Feb 16, 2021
Sometimes, I feel like I am just living to exist. I seek adrenaline and take risks to feel something. Although at the very same time I just want a normal life, to be normal.
L.C
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Sometimes, I feel like I am just living to exist. I seek adrenaline and take risks to feel something. Although at the very same time I just want a normal life, to be normal.
L.C
It's going to take time and it will be infuriating, but please my dear. Teach me how to be consumed by love.
My Warrior
Me: The Grand Canyon, so beautiful.
Depression: The cliff is waiting for you.
Me: Oh, my crush is looking at me.
Depression: Forget him and do drugs because he'll never love you.
Me: School test, must do them all.
Depression: Fail them all.
Me: I've had enough! You've screwed my mind and body for long enough. I'm a warrior hiding behind everyone else. I'm fighting, I'm surviving.
Depression: I'm unbeatable. You'll never remove me.
Me: Oh yeah? I'm a fighter, you're a coward. I'm a soul, you're a ghost. I'm a human, you're a feeling. You don't control me any longer.
Me: You have no control over me anymore.
Depression: You've giving me no strength. Finally, you've seen the real reason to life. I'm only a phase, a part in life to stop you. And you've over came me. A true warrior you are.
I can't believe I'm doing this...
I haven't been able to bring myself to sing in quite a while. I haven't been on stage in over a year. It's usually one sure sign that I've hit a spike in my depression. Well, my sister and I decided to reward my niece with tickets to the Wicked tour (for being accepted into the gifted program at school). We are going tomorrow!
I used to sing "Popular" to her when she was a baby. (She loved it because I had to do the "Galinda voice"... which makes me all squeaky and silly and girly. I normally sing all crazy deep like Matron Mama Morton from Chicago... though I do get cast in a LOT of ditzy roles...???) It was one of the first Broadway musical songs that she learned... and was ridiculously ADORABLE because she pronounced it "Popleear" and sang it at the top of her lungs throughout the aisles of Target.
So tonight, before she would go to bed, she made me sing it to her. It's about time I started singing again. I made myself come down and record it to hold myself accountable and get over my issues with people hearing me again. I figured I would be okay with sharing it amongst my small, and lovingly supportive, group of followers.
Thanks for giving me courage. <3