#destielsecretsanta

[just-a-glittery-fan]

Destiel Secret Santa🎅

My giftee is @joeytrlbiani ! Hope you enjoy my gift for the @destielsecretsanta2020 ❤

You said you liked coffee shop AUs so I made you a moodboard + ficlet about that. Cas and Dean are supposed to be in their early to mid twenties in this.

Sweet like apple pie

"You should just talk to him." Sam advised, not even looking up from the book he was reading.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dean lied, but he knew Sam would never buy it.

He finally raised his head, giving Dean a look for his blatant lie. 

"You've been offering to pick me up from college for weeks, just so we can come here." Sam reminded him. "I know the pie is good, but we both know you could that from the bakery two streets away from our house."

Damn him for being so smart. Or Dean for being so oblivious.

He didn't plan on becoming completely infatuated by a waiter from Heaven's coffee shop, and yet there he was.

A few weeks ago, things got hectic in the job and he forgot to eat lunch. When he was about to leave and eat something, Sam called him saying he missed the bus back home and the next one would take an hour to show up. So Dean, as the dedicated big brother he is, said he'd come and pick him up. The thing is, he was really fucking hungry, so on their way back he spotted this place and decided to stop by and order something.

He saw the other man as soon as he opened the door, taking the order from the only other client there at the time with a smile on his face and the bluest eyes to ever exist.

Turns out his name is Castiel. The name was uncommon but it fit him. Dean kept coming back there, and he discovered the guy was also sweet, yet a little weird, but very fun to be around. There usually were few clients at the time Dean arrives, and Cas didn't mind standing there and talking to him while Sam buried his nose in a book and ignored them.

Dean also found out he really wanted to ask Castiel out.

"I don't even know if he's into guys." He answered. "It would be weird, right? If it turns out he's straight?"

"He gives you the same heart eyes you give him, so I doubt it." Sam stated. For someone who essentially ditches them for books every time, he's surely attentive. "But he's a nice guy. Even if he's straight he won't be like... offended that you asked."

"I don't know, Sammy..." He said, making his brother roll his eyes at the nickname.

He knew it was a little stupid. Going there as often as he could, making small talk and not ever saying what he really wanted to.

But he was still getting used to this whole thing, you know? He only came out as bi to his family last year, and he's still coming to terms with it himself. He never asked another man out, sure, he had accepted other guy's invitations at clubs and stuff, but he had never initiated.

Like every new thing, the concept was a little scary. He feels like it shouldn't be, but it's not like he could help it.

"I think he likes you." Sam insisted and Dean couldn't help but feel like a high schooler again. "Seriously, you should try it. Just ask him on a date, worst case scenario, he'll say no."

Dean opened his mouth to argue, but suddenly Castiel had shown up and was walking towards them with a smile on his face.

"Hey, guys. Good to see you're back." He greeted happy. "Dean, you're in luck. There's this apple pie we just finished baking."

Sam raised one eyebrow and smirked smugly. Dean knew it was a 'see? he knows your preferences, but doesn't know mine. He is interested.' but he tried to ignore it. Maybe Dean is just... predictable?

"That would be great, Cas." He said, unable to stop smiling when the guy was around. "A coffee too? Black, just a little sugar?"

"I know." Castiel dismissed. "You, Sam?"

"Just a coffee, please. Milk and sugar." He asked. Castiel wrote it down and left.

"You gotta stop giving me those looks in front of him, he'll notice." Dean hissed, as soon as the other man was out of earshot.

"And you gotta stop acting like you're fifteen!" Sam insisted. "Oh, no, wait... you were way smoother than that when you were fifteen."

Dean murdered a quick 'bitch' under his breath, to which his brother answered 'jerk' in the same tone. Despite the teasing, he knew Sam wasn't wrong.

"Do you think it would be easier if I wasn't here?" Sam asked, his voice getting more serious. "I could stay in the car or go to the bathroom for a bit."

Yeah, it would probably be awkward to ask a guy out with Sammy there, pretending he wasn't listening to them.

"That's... yeah, that could work." He decided. Sam promptly got up from his chair. "Wait, you mean right now?"

"Of course." Sam said, already preparing to leave. "This is getting ridiculous. I'll wait in the car for a bit and then I'm coming back for my coffee. Don't take too long."

Alright, Dean could do that. Dean could totally do that. It's just like asking a girl out, alright? Sam was right, Cas was a good guy, even if he turned him down it would be gently.

You never know unless you try it, right? Dean wasn't usually afraid to take risks, but this was... different. He might not know Cas for too long, but he enjoyed his company. He cared about him.

Soon, he was back with the pie and the coffees. And, of course, that stupid little smile.

"Here, Dean." He said, putting all items on the table. "Wait, where's your brother?"

"Uh... Sammy is coming back soon." He said. "I kinda need to talk to you for a bit."

Castiel looked... relieved?

"Oh, please, let me go first. I've been waiting to get you alone for ages." He said, sitting down on the empty chair.

He didn't seem to get the way in which that sentence could be perceived or to see the way Dean gulped.

"Go ahead, man." He answered simply, not trusting his voice with much else.

