#depresso mode

[xandra-warrior-princess]

Ah yes, another morning of the "Nightmare + Panic Attack" Combo. Love that for me. PTSD is fun, kids. 🙃🤘🏼

[xandra-warrior-princess]

Physically, I'm here but mentally, I'm standing on a table, threatening my mental illnesses with a baseball bat

[turnmeintoanangel]

Being alone is really fking hard.

[turnmeintoanangel]

How can a world so beautiful have something like me in it

[princedrewbear]

I wish people would stop ghosting me 🥲

[princedrewbear]

Feeling really yucky today, I think it's mostly because I didn't get enough sleep last night. But it doesn't help that I went straight from a 2 hour class to an 8 hour shift 🥲

That and the whole "finding a cg" thing is gnawing at me too. Like I said before, I've just been feeling very unwanted/undesirable and I don't really know how I can fix that besides getting a cg who wants me 🙃

[princedrewbear]

Well, it seems as though this blog is more of a journal for myself so I'm going to indulge in that.

I can't help but feel really burnt out lately, I do my best to try and be slow about finding a mommy but I can't help but feel like it's never gonna happen.

I can't decide if it's because I'm working against great odds being a tall, fat, male little or if I'm more mean than I think I am. A lot of my contemporaries suck and are horrible to mommies leaving them even less interested in trying to become invested in someone, and I wonder if that's what's driving them away or if I'm actually one of those shitty littles just trying to get what I want with no regard for how it would make someone feel.

I struggle with that, I really try to not be like that but I can't help but feel like I've only convinced myself that I'm a good person when in reality my actions do not align with those ideals.

Beyond all that, creating the relationship I would like to be in is just difficult. It's extremely hard to find anyone interested in all this, much less a woman, and that's not even taking distance into consideration.

I just feel like shit, like I'm a shitty person who doesn't actually deserve any of that and a person people should avoid.

I wish it wasn't like that, and I wish I could magically snap my fingers and be in the relationship of my dreams but, well, shit in one hand and wish in the other. Lemme know which fills up first

[princedrewbear]

Literally anything that I say just shuts down a conversation. I honestly think I just need to take a vow of silence or something. It fucking sucks