I guess everyone will leave...
About a week ago, I noticed a friend of mine wasn't on my dash anymore. And so I tired to find her, and sure enough, she had deleted her blog. Well, I cried, and nearly panicked. Though I realize now, I was overreacting, in a way, but...it hurt, you know? It's scary how people can come and go so easily in this life. But she had kept her personal blog, so at least she's still here! ^-^ While digging through my RIC Responding tag, tho, in hopes of seeing whether or not she had deactivated or simply changed her url, I did spot where another person I like had deactivated! O-O An artist from Germany, named hide-your-cheese. (She once drew a Prussia for me, and I'll always love it.) So I cried about her, and I cried about everything. Fast forward a week, and here I was today, loading my queue for tonight. And I saw a PruAus picture I had saved to reblog from derschlange. A terrific blogger! One of my favorites for the entire time I've been here, it seems. She's so smart, and talented, and a great, heartfelt poet!! So dignified, and just...yes. All my respect to her. And I remember one day, I saw where she posted a poem she wrote, but it was written in Italian, so I copy and pasted it, and took it to google translate, just so I could read it. And I loved it! So I told her so, and told her what I did, and I remember, she wrote me back, and thanked me! Said I made her day. And then when I wrote my UsUk poem -- the first poem I ever had the guts to post here -- she reblogged it and said, "This is what real writing looks like." Oh God. I'll never forget it! What a tremendous compliment coming from her!! ;^; And now...the picture of PruAus in my queue...it says I reblogged it from 'This', which means the untimely death of a blog. It means she deactivated. -_- Only yesterday. And you know, it's funny, just the other night, I saw her posting PruAus, and I wanted to write to her and say, "It makes me happy to see you posting PruAus, because I know how much you used to ship it, and I hope you still do, and I really enjoyed reading one of your pieces about them." But I didn't. And now she's gone. ... So I got upset. So I turned off tumblr, before I could cry. I got dressed, and I walked outside... The sun shining in lazy, and squirrels in the yard. I walked alongside bushes where the limbs have all been cut by careless gardeners in hopes of the bushes growing back more beautiful. Severed limbs, and ugly stumps, and they were just fine the way they were, weren't they? Why does everyone want everything to be perfect? Why are people so disappointed by the way nature is on its own? I walked towards the sun, and past a fairground, and to the corner of a ball field. I saw where the vines on the chain-length fence -- the ones that sprout gorgeous orange flowers in July -- have all been cleared away. I took a walk past the childhood home of the lady who died years ago, but I hear her voice in my head nightly. I walked past the empty home of the bitch who stole my boyfriend in high school, and she grew up to marry an old alcoholic who beats her, and now they've moved away, out-of-state, so her family can't stop him, and so the neighbors can't call the cops at 3 AM. And I looked up at the two tiny upstairs windows, staring out at me, dark and vacant like the artificial gaze of taxidermic deer. Those glazed eyes, lifeless. And I think of you all, even when I'm not here. When I'm not on my dash, I miss you. And twenty years from now, I'll still wonder, 'Whatever happened to that poet from Italy? How is life treating that artist from Germany??' I'll never forget any of you, and if that makes me silly, or too sentimental, or too attached to people, then I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry. I don't know how to live this life without letting each and every person I meet have some sort of affect on me. Let 'em burn into my memory, and indent my heart, for safekeeping. Sometimes I miss everyone I know.