"So... I have been wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime?" Castiel asked. "You're nice. And Gabriel and Charlie keep insisting that you're, in fact, flirting back" wait back? So Cas was really flirting with him? "But I'm really bad at reading people, so it's okay if you were just being friendly and I somehow got things wrong as usu-"

"You didn't." He interrupted as soon as the initial shock allowed him. "I've been wanting to ask you out since I first stepped in here."

Castiel seemed shocked for maybe a second before he recomposed himself and smiled again. Brighter than usual even.

"Oh... really?" He tilted his head a little in confusion. "That's great. I... tomorrow is my day off."

"Well, my working hours are quite flexible. I can leave early tomorrow." Dean explained, trying to contain his excitement. "It's a date, then?"

"It is." 

                            •••

Dean picked him up the next day and they went to see a movie. It was a comedy, and Dean had no idea whether it was good or bad, since he spent the whole time looking at Cas' reactions.

At one point he watched as Cas' let out a full body laugh at something a character had done and thought 'yeah, I could listen to this forever'. But he quickly reprimanded himself. It was too damn early to think deep stuff like that, goddamn it.

After the movie was over, they decided to take a walk for a while, just enjoying each other's presence.

It had snowed for most of the day, so it was really cold. But Dean found comfort in this, somehow. He liked the cold, and for some reason, the snow made the view seem more romantic.

They talked about everything and nothing. He found out more about Cas' life, his family, what he liked to do during his free time. He told Cas about his about his job, his favorite music, his family as well.

They kissed underneath the moonlight. Soft and tentative at first, then deep and passionate. Castiel was good at taking his breath away.

They walked hand in hand, lips swollen from kissing so much, as they made it back to the Impala.

Dean drove Castiel back to his apartment, and he asked if Dean wanted to get inside and drink something. He almost said yes, but decided against it in the last minute.

One thing would lead to another and for what was probably the first time in his life, Dean didn't want to rush anything.

"I figured we should leave that for the next date, don't you think?" He offered instead. They should get out of the way, make it clear what they wanted to avoid that awkward 'will he call me tomorrow?' thing.

Instead of showing disappointment for being turned down, Castiel smiled sweetly at him.

"As long as there is a second date."  He agreed, giving Dean a last kiss before exiting the car.

As Dean watched him go, he was sure there would. Second date, third date, and as many as Cas would give him the honor to have.

I really hope you liked it! I've never actually written a coffee shop AU before, so I hope it's okay. Happy holidays for you and for everyone involved in the Secret Santa! 🥰

[destielsecretsanta]

What is the Destiel Secret Santa?

It’s pretty much just a Secret Santa but for fanart/fanfic. Participants sign-up with a list of three holiday wishes that they’d like to see in a piece of either fanfic or fanart, one of which will be anonymously gifted to them by another participant, and, in turn gift another participant with one of the wishes from their list. Everybody gives a gift, and everybody receives a gift, all of it anonymous until it’s time to turn the presents in!

This Exchange is open to fanartists and fanfic authors and is centered around Destiel (or, DeanCastiel / DeanCas) from Supernatural. Sign-ups are OPEN until November 17th of 2018. Gift-assignments are set to go out between the 18th-20th of November. The admin of this exchange is @pansexualgabriel​. <b>If you’d like to participate, please read the rules and if you have any questions check out the FAQ.</b>

If you would like to participate:

reblog this post: the more, the merrier

fill out this form

follow @destielsecretsanta

check out the rules

You can join until the November 17th, 2018 & I will send you a message/ask telling you who your ‘secret santa’ is.

I’m super super excited and I hope a lot of people decide to participate!

[sabrielholidayexchange]

Announcement

As you surely noticed Tumblr has announced that from the 17th onwards there will be no adult content allowed anymore. That puts us in quite a dilemma since we of course want you to have the gifts you actually wished for.

Nobody has been deleted yet, but we would be most grateful if you would give us the name of one of your other social media accounts (or email, just, something) where you can be reached.

We cannot post nsfw photos/art on here. As of right now, written erotica seems to be fine but just in case, I have created a Ao3 Collection for the Sabriel Holiday Exchange as well as an Ao3 Collection for the DeanCas Secret Santa. That being said, art, NSFW or otherwise, can be posted to the collections as well. 

So, as of right now, the plan is: 

If you’re posting SFW art or SWF/NSFW fic, posting on here should be fine. You can still post to the Ao3 collections, in fact, I encourage you to, just in case!

If you’re posting NSFW art, please post it to the Ao3 collections. If you’re uncomfortable with doing this or need an invite to Ao3, please DM me. We’ll work something out. 

Art with warm tones seems to be getting flagged right now so if you’re posting SFW art with warm tones, safe bet on posting to the Ao3 collections or contacting me. 

Just in case the purge is bigger than expected, you can contact me on twitter at @PanGabeNovak or email me at [email protected]. I will also be contacting all of you privately about this too so I can be sure everyone has seen this. Thank you for understanding as we try to move forward and make this work. 

[destielsecretsanta]

This is my gift fic for the Destiel Secret Santa for @wildsofourhearts

It took me a few tries to get this done and it’s not the best I’ve written (in fact it’s quite messy) but I hope you enjoