#desireability

[failinggrade]

…

although i love my body and 68% of the time i feel good about my body, i think that if i didn’t have a lot of the characteristics society deems “desirable” i would struggle even more than i already do with “self love” —which is not a radical or surprising or new take. Fat liberationists have already named that so much of the co-opted self love/body positivity movement is just thin, abled people celebrating features that are already structurally rewarded.

but feeling it in real time, recognizing in real time that the parts of my body i like most are likely bc of their perceived desirability, makes me feel ill. i feel alienated from my body. like whatever little pride, respect, love i have for myself is just a thin veneer over a ton of loathing.

especially because i concretely don’t have a face that would be described as conventionally attractive (severe acne, bags under my eyes, fucked up teeth) and the reception to my face versus my body is drastically different.

it all makes me want to hide. but not from life. i want to continue to participate in life and the things that make me feel alive. like dancing and skate boarding swimming and surf boarding, but completely correr head to toe.

[qtwocfruit]

What I crave the most

A love song. 

I want a song about loving trans women. 

Loving us earnestly, desperately - completely. Just like you might hear on the radio.

Because right now I'm daydreaming about making a deal with the devil. Like selling out, forgetting any and all radical politics in exchange for a few chords and words in their proper place.

Give me something to hum to and I'll assimilate in a heartbeat. 

[pkgam]

You Better Not Be Good At Something Different...

Because you'll die a virgin.

... Or so some say, lol! I know I talked about this sort of thing before, but I have something to add to it in regards to unique talent. When someone says that someone else "will die a virgin" when they have talent in something different, it's their way of saying that they are undesirable.

But how exactly does that kind of talent relate to being undesirable? I mean when I think of a person who might be undesirable, I think of someone who is just generally mean to others or cheats things... Stuff like that. It's illogical.

Let's look at this from another angle. What if someone was "desirable" when they got into a relationship, but then became talented in something that other people would deem to be undesirable. Would that person's partner leave him/her? Of course not because they know why that person is desirable in the first place and a new talent wouldn't change that. So why would a unique talent make someone undesirable in the first place? It wouldn't.

In fact, one would have to be a really shallow person to think that which in on itself is actually pretty undesirable, lol! Just imagine if you got into a relationship with a person like that and they dumped you because you gained a interest in something or a new talent. That would be awful.