Musings on My Personal Insecurity, a Common Challenge in Poly
Do you ever feel awful for feeling jealous or insecure about something that’s likely not anything to worry about?
I’m remembering the comment from my partner upon talking about a female friend of his: “my favorite burlesque dancer”
And it still makes me feel tight in the throat, mildly fearful-ish ache in my stomach and a little ache in my chest.
A little, but persistent.
Partially because I’m creatively backed-up and now trying to tackle three creative fronts: writing, dancing and re-learning to play an instrument and trying to choose a completely different instrument to play that might be easier on my health.
I also struggle with feeling like I’m not my partners particularly favorite anything. And I’m his primary, so that’s FUCKED right?
I wonder what’s wrong with me.
(Love, if you’re reading this, no, I’m not trying to seek attention or anything, just working things out in my head, though talking with you through this at an appropriate time would be welcome)
I’m also realizing that some of my feelings are because I want to be a more skilled dancer (and learn burlesque) in a few different styles, I want to showcase my talents, I’d like recognition and frankly...okay, I’d like to be that beautiful.
I am beautiful...but I’m not Sex-Walking. I’m girl-next-door and have a dirty mind...
I want to stop comparing myself to others.
I want to be appreciated.
And it’s not like I’m not...?
I’m floundering. It’s been a looooobg day and I’m tired. I want to be/express myself in so many ways.
And I want to be wanted. For me.
