*Authors Note*: I got the idea for this fic while listening to “Dark Side” by Kelly Clarkson so that song was a deep influence. This is a very rough one-shot but while writing I thought about how I could expand on this, making it into a multi-chapter and most likely, possibly crossover Glee and Supernatural. Please review and tell me if this would be an interesting idea to read a whole fic on. Thank you so much!
Also available here on fanfiction.net
Broken Diamond
“Rachel why can’t you just tell me what’s going on?” Blaine Anderson asked, reaching out to her, but she pulled away to sit on the couch of her living room. “Are you sick? Is it a side-effect of something?”
“I can’t tell you,” Rachel bit her lip, wanting to reach back to him but knowing that touching him at such a high level of emotions could trigger her secret.
“Why not?” Blaine sounded agitated now. “We’ve been dating for months and I ignored it for a little bit once it started up but I can’t anymore Rachel. Something is wrong, and in the past couple weeks I’ve been beginning to notice it. You avoid physical contact, your anger management has gotten worse, and you keep wearing sunglasses. It’s weird Rachel and I’m sorry if that’s insulting, but if you just trusted me enough, we could work this out.”
“I like wearing sunglasses…” Rachel’s voice was unusually small and Blaine had taken noticed. “You know that’s not the point,” He stepped toward her.
Rachel looked up at Blaine, meeting eye-to-eye for the first time in months. Hers were tearing up but that wasn’t the reason she cursed herself for not wearing her stylish aviators. “I-I know but I can’t Blaine. I physically can not and it would be impossible to work through. It’s just so much better if you continue to ignore it until I fix it, then everything will be fine, I promise.”
Blaine’s mouth dropped slightly, and he took a slight step back. “What?” Rachel asked, narrowing her eyes. No way, she thought. There’s no way he knows. Then Blaine came closer, sitting beside her. One hand of his went to cup her cheek and the other lay over her wrist. Rachel squeezed her eyes shut for a split second, but it didn’t happen. The emotions between the two of them where hovering just inches apart, not enough to trigger, but enough to scare her.
“Are you…” Blaine licked his lips, before trying again. “Rachel, are you pregnant?”
Her jaw dropped.
“You are! Ho-How, Rachel, I don’t know – I swear I thought we were being safe –”
“Blaine, I – ”
“It doesn’t matter,” Blaine said, taking both of her hands in his. Rachel gasped softly, feeling the darkness inside her tickling the underneath of her skin, just waiting to spill from her pores. “We’ll take care of it Rachel. I mean, I don’t think you should get a abortion personally, however it’s up to you, I just, I think we could do this? How could we not, we’d be great parents and I know you want to be famous and all but – ”
“Blaine stop!” Rachel shouted, closing her eyes. When the heaviness didn’t sink in, she opened them. “I’m not pregnant! That’s not the problem.”
“Then what the hell is? I’m not leaving until you tell me.” Blaine narrowed his eyes, and squeezed her hands tightly. That was enough to trigger it, and Rachel screamed, wrenching her hands away from Blaine’s and falling to the ground.
She pressed her palms into her heavy eyes, and wished to God she had the strength to scratch them out and end her misery. But God didn’t grant wishes for people like her. This time the shift was longer that it had ever been and Rachel blindly grasped for a pillow. She pressed her face into it, hoping that somehow the soft material would make all the pain go away. It was all in her head, but it was very real. The sound of raw throats screaming till their last breath, the smell of burning flesh, and feeling the flames as if they were licking at her own skin; Rachel just sat on her knees and sobbed.
The sounds and smells soon faded, lingering longer than usual, but Rachel wouldn’t forget them. She hadn’t been able to since the first time she experienced such terrible things. She heard Blaine talking to her, but couldn’t register his words. When Rachel felt him sitting beside her, she scrambled away. “Don’t!” She cried. “Don’t! Don’t touch me Blaine, don’t look at me. Please don’t.” The heaviness in Rachel’s eyes wouldn’t go away. She knew if she dared look into a mirror, her normal brown eyes would have disappeared, swallowed like black. She couldn’t turn and face Blaine looking like that.
