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Chapter 7 of Sing For Me, FINALLY On AO3…
https://archiveofourown.org/works/60615787/chapters/214343526
Going through my TikTok to save posts I want and I found this absolute BANGER
no comment
Did some force take you because I didn't pray?
[Bigger Than The Whole Sky by Taylor Swift]
#Destielmonth22 Day 5: Anniversary
Late because being on time is overrated and ableist ✌🏻 Anyway. Here's your gays:
Dean was never good at anniversaries.
He'd usually get the day and the month mixed up, or he'd just forget entirely. And it's not like it even mattered anyway, as most of his relationships never lasted more than a couple of weeks. And the only ones that did, well, he still got away with not doing the whole anniversary shebang. Lisa learned not to expect that much from him before they hit the six-month mark. And Cas...
Well, Cas and him could never agree on a date.
Like almost every other aspect of their relationship, the starting point of it defies definition. Because even if they wanted to pinpoint a specific day as the beginning of their relationship, what would it be?
The day Cas rescued Dean from hell? The time Dean rescued him from the Empty? What about the first time Dean realized he was in love with Cas? Or the time Cas did?
The first time they kissed?
Should it be earlier? On the night they meet at the barn, and Dean stabbed the angel? How about the first time they chose each other over God's plan?
Their relationship is compromised of a million precious moments, all scattered throughout the decades and spread between apocalypse-stopping battles and trips to the grocery store. All equally important and precious, if you ask Dean.
If you ask Cas, he will spend no less than two hours cataloging all of the different times he looked into Dean's eyes and thought "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen". And all of those times seem worthy of celebration to him.
There's the first time they held hands (April 8th), and their first date (August 11th), and their first proper date (October 23th). There's the first night they slept together, and also the first time they had sex, and the first time they said “I love you” –all separate occasions.
Dean never even properly asked Cas to be his boyfriend. One night they were cuddling after sex and he just let his rambling mind think out loud,
“Hey, Cas, are we...? Like, um, I mean. Do you... When people ask, what do you... ? I mean. Not assuming anyone's asking anything. Just. What would you...? I mean. Do you think we're...? Would you say we are... Y'know.”
Cas didn't know. So Dean took a deep breath and spat it out, “Are we boyfriends?”
After a few minutes and too much mumbling and fidgeting, from both parts, they arrived to the conclusion that yes, they were boyfriends now. It might have been a Tuesday. Neither one of them remembers the day or month.
There's the first night they spent at their house, after finally moving out of the bunker (a Sunday in early May). And the day they got symbolic rings (mid January), and the small commitment ceremony Jody officiated for them (on the 8th of... either June or July, Dean can never remember it right).
He was never good at anniversaries. And he loves that with Cas, he doesn't have to keep track. It's not that he doesn't want to. It's just that he doesn't see the point and neither does Cas.
It's been years and if they wanted to count, they'd realize there's a memory attached to every single page of the calendar. So it'd be unfair to pick just one date.
Every morning Dean wakes up held by the warmth of his angel is a party in his book. Every time they kiss is a celebration of their love. Every single second spent together, a treasure.
So what if they don't have a proper anniversary. They have 365. They have a thousand, really. And so many more to come. They have each other. At last. And that's all the celebration they need.
Hi please consider... a deleted scene from S15 e20 after Bobby says Cas helped rebuild heaven where we get more from Dean than a half smile.
Imagine a prayer scene maybe, later in the impala. Dean being all like, "Cas, you stupid son of a bitch, do ya have any idea.. pulling a stunt like that, I was going crazy, man. I thought I lost you again. Now get your feathered ass here pronto, capiche?" But of course there's no sign of him. Dean shakes his head and huffs a sigh.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Spouting all that chick flick crap about.. about being in love", his voice breaks, and he runs a hand through his hair in frustration. "Why would an angel feel that way about someone like me? Why would you, Cas? I-I saw the look on your face but I've let you down more times than I can count and I don't deserve it. I didn't deserve that devotion, that sacrifice."
"But if it did mean anything to ya, why'd ya up and disappear like that? If Jack brought you back, did it not occur to you to drop by or at least send a friggin text message? I prayed to you Cas, and I prayed for you. Least you could do was not be a dick and let me know you were up here playing Bob the Builder with the kid."
After a few more moments of radio silence, Dean realizes it's safe to assume Castiel won't be answering any time soon. He puts the key in the ignition. At least he's got his baby.
"Cas", he mutters as the engine purrs to life, "You do realize you can't hide from me forever, right? So if you're scared cause I didn't respond, I'd suggest putting on your big boy pants so we can set things straight. Or well, not so straight, ha."
Despite his light tone, his shoulders sag. Maybe Cas realized he could do better? Maybe he was faking it before, to summon the Empty? Maybe-
There's a sudden flutter of wings. Dean's head whips to the passenger seat.
"Hello Dean."
Dean finds he doesn't have it in him to suppress the smile that breaks across his face.
"Hey Cas. I had a feeling you'd turn up."
Cas does that head tilt of his. It's adorable.
"Why is that?" he asks.
Dean rolls the car to a halt at the side of the road.
"Don't be a dumbass, Cas. There ain't gonna be no heaven for me, without you in it."
I told my Google home hub to play a Destiel Playlist from Deezer and it played The Night We Met 😭😭 I don't know what I was expecting but it didn't disappoint.
**UPDATE** It's getting progressively sadder. Currently playing Can't Help Falling In Love.
why supernatural means so much to me
I started watching supernatural on 7th June, 2018 and it changed my life. It was suggested to me by my best friend and i decided to give it a shot. I had never watched anything horror before so I was a bit anxious about watching it but i knew Jared from Gilmore girls so I decided to watch it for him.
Initially, it was different. It was so much different than what I was used to watching. And I loved it with every inch of my being. I saw a little bit of myself in Dean and Sam and I felt like they were who I wanted to be. Sounds fucked up, kinda, but yeah. I was watching it with this super speed, rushing through episodes and shit. It was the most fun I had had while watching a TV show.
Then, 1st August, I had to undergo a surgery. It was a minor one but it slowly grew into so many complications. I was in unbelievable pain all the time and I couldn't sit, eat or do anything I liked doing. I was bedridden and all I could do was watch stuff. And so I did. I watched Supernatural endlessly. And every dressing, I was treated without anaesthesia and I'd almost pass out from the pain but what kept me going was the fact that Sam and Dean and cas went through shit and made it, and I can too.
Supernatural also introduced me to rock music and believe it or not, it helped me come to terms with my sexuality and gender. And it made me into a much more confident person. It helped me when I was depressed and felt like I would die.
So supernatural is special to me. Doesn't matter what anyone says. Doesn't matter what the end was (i simply do not accept it)
And I love the cast with all my heart. So fucking much.
I write this after I celebrate my supernatural anniversary this year and I shall forever be grateful to Sam, Dean and Cas, and everyone else. And to all the friends I made along the way. (looking at you, @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover )
