#demovent

[dissociativeidentitydisaster]

If you haven't seen my other annoying-ass posts about it: I've been diagnosed with Type-2 diabetes

I believe it's a false diagnosis, but what I believe doesn't matter and never has done

Of course I was told immediately to cut back on sugars and carbs. I have an appointment on Friday where they might give me actual advice, but they're more than likely just going to try to peddle Ozempic and give me a piece of paper

But the thing is. I don't consume much sugar, or staple-crop carbs. I have sugar in my tea, drink milk, and like to eat fruit every so often but don't have a sweet tooth at all and can't eat more than a single bite of chocolate in a day. I skip most of the carbs in my meals because mother's cooking could singlehandedly convince me I'm dead and live in hell, and my diet already consists mostly of meat and eggs with spinach when I can get my hands on it

And, to be fair, packet noodles. They're cheap and a good way to get salt into my body (because I very often get headaches that can be cured by salt)

So like, I guess I cut out the noodles. But that can't singlehandedly be my problem, can it?

Mother has already said she's never making me a meal with carbs in it ever again

I don't have much control over my diet, as you might be able to tell. Or my life in general really. I don't even get to choose when I can go outside. But I like good food, and I feel like the small amount of good food I do have is being forcibly ripped from me

I don't get to choose what I put in my body or what my body looks like. I can't get a haircut without permission from both family and the goddamned hairdresser. I am frequently told to do the impossible and lose weight (if I was going to lose weight, it wouldve happened during the time I was consuming 100 calories every other day)

And now I'm losing what little bit of control I do have over my diet and my body, and for what? To live some miserable fucking life where I can't even enjoy food?

The world is fucking burning and I'm not allowed sugar in my weekly cup of tea

And I don't know what to do

[dissociativeidentitydisaster]

i am complaining fucking CONSTANTLY about my jaw but in my defense it has been over two months and it is getting worse

[dissociativeidentitydisaster]

Im so sick of my fuCKING JAW

It gets worse if I get less sleep but then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because I can't sleep because my jaw hurts!

I'm so fed up with being in pain

[dissociativeidentitydisaster]

Debating talking to a doctor about my jaw, seeing as it's bad again after a week or so of being ok

But realistically what will they do? Tell me to take meds I'm already taking, tell me to see a dentist because apparently the entire jaw counts as teeth? Never mind that finding a dentist amounts to calling every single practice within a several mile radius to see if they're taking on new patients, because no medical practice in Scotland knows what a fucking email is

Paracetamol and ibuprofen take so fucking long to kick in for me ugggghhhh I just wanna go back to sleeeeeep

[dissociativeidentitydisaster]

"Female alters should always get top priority for fronting, because it's misogyny and oppression to take up space they could use"

"Internally-active alters should not front, because it's oppression to deny the less active access to the outer world"

"Our internally-active alters being male is misogynistic, but putting that kind of emotional labor onto our female alters would ALSO be misogynistic because women don't and shouldn't owe us anything"

"Being a trans man is misogynistic but only when we do it. Detransition or die detransition or die detransition or die. Actually skip the detransition part because that just turns people into TERFs. Best to just die die die because we've already ruined ourself by 'choosing' to be this way"

"To not vent to our female friends implies that we think they can't handle it. To vent to our female friends is to force them to do emotional labor on our behalf. Best to vent to no one because both of these options are misogyny"

"Having various 'good dad' alters but no 'good mother' alters (at least not in the same way) is misogynistic, and totally not to do with the fact that dad's abuse was very easy to quantify at a young age and we still struggle to reason with ourself about the way mother abuses us. Maybe mother doesn't even abuse us. Maybe that's us being misogynistic too"

hey can i get off the fucking ride please