“Just – just talk to me Rach…” She could hear the sadness and uncertainty in his voice. Rachel could also tell he was staying his distance, which he didn’t know, but guaranteed his safety. “I have…” She began, but paused. “I’m not – I’m not who you think I am Blaine… I’m different. I’ve always been different but not in this way… I – It started after we began to date. I woke up one night, screaming. You wouldn’t believe the things I dreamt that night. Awful things… that I still can’t un-see. It was so real, so horrendous to witness I felt almost responsible. So responsible I got up that night, at four o’clock and drove down to my synagogue.” Rachel sobbed, thinking about what had happened when she had gotten there. “I needed to pray, and though I love my faith, I’ll admit I never prayed very much, but this was almost like it demanded to be told to –” Rachel paused. “But I couldn’t Blaine. The synagogue looked closed but sometimes my Rabbi stays all night, but I couldn’t even make it to the door. It was so weird; I couldn’t enter the grounds of my own synagogue.” Rachel wiped at the tears on her face. “And when I began to pray right outside the church, I couldn’t speak. My throat closed up on me. I can’t even say his name, Blaine. Why is this happening to me? What is happening to me? I feel terrible about myself, this, dark side I have now, and I can’t make it go away. I can’t make it right.”
Blaine was silent for a long time, before saying “Look at me.”
Rachel shook her head violently. “I can’t. Then you’ll see it. I can’t, I can’t show it to you. It’s scary Blaine. It’s a terrifying part of me,”
“Rachel, I love you.” He said softly. “Everyone’s got secrets. Awful, terrible secrets that create their own hidden place; you’re not the only one with a dark side, Rach, so don’t let it define you.”
Rachel turned toward Blaine, but kept her eyes shut and cast down. “I love you so much, Blaine. I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why I’ve been pushing you out.”
She heard him laugh, softly, light as if his girlfriend wasn’t a demon sitting right in front of him. “I would come back every time you pushed me away. I promise I’ll stay.” Rachel smiled, and without thinking about it, one last time through, she opened her eyes and looked up at him.
Rachel wasn’t sure what to expect. His goofy grin and sparkling eyes were there for a moment, until she looked up and they were gone in an instant. The look on his face couldn’t be categorized, but his body went rigid. His eyes were locked in with hers, and she did her best so they wouldn’t keep him there. Rachel saw him move, sitting up on the edge of the couch, near the end away from her, staring as if he had never seen her before in his life.
“You’re running away,” She said quietly after a moment. It wasn’t a question and Blaine didn’t dismiss the statement. He stood up quickly, walking into the middle of the living room as if he would leave before stopping and looking back at her. “I’m still the same person, Blaine,” Rachel told him, starting to stand. She felt a hollow pang in her chest as he took a step back away from her. “I’m working through it.”
“I don’t – I don’t know what you are, much less who you are anymore,” He said cautiously, turning his face away from hers. “You’re right, though, earlier. We… We can’t work through this… not now… I just can’t.” Blaine told her, turning and heading toward the front door.
“Blaine! Wait!” Rachel shouted, running after him. He didn’t flinch from her this time, but Rachel kept her distance, knowing if they came into contact with each other he could potentially get hurt. “Look, I am not pushing you away. This… this… whatever it is! I don’t even know – is what is pushing you away and you’re letting it. Working through it is your choice now; I’ve been trying for months. Having you help me would make it so much easier and it would be worth it.” She waited but Blaine said nothing. His hand was still resting on the door handle. “But you said, just now, you would stay. Please stay now, don’t give up on me yet. I could’ve given up on myself, but you kept me going. You’re the reason I haven’t let this thing take me over, because you keep reminding me of who I really am, and if you leave and take that with you… I might never be okay. I need you to stay. Please…” Rachel hugged her arms around her middle, never have felt so small before in her life as she waited for his answer.
“I can’t.” Blaine said. The words hung so heavy in the air, and Rachel wondered if the breath of exhalation was from how much the words hurt to say or how much of a relief it was he finally said them. “I can’t stay. Not now.” Without looking back Blaine stepped aside and tore the door open.
“Will you come back?” Rachel’s voice quivered but it was lost in the February chill that enveloped her, as she watched Blaine walk away and out her door. Either he didn’t hear her, or he didn’t have an answer.
"You should do it now." "Rachel, stop talking non-sense! How could I kill you? You're my best friend!" "I've killed so many. I killed your mother. I'm so sorry." "You changed. I won't kill you, I can't."
