OKAY SO I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING BRAINWORMS and i was originally gonna post it to ao3 but making all the fucking tags and shit would be too much so im posting it here instead. Take my delta x a//e brainrot
Allies // Enemies by @kuipermoth
Delta AU by meeee
I didn't sign up for this.
Me and Charred Vanilla had been split up for training, as he went with Bright Milk and I went with Umbra Vanilla. It still felt so…weird that we had alternate versions of ourselves still roaming around, but everyone got surprisingly used to it pretty quickly. Even me.
So imagine my surprise that, instead of training, Umbra Vanilla took me to a damn grocery store! A grocery store!
“I need some extra hands to carry all the food back.” Umbra Vanilla stated calmly, taking a look at the grocery list.
“But-” I stared at him in utter disbelief. “I thought we were training?”
“I never said that. I said you would be coming with me.”
Charred Vanilla was probably actually training with Bright Milk, while I was stuck waiting around for an old man to finish doing his chores! I could already feel how insufferable this was going to be.
I felt something small strike against my forehead. It didn't really hurt, but it caused me to blink in surprise and look down at whatever the hell just hit me. It was the wadded up list Umbra Vanilla was holding earlier.
“What the hell was that for?”
“Just testing something. We should hurry up before it gets dark.”
“But wouldn't you need the list-”
Before I could finish speaking, Umbra Vanilla had already started walking towards the aisles without me, cart already in hand. Rude! But I resigned myself to my fate and trudged my feet behind him.
After what felt like forever, the two of us arrived at the first aisle we would visit. Umbra Vanilla picked up a piece of bread, before squinting his eyes. “Hm. I just now realized I forgot to bring my staff. Can't see very well without it.”
You could hear me audibly facepalm from across the store.
“I can still see the labels, but I might drop something occasionally. You'll catch it if that happens, right?”
I so badly wanted to scream no! “Fine, I guess I'll watch out.” I didn't expect much. Just me twiddling my thumbs waiting for this slowpoke to finish up.
What I didn't expect was for the loaf of bread to be launched at my head. It smacked against my face and I only barely managed to catch it before it hit the ground.
“I thought you said you'd watch out.” Umbra Milk smiled that tiny smug grin he'd teased me before with.
“You launched it at my face! How was I supposed to-”
As soon as I blinked, he was gone. Instead I heard his voice far away beside me. “Hmm, prices for food these days are absurd. Oh well.”
Somehow, when I wasn't looking, Umbra Vanilla had reappeared at the other end of the aisle, looking over a box of jellyberries. How?! Had he teleported?! I didn't feel any magic in the air, meaning that he had simply moved very quickly somewhere else.
I gasped as the box dropped from his hands. It felt like time slowed as I dashed over and just barely caught it before it exploded into a red mess on the floor. But I wasn't even allowed to catch my breath before he moved again, this time even farther away. A jar of bear jellies fumbled from his hands, and I knew I couldn't get over there in time by just running. Instead I leaped, crashing against the ground but being able to grab it. My whole body hurt from falling, but before I could even get up, Umbra Vanilla was somewhere else yet again!
Just what the hell was wrong with this cookie?! I hastily threw the items in the cart before running after him.
This continued for hours. At least, that's what it felt like! But I had a routine now. Grab a couple items that Umbra Vanilla had dropped (although I was starting to think that he wasn't actually fumbling them), put them in the cart, and then run back before he dropped something else by “accident.”
Witches, I was more out of shape than I thought… And yet Umbra Vanilla didn't even seem to be tired with all that running around! I really thought he was using some sort of teleportation spell, but I actually managed to take a good look at him while he was moving. Turns out, no, he's just freakishly fast for a 56 year old cookie.
“Hmm, I'm pretty sure Milky likes this brand better…” I'm pretty sure I would electrocute Charred Vanilla until he became fried chicken if he ever dared to call me by that corny of a nickname.
Wait, why was I thinking about him now?! I couldn't snap myself out of my thoughts in time before the glass jar was dropped to the ground. I tried to leap, but didn't jump far enough, colliding face first with the ground and sliding forward a good two or three feet.
