even though i am on my 4th day of my first year, there is already so much going through my mind from imposter syndrome to questioning my choice in going into design. and although this comes before a real design diary entry i think this format will be used throughout the years to tackle certain subjects
imposter syndrome: my first day here, i woke up early, made my roughly 35 minute commute to school, went to the gym, and went to my first class. i sat down and we started going through introductions. then we began drawing lines with these crappy ballpoint pens that ooze out ink from time to time. by the end of the class my hand was tinted purple. ((that’s so blue, it’s black too)) about 20 minutes or so into the exercise i began to feel a tinge of, “should i be here?”, it wasn’t till after the class and making my way outside onto campus that i found myself in a sea of hundreds of people just like me making their way through campus. i then really did question myself, more directly, “do i belong here?”. later on, about two days later, i began to realize why i felt like this. it took almost 2 years to get here, from college admissions to my time at a different institution under a different major to finally be at home. and now that i finally have that i feel as though i should not be here, wether its because i’m undeserving or i feel like i should be doing something different, does not matter.
the weight of my major in a bigger context: studying something like design, feels like a privilege. it stems from many things, from culture, family, society. studying something in the arts (which includes architecture, art, art history, design music, etc.) has not only this idea of privilege around it but also it’s un-marketability. (lol) the two are stereotypes, and not true, there is an incredible amount of opportunities in the world in the arts. but that isn’t the focus of this. i do these homework assignments like, drawing five different objects from my room, and wonder, “would my time be more fruitful working on coding, or studying biology?” however when i look around, i am brought back to the reason why i chose design, and furthermore feel like i am contributing to the world. without design (or the arts) life would be bleak and boring, no one wants an ugly MacBook, nor a boring pair of Nikes. you buy Nikes because you like the design, not because its functional… (you get what i’m saying) life was not meant to look boring, literally, if it was, we wouldn’t be in awe of a sunset.
writing this on august 25th in Color Theory at 3:21pm