#deov

[taktaharkany]

[bipolarpandamonium]

Missed Opportunities

By: EK Encarnacion

I was sitting in front of the Catholic church at Bulacan for my cousin's final funeral rites when his widow stood at the pulpit for a prelude to the eulogy. The last time I saw her was last year, around late November, when they went to the house to officially invite my parents to their wedding early the following month. She appeared to be an excited to-be-wife and perhaps, to-be-mother to a number of children. But only almost half-a-year later our paths have once again crossed in one of the most unfavorable of situations and she stood in front of the congregation with puffy eyes. She only got to spend six months with my cousin.

Perhaps I may be considered to be more blessed than her with respect to given time. Technically speaking, my cousin and I could have shared the most number of experiences together since, among the clan, we are (now, were) of the same age. But sadly, I never really had a chance to spend a lot of time with him. Although he stayed with us during our elementary years, he left after graduating. We never really got to hangout during college and post-college days as my family and I reside at Cavite and work in Manila.

  Angel repeatedly thanked everyone who comforted her throughout the period that was given to her to grieve. And as she recalled every moment she spent with her lost husband, I found myself helpless trying to restrain the tears streaming down my face. I have always been an impassive, other times, insensitive, person to the eyes of many. But there are instances that really hit me at the bullseye and that could break down even my brother whom I consider to be one of the most macho men there is to tears. She only got to spend six months with my cousin. But I, and perhaps the rest of my entire family, consider her more blessed as she got to encounter a whole new experience with my cousin.

  And as I walk behind the coffin under the scorching heat of the sun at midday with the rest of the attendees who will witness my cousin's interment, I cannot help but feel regretful for every missed opportunity I could have spent with him—a dinner, a swim at the beach or a hike on the mountains considering he is also one of the most traveled among my cousins. But I cannot bring him back to life nor set the clock to reverse for there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. I turned my head around and there are still many others—my most beloved family, relatives and friends whom I can still spend time with. And deep inside, I felt a ray of light.

  His death was an awakening.

[bipolarpandamonium]

Nakakabinging Kalungkutan: Paalam Deovenson

Ni: EK Encarnacion

Hindi makahinga at humahagulgol na pumapasok ng bahay sina mama at daddy, ang aking lola’t lolo sa side ni Mommy. Sinundo sila sa airport isang oras na ang nakakaraan. Ngunit marahil paghinto lamang ng kotseng lulan nila sa tapat ng aming bahay sinabi nina mommy ang nakakagimbal na balita.

  Patay na si Deovenson. Patay na ang pinsan kong kasabay kong lumaki. Patay na ang apong inalagaan ng aking mga nuno at itinuring nilang anak.

Kahapon ng madaling araw, nagising ako sa maingay na ringtone ng aking cellphone. Ang pinsan kong si Kuya Ace ang nasa kabilang linya. Nastroke daw si Deovenson. Nakita ni Kuya Ace na nakabulagta sa sahig si Deovenson at hindi kumikilos. Nagtanong siya kung may alam kaming neurologist na maaaring lapitan. Hindi ako makapaniwala. Bente-singko palang si Deovenson. Sinabi ko kina mommy at papa. Hindi rin sila makapaniwala.

  Nagdaan ang buong araw at wala na akong natanggap na tawag mula kay Kuya Ace. Tinapos ko ang Nitrogen Analysis ng mga samples kong kasingbaho ng tae. Pagod akong umuwi sa bahay. Wala sina papa at mommy. Gaya ng nakagawian, nagbukas ako ng computer upang gawin ang aking regular na pagcheck ng emails at social accounts. Tumunog ang aking cellphone.

  “Patay na si Deov,” text ni mommy. Nagulo ang utak ko. Paano? Paano nangyari yun? Sa loob ng isang araw lang ay nakipaglaban si Deovenson ngunit nabigo. Sino nga ba ang makakapagsabing sa isang araw, sa isang iglap ay maaaring matapos ang isang kabanata, ang isang kwento?

  Kagagaling ko lang ngayon mula sa isang work-related na gawain. Nakakandado ang bahay. Walang tao. Nakakapagtakang hindi tumatahol ang aso naming si Savanna na kadalasa’y maligalig. Maalikabok ang garahe dahil sa duming iniwan ng gulong ng sasakyang kanina’y nakaparada doon. Nagkalat ang mga tsinelas na tila iniwan sa sobrang pagmamadali. Gulu-gulo ang kama’t mga unan na marahil ay hinigaan ni mama o ni daddy dahil maaaring nahirapan pa rin silang mapababa ang kanilang blood pressure matapos madinig ang balita.

  At habang nag-aayos ako ng mga kagamitan sa bahay ay sumagi sa isip ko na sa isang iglap ay maaaring mawala ako o biglang kuhanin ang iba pang mga taong nakapaligid at mahalaga sa akin.  Hindi pala talaga natin alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa atin mamaya o bukas. Sapagkat ang buhay ay parang hamog—sandaling lumilitaw at pagkadakaý nawawala.

  Patuloy akong nag-iisip ng mga aral na maaaring ilakip pa sa blog entry na ito. Ngunit ang lahat ng ideyang pumapasok sa aking isipan ay mabilis naglalaho—bawat isaý nilulunod ng alingawngaw na nanggagaling mula sa mga dingding, kisame at sahig ng bahay na patuloy inuulit ang hinagpis na kanilang nasaksihan ng kinaumagahan.

  Andito ako. Mag-isang nabibingi sa kalungkutan.