on one of the Rehv’s girls. With a smile at the stoic bouncers on the door, I stepped inside and watched how the moment Mhaul was inside, he was the sole focal point of a lot of the female clientele. Surprise surprise his school boy smile and model perfect face had caught the attention of women, and probably men if I were honest, and many were shifting in their seats as he walked past, his eyes however, were on the bar and nothing else. My friend, the boy wonder, loved the ladies but he loved his liquor more as did I. Nothing came between him and the glass of Glenlivet he would swallow with a welcoming groan over the heat, not even a honey with a perfect figure eight for a body and a whisper of a promise that she could suck his dick like it was her favourite lollipop.

“Don’t know how you do it man, but seriously you could have anyone you want Mhaul yet you’d rather have an easy fuck than a girl in your bed every day? I mean surely you don’t want to live with me for another half-century?”

Chuckling, I patted Mhaul on the back and drank down the treble shot of Grey Goose, my eyes skirting across the crowded club, noticing once more the table of leather clad giants that sat together. They of course, practically screamed out danger and given their close presence to the office of the Rehv, I could only begin to imagine how much was spent from that table. The VIP section spent hundreds every night and aided the Rehv is his upkeep nicely, but the group whose presence had caught my eye were more than section spent hundreds every night and aided the Rehv is his upkeep nicely, but the group whose presence had caught my eye were more than human, I could sense that myself. Perhaps Mhaul could sense it too as he glanced over my shoulder towards the dimly lit area of the club, past the humans writhing together mimicking fornication or perhaps fucking each other if the security failed to catch them. Whoever they were – they made me wary and yet intrigued but I knew better than to stare at anyone too long and returned my attention to the drink before me. I was agitated, in every manner – my mind was in turmoil, the muscles below my skin shifting and tensing. The adrenaline from not fucking a female and feeding as often as I should and was itching for a fight but I had sworn to Mhaul that I would control the temper that burnt below the surface and not cause a scene here of all places. I had sworn to him, to my brother of trust, honestly and loyalty things far more precious than they blood in our veins, that I would protect both him and I from the dangers of arrogance and fool-hardiness, and thus far, I had maintained the vow even at the darkest of moments of our lives. It was a vow I knew that Mhaul too had honoured and followed through his every thought and decision he made.

“You know how I feel D, I can’t find the peace within me to love someone so why bother?

Loving you as my brother and friend is enough for me these days – we lost too much already and yet, we’re still breathing. I want to keep it that way too Deghenerate. So keep your mind off the subject of me finding the end to a tale neither of us can believe in. I would rather fuck a female of either our kind or human and sate that hunger without any fears of her loving me and grieving at my loss, and then when I'd had enough and you and I had staggered home? Sleep until the hours just after sunrise safe in my bed.”

Mhaul’s laughter was infectious and soon the two of us were precariously balancing on our stools recalling times where we had believed our lives to be carefree, it was funny really? Because in truth, I think perhaps ninety percent were spent in here or a bar similar to it, drinking and talking – Mhaul seducing his latest paramour and me? Well I would do my damnedest to ensure the ladies whose attention was on mine were well cared for but all knew that I wouldn’t fuck them either for free or for the charge of the month. Women were friends, or rather acquaintances that I admired for their tenacity and their strength – but not for what they could do to a man, chastity was going to be the bane of my existence even though I wanted it and accepted it as a willing captive to a promise. I wasn’t that man, not anymore and I had done it to learn from mistakes. Sweet fuck would the ghosts of the past not leave me be? It seemed not because even as I laughed with Mhaul, I felt the foreboding creep over me once more. Happiness was the precursor to sorrow and for days now, I had been happy as had Mhaul – I had loved and lost my family, I had given myself over to darkness and found light and with my best friend had found purpose.

* * * * *

Drunken footsteps echoed around the empty alleyways as Mhaul and I staggered towards home, him with a girl wrapped around his waist like a limpet but I knew her, Charity I think it was – a chick who lived below us in the warehouse apartment building. The three of us were full up on our poison of choice, vodka.. whiskey and tequila and the mood was one of happiness and contentment. We’d drunk, danced and managed not to get in a brawl with regulars who didn’t take well to us keeping ourselves to ourselves – something that had happened a few times in the past and left us looking messed up rather than the smart fuckers we’d been hours before hand. Throwing my arm around Mhaul’s shoulder, I couldn’t take the smile off my face I had been a total dick thinking that something was going to ruin shit for us, Mhaul and I were young, we had already proven that being forsaken by our families by death couldn't stop us from striving on with what may come our way.

I was wrong and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it, we were doing alright, there were no sign of Lessers as we came home, perhaps they had all fucked off into their shadows for a night. ZeroSum had been fun without hassle, because of course the giants that were employed as security ensured there was no trouble in the bar and we could get back to the plans we had to carry on making our small distillery take off. A  small nod to my parents and to Mhaul’s by working through the recipes that had been left in the families for centuries and the doggen in our employment. My family wouldn't have been happy I was working, but they would have been proud of the initiative and the very fact that Mhaul and I did what we did partially to keep the very roof over our very heads, but we had enough, and the rest of our money was invested elsewhere. For when we dispatched each crate of beer and liquor out to its destination and was then sold? We would have a portion of the cost added to the private account we had in Europe accruing thousands of dollars in interest each month. That account wasn’t Mhauls’ nor mine though – we used it to donate money to the families we knew were left without a member due to the Lessers. All needed help whether they were rich and a member of the decreasing Glymera or the many of less wealthy. Sadly the elitism that had condemned so many remained despite the reality that wealth did not provide longevity in life meant that few gave it but my friend and I did and would always endeavour to do so.

Thinking of them, of the Lessers and their desire to destroy all vampires within the city of Caldwell and beyond; the bastards appeared. The sickly sweet smell of baby powder infiltrating my nasal passages had my head snap left then right and there, at the corner of our building were a pack of the soulless servants to the Omega.

Lessers.

Five of them whose attention had come to rest on Mhaul, Charity and I.. my friend guided her to him whispering to the brunette to calm and leave swiftly, and with a blink of an eye, she was gone. One safe vampire gone well away from the fight that was to come – a fight that if I knew the Lessers as well as Mhaul as well as I did? Would lead to bloodshed and I hoped? My friend and I returning to our home safe and in dire need of a shower to clean us of the pestilence of the Supernatural world. Stepping back, I side-glanced Mhaul and watched the small boot daggers reflect off the moonlight, within my own hand, I held firmly to my Father’s hunting knives – recovered from the inside of my jacket and waited the onslaught. Uttering a prayer to the Scribe Virgin and hoped that if the Brotherhood did exist and fuck me about now, I hoped they did? That the elite of our kind – the protectors of civilians such as Mhaul and I would appear.

A dream, a wish… a foolish hope. No one had heard from the Brotherhood in so long that it was as if they were now a fairy tale told to the young to get them to sleep.