I expected to hear glass shattering, and a harsh scolding from Umbra Vanilla, but it never happened. In confusion, I turned my head up to see him standing over me, jar in hand.
“You look tired.” His deadpan voice absolutely infuriated me.
“Oh, you think?!” I yelled, uncaring of my volume at the moment. Anger rose within me, and I had half a mind not to shoot out lightning in a fit of rage! But he didn't even seem phased by my outburst at all!
“We got everything we came for. Thank you for helping me with this.” He offered me a hand to help me off the floor, but I ignored it and shakily got up on my own instead.
My everything hurt like hell, and it was all this old fart's fault!
—
After so long, me and Umbra Vanilla finally got back to the library, only for us to be greeted by no one at all. “The two of them must be heading back now. You can set the groceries down on the table there. I can put them away while you rest.”
He had made me carry literally almost everything while he only held the jar from earlier the whole way! He said something about his arms being weaker nowadays, which I knew was a big fat lie! He's lifted far heavier objects, I've seen it! But he had the nerve to ignore me whenever I pointed that out!
With a sigh, I finally dropped all of the food. My arms felt instantly better, even if extremely sore. And my head was killing me now-
The glass jar from earlier was hurled at my head. I don't know what happened, if my hands moved faster than my brain, or something along those lines…
But I fucking caught it.
Even I was in disbelief. Just earlier I hadn't even been able to catch a small paper ball! I looked at the jar like it was the one that launched itself at me.
“Good. All that training paid off.” I looked up and Umbra Vanilla was already hauling some of the food towards the kitchen.
“So we were training!”
“Yes. I thought I told you that.” He was absolutely trying to get a rise out of me now, I just knew it! But I was way too tired to fight back right now, and I collapsed into a boneless heap on the couch. Finally, some peace and quiet-
“We're back!” Bright Vanilla swung the door open, his grin ever present despite the fact he was soaking wet.
“Milky? What happened to you?”
“Well, me and Charv went out while it was rainin’! You know how it is!” It was only then that Charred Vanilla stepped through the door.
I burst out laughing almost immediately.
I couldn't help it! His hair was flattened down so far it covered his eyes, and his wings were all droopy too. I couldn't see his probably angry scowl, so his frown actually looked quite sad. “You- Pffft! You look like a sopping wet cream cat! Hahahaha!”
“Quit laughing, asshole!” Charred Vanilla yelled, hastily getting his hair out of his eyes. “Like you look any better!”
Well, he was right about that. My hair was sticking out in all sorts of directions, and my clothes were tousled and maybe even slightly torn.
“Easy, both of you. No shouting.” Umbra Vanilla reprimanded, who just finished putting away the food. Somehow, he'd grabbed two towels, handing them to Charred Vanilla and Bright Milk. “Now, dry off. Both of you.”
“Thank you, dear!” Bright Milk managed to steal a kiss from his partner, all while Umbra Vanilla laughed affectionately. It made me want to gag, and judging by Charred Vanilla's expression, he felt the same way.
“Well, I'm turnin’ in for the night! Been hard at work trainin’ Charv!”
“And I as well. You two should head off to sleep soon as well. Good night.”
I buried myself in the couch pillow as I heard the two of them leave, along with the sound of Charred Vanilla moving closer. It wasn't long until it felt like it was raining onto my back.
“Hey! Stop that!” I raised my head up to see him shaking himself dry like a dog, getting all the loose water everywhere. Especially on me!
“Tch, or what?” Charred Vanilla was clearly asking for a fight, but I could only weakly claw at him from my place among the couch cushions. My head pounded against my skull as I did so, and I visibly winced before giving up entirely.
“What's up with you?” Maybe I was imagining it, but it felt like there was a hint of genuine concern in his voice.
“Ughhh, Umbra Vanilla had me running all over the grocery store trying to catch the food that he totally dropped on purpose! My head hurts from all of that…”
Charred Vanilla didn't say anything for a while, and I almost thought he up and left without me noticing. But suddenly, I felt something touch my head. “Get your wet hands out of my hair-!”
My headache was gone. My soreness was gone. The scratches and bruises on my arms from falling were gone. I felt…amazing, actually!
“Uhh, how's that?” Charred Vanilla sounded awkward, retreating his hand slowly.
“It…helped a lot, actually.” I could finally sit up properly without excruciating pain, allowing myself to stretch out a little.
“Woow, and not even a thank you.” He sat down on the couch next to me after I moved my legs out of the way, probably getting it all wet as he dried off his hair. “Ungrateful.”
“You're lucky I'm still too tired to punch you in the face right now! It's probably close to midnight now.”
“Uh huh, suuure.” He snorted that annoying laugh again, but I didn't actually mind it at all right now.
“So, what exactly did you do that made you like…” I gestured to his entire soaking wet body.
“Bright Milk dragged out in the middle of the fucking rain, that's what! All he told me was to try and get a hit on him, but he kept dodging all the damn time so I couldn't! And I was just expected to stand there while he kept hitting me with that big ass staff! And it's not like I could've used my fire, obviously! So I just had to keep healing myself over and over again!”
He sounded genuinely annoyed, frantically drying off his hair and wings in rage. It made me laugh a little, to be honest, seeing him so worked up (even if it should have been me making him angry).
“They're both pretty shitty, huh? Umbra Vanilla made me carry all of the groceries even though my arms felt like they were gonna fall off! He said he “couldn't hold things like he used to” and I know that's a lie because I've seen him carry entire stacks of books before!”
“The two of them lie all the time, actually! And they're so full of themselves too!”
Charred Vanilla and I began to complain about our two doppelgangers well into the night, even though exhaustion was starting to seep into our dough. I was only half lucid when I realized that the two of us were having an actual conversation. No name calling, no insults, just quiet.
It helped too that he was nice to look at. But you didn't hear that from me.
I could barely keep my eyes open anymore. Charred Vanilla was talking about…something, and I couldn't tell if it was about our other selves or something else entirely.
I yawned once, and then promptly fell asleep.
—
Was Typhoon Milk even listening anymore?
I already noticed that his responses were getting shorter and shorter, eventually being reduced to hums of acknowledgement, but I didn't expect the bozo to actually fall asleep on me! He was sprawled flat on the couch, his head resting against the end and barely giving me any room. It was rude, but whatever. I didn't care that much.
All I did was stare at him for a couple seconds. And then a couple seconds more. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, the electricity that usually sparked in his hair reduced to a quiet buzz. He glowed in the darkness of the library, not too bright to be obnoxious, but not too dim to be unnoticeable.
…I was thinking too much into this. I moved to try and get up before my thoughts became unbearable, but his legs were on top of my lap right now. Not only that, but his tail had curled comfortably around my waist. I wasn't getting up without waking him up.
I should have just shoved him off. I don't know why I didn't.
Instead, I stared up at the ceiling, trying to pay attention to anything other than Typhoon Milk. It wasn't really working, because my eyes were drifting back to him every few seconds. Why the hell did he have to look like that…?
Unconsciously, my hand drifted to my waist and brushed against Typhoon Milk's tail. I froze, thinking he'd wake up, but he only barely twitched.
Come to think of it, I've never really touched his tail. Sure, I've yanked on it plenty of times to piss him off while we were fighting, but I hadn't really touched the fluffy end of it. I was curious, sue me! I only faintly traced my hands against the fur, careful not to actually wake him.
When I glanced up just to check he was still asleep, I saw that he was smiling. In his sleep. Just from me touching his tail.
And maybe I smiled too. Just a little.
Exhaustion was creeping up on me too, now that my thoughts weren't a scattered mess. The only thing that mattered to me right now was keeping Typhoon Milk asleep so I could keep petting his tail. It felt so soft, softer than his actual hair. It was all curled up, which made me also realize I've never seen his tail fully straight either.
Oh well. That could wait for another day.
My eyes drifted shut, my hand simply resting on his fur now. It was probably way past midnight now.
It was worth it.
