I'm seriously the luckiest girl
Deployment can suck a cock and I'd like it to go away forever and never come back, but through all this distance it's just been reaffirmed over and over why we're doing this. If I had my choice, yes I'd like him to be just an hour's drive away as opposed to the current almost eight thousand miles between us. But we're pushing through this, we're making it work because we both want each other. Every so often I get scared and insecure and wonder if his feelings have changed and when I open up to him about it, he's always ready with the most loving responses. He's never made me feel like I'm not important or I'm annoying or silly. I literally messaged him the other night, "Please call me I need you" and a minute later he was there. The future is so scary; it includes a huge move farther away from my family than I've ever been. But I know that I want to wake up and go to sleep with him every night and the excitement of living with him and experiencing all of the adventures that await us far outweigh my anxious worries. We started this with a daunting 300-something days altogether and now we have less than half of that to go. I'm still kind of in shock about it. It could be a week from now that he comes home and I still wouldn't believe it.
On one of the nights we spent together before he left, he told me, "I don't have much, but I'd give you the world if I could." And that has stuck with me through all of this. I mean, I'm a small-town girl from California who fell in love with a hillbilly from Michigan. I've never had "much" to begin with, so it doesn't matter to me what he can give me materially. All that matters to me is what he can give me emotionally, and that thus far has been just about everything. He's always so supportive and understanding. I annoy myself with my anxiety sometimes, but when I go to him with my worries he makes me believe everything really will be okay.
He's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm so so lucky to call him mine. And ya know, last May I just so happened to take a chance and swipe right on this cute guy on Tinder whose profile picture was of him in the mountains. His profile said something about wanting someone to share his toys with (aka his vehicles) and also mentioned his being outdoors-y. Then a minute later I get a message from him: "How you doing hot stuff" 😹 At the end of that first conversation I swear I thought he would never message me again because I told him, "Goodnight mister :)" and he was like, "It's Chris." And I had to explain it was a term of endearment, that of course I knew his name. Then I was like well shit there goes that. And the next day he was over at my house for Netflix (because I had a broken foot and was thus immobile and the worst person to take to a movie).
And seven months later, we're in love and each counting down the days until this deployment is finally over. And in between that being mushy and gross. ☺️