Back to back, Mhaul and I watched each one of the pallid, zombie like Lessers come at us. Blades drawn and prayers still uttered? We began to fight, blocking punches, kicking away the lithe bodies of the hunters and together, injured three of the five, their screams becoming poetry to our ears. One of the bastards was nursing a Joker-esque smile, his face carved up from my blade slicing from right to left tearing apart skin and cartilage and the look had me smile briefly. If he survived, he would probably be left by his so called friends because an injured Lesser was of no use to them, especially given the black liquid pouring from his face and pooling at every footstep he staggered across the asphalt. Blood from them, made me laugh internally because it felt so good to make the bastards hurt, to see the repercussions of the blows and slices I made in their flesh. Spinning on my left foot, I left Mhaul to his own fight which given the cry of pain from the Lesser and then stuttered announcement that he would be free? I guessed my friend had the upper hand and that reassured me to move away and attack the arrogant fucker who was tossing blades from hand to hand. Following his movement, my leg rose and swept my boot into his elbow shattering the bones in his left arm, earning me the scream of agonizing pain from his mouth. Advancing on the arrogant fool’s body, I allowed my fangs to show, wanting him to realize that Mhaul and I were death for these bastards and that they were nothing but fodder to the Omega. Gripping hold of his jacket, I slid the blade across his cheek, watching the black goo to spill onto the almost too white skin of his face when I heard it. A sound that left me cold, void of anything but fear and unable to think of anything but what horror I would face when I turned. There was so much blood, the smell of the rich sanguine permeating my senses and forging a permanent memory of this night in my mind. Plunging the dagger home into the chest of the Lesser at my feet, I turned. Each inch of movement making me see more and more of the red pool of blood on the floor, taking in the stained fabric of 501s that hung low on a waist. A waist that had a deep gouge scored into it now and was coated in blood. Slowly allowing my eyes to move up the fallen form, I saw the tear in the shirt I had bought Mhaul on his 37th birthday – the fabric was ruined and there too was another deep cut into his chest.

My best friend was dying and the Lesser was laughing as he thrust the blade of his knife into the chest of Mhaul causing the man who had stood at my side, the one and only person who understood why I did what I did.. to gurgle and choke on their own blood. My brother, my soul and my conscience was bleeding out onto stained asphalt. His precious blood mixing with the filth of humanity and I was prone, terrified and afraid – an emotion I didn’t know too well in recent years having escaped the torture of those who frowned on the Glymera breaking ranks. Mhaul was dying, the man whose kind heart was one that many should admire and the brother by trust and love was going to leave me alone. How could the Scribe Virgin do such a thing? How could she leave someone who had tried to rectify their mistakes in the way I had, alone. I would be lost and the anger I already felt along with the pain I felt at the look in Mhaul’s eyes would drag me back into the darkness – a vow broken due to grief.

I barely recalled anything I did in that brief moment of time, but the stillness stopped and I attacked the Lesser with all I had, fists flew and boots kicked into joints causing them to twist and break. He would hurt and he would scream knowing that he was going to die here and never find the peace that all Lessers seemed to want in their final moments. I couldn’t believe such barren of heart men could find peace after giving up their human lives for this, for lies and promises that few received from the Omega. Slicing my blade into the back of his legs as the Lesser fell over Mhaul I couldn't control the sick smile growing at his screams of pain at his tendons tearing apart like tissue paper. That was one thing about the Lessers, the fuckers could keep going even if every limb had been severed, made the kill interesting but not now. Now, as I kicked him away, death for him wouldn’t come swiftly, I wasn’t willing to be merciful and my mind was on my best friend, and not the bastard who had taken him from me. The lesser could lie there in his black oil knowing that he would endure every moment of pain and not receive any respite because if the things I knew of the Omega were to believed? He took his children back to him whilst inflicting as much mental torture as he could.

Cradling the head of my best friend in my arms, I sat partially falling over myself from injuries and tried to calm Mhaul as he fought off death slowly and clearly in intense pain. Nothing could stop the tears falling in the quiet moments we left now before he would pass into the fade and leave me alone. Trying to clean him as best as I could, the remnants of his shirt were soaked in blood that never seemed to stop coming but Mhaul was one who liked to be impeccable and now as death claimed him, he would continue to do so.

“I’m sorry – so fucking sorry brother, forgive me for turning my back.”

I had turned my back, I had left Mhaul to fight when perhaps he was already injured and that had led to this catastrophe happening.

Had led to another good man being taken away. The Brotherhood must have become a damn myth, must have been killed off because if they existed? People like Mhaul wouldn’t be dying. Letting out a cry of pain, I lifted Mhaul up and held him to me, noting how disorientated he had become, how he clung to me now with a weakening grip as the blood soaked into my shirt causing the fabric to mould to my chest. His breath was laboured as we fell through the apartment door and I lay us both down on his Mhaul’s bed, I was losing him but I wasn’t prepared to have his final breath be taken on the cold floor surrounded by the foul specimens of the Lessers. Each choked whimper he took ate at my soul and marked me forever, this would stay with me along with the memories of my Mahmen’s death and Father’s broken surrender to the Fade.. Good people were taken to the Fade leaving the pain within those who carried on and I would. Yet first I had to do something, I had to keep a vow that Mhaul and I had made on a drunken night after sustaining injuries in a fight with Lessers.

Kissing his brow, I told him to close his eyes and trust me.

And took a knife to my friend’s throat taking his last breath with me and causing my heart to break and become cold as ice.

[degheneratedsoul]

The Beginning.

Thirteen years after my transition and I had become a slave to guilt. The eve of my thirty-fifth birthday and I couldn't shake the past from me once more – it was as always the same? Reliving the hours of my transition and being haunted by an Angel for lack of a better word.

- - - - -

I had believed as did many of our kind that I would always be would be kept in the luxury I had grown accustomed too especially as I was the sole surviving son of Dolhor and my mother, Harmony. Yet life had taught me that the longer I live, the more heartbreak I endure – the colder my heart would become, I had tried repeatedly to put my faith in the Scribe Virgin and to believe that the Brotherhood were still out there protecting the civilians who had to rely on their strength and tenacity to survive.

Now as I sat in my loft apartment in the quieter area of Caldwell, NY, I found myself looking back at my life – at the sorrow in my Father’s eyes when Lessers captured my Mahmen and tortured her, for what we had later learned, was information on the Glymera of whom my family were members of. The elite of the vampire society, trapped with their wealth and the need to follow protocol ad led to a foolish belief that they were safe from the former humans who hunted our kind and took great pleasure in killing us for the bastard Omega. Cursing under my breath at the memory of both parents now together in the Fade, I became chilled to the core as I felt so alone for the first time in nearly a decade.

Perhaps because of life and the very act of surviving night after night, I had lost sight of the Chosen whose blood had given me life itself, no one should forget such a beauty who had such an effect on me as to help me survive the transition in a way she had.

Allowing my head to fall and rest upon the back of the chair, my eyes closed over and there she was, her hair flowing around her face was as dark as the night we lived under, the blueness of her eyes always found in memories of what the sky looked like in the waking hours of the day, a Chosen blessed to give me life due to a direct request from my Father due to his belief I was to be a man of wealth and strength as he had been. Her unique beauty was of one of youth and wonderment, blessing me with a memory in the quiet hours of one who had looked delicate and her ivory features only further added to the almost doll-like way I had perceived her to be although as a Chosen she was as resilient as the strongest beings of our kind.

Regardless with the arrogance of youth and the hunger of one whose life depended on the actions of the next few hours, I had fed and fucked and fed again with the girl my Father had selected for his perfect son to use –  and use her I had – something I had long since hated about myself but my Father had respected the traditions and and that had led to the Chosen being brought to me. My way of viewing the world even at such a young age due to the sheltered existence I had had, had made me too immature to treat a woman with the respect she deserved – bar the bows of necessity that had been whipped into me by my drunken Father. Arrogance of youth and the knowledge she was a Chosen had let me believe that she knew what she was facing – that the girl whose name I had forced from my mind so that the dishonour of my actions would always be a part of me and the Scribe Virgin would punish me as she saw fit - would be happy to save me from the Fade if my transition was denied to go till the end of the line. I had tried to fix my mistakes, taking on a vow of celibacy from the night after of my turning and in the years thereafter, she had been the only one to sate the hunger that sex caused within me. Don’t get me wrong, women both vampire and human had thrown themselves at me in those long years but none had felt anything but the cold gaze of my eyes on their skin. Men too caught my eye at times which was frowned upon by the Glymera and therefore made me feel even more worthless than the guilt I had within me.

No one touched me though, no one kissed me and I felt too much guilt to even be attracted to anyone. I had to clean myself for the way I had fucked her repeatedly without care for her needs and wants and it haunted me.

“For the love of God D, get it together man, go to ZeroSum, Rhev has good women on tap there that will ease this angst shit.”

One eye opened slowly at the intruder to my thoughts words and glared – the jackass I called my best friend, my brother through circumstance I guess, Mhaul, was standing over me smirk in place. We had been friends since we could toddle and the years of foolish antics and traveling had led to us both settling in this apartment together and trying to fight the good fight against Lessers. Thinking of those albino pricks who destroyed innocents night after night, had my eyes close over in an attempt to block their assaults to our kind from my mind. Man those fucks didn’t know when to quit not that it mattered thanks to the bastard who pulled their strings and whose blood oozed through their veins. We would kill as many as we could and yet more would arrive determined to wreak vengeance on vampires who were no threat to the human around them. The Omega knew that had his pick of disheartened humans who had nothing left to live for, and had a passion for the kill, to get his polluted claws into. Our kind were going to be obsolete if this carried on but for Mhaul and for I? It would always be personal – a battle we would not lose even if we were on the losing side, for us every time we killed one, it was for our Mahmens, it was for our Fathers who had fought to protect us all from harm even if my own had loved the bottle more at times. Then for me of course, it was for the Chosen whose sky blue eyes were as haunting as the ghostly touch that seemed to never leave me when I dreamed. She was a constant; a conscience I couldn't shake off even if I wanted too. Her name was stripped from my mind, but the fact she had given me the chance to live was there always, all demons it seemed, had an angel there to guide them and foolishness had taken mine away. I didn't want her, no, I didn't want anyone – but I wanted to make sure her sacrifice was remembered. Everything I did was a penance for the cruelty of youth and naivety of arrogance.

“Seriously Mhaul, how many times have you offered me the chance to fuck someone - male or female and I have declined any opportunity to explore a woman again like – like her. Please my brother, I have told you a thousand times if not more, I won’t touch anyone again like that. Yeah it’s shit at times and fuck knows blue balls is a side effect as you love to announce to me after too many drinks?

But I’m better this way.

You know that as do I now chill, Zero Sum’s a good idea, I can drink and you can taste the merchandise while they declare you’re the best they ever had.”

Laughing, I stood and tossed over a new clearly hand tailored jacket to Mhaul, the clothes horse of a room-mate who with his raven hair and piercing green eyes could sway men and women alike into his way of thinking. I had lost track of how many times I’d walked out of the vast space and walked the streets in the last few hours of the night whilst he took advantage of the willing women who fell for his charms - may the Virgin preserve us all if he managed to find one in her needing because the last thing we needed was Mhaul junior, one was certainly enough for me to handle. Sliding my leather over broad shoulders, automatically brushing my blonde hair from my eyes, I silently prayed to the being that all looked to for guidance in the darkest of hours, our Deity who protected us and whose loyal maidens were beholden to us for their blood if we were permitted such an honour. There once more was the flicker of guilt I had to shake off, because I had to relax for once – Mhaul and I were having one night away from the fighting and the shadows that housed the degradation of Caldwell. The Scribe Virgin had to save us all from such a chaotic set of events especially with our foolish ways of attacking those enemies who with their baby powder stink made the nauseous feelings rise from the pit of my stomach. She had too, for were we not all our children and had tried to honour her in our existences?

The Brotherhood were supposed to protect us, if they still existed, but no one knew.. no one had heard anything of them in centuries. Myths couldn’t protect us, legends didn’t keep us alive when Lessers chased us down and blew up our cars, bars we frequented and occasionally succeeded in bringing our homes down to nothing but ash and rubble. That couldn’t happen to us. I refused to believe it and therefore, it couldn’t, no it wouldn’t, because I had lost too much – my parents, my siblings whose lives had been days or weeks before death claimed them and my Chosen albeit she had never been mine, even when I had been buried within.

All I had now was Mhaul and hope that somehow, I could survive the threats that came daily to our kind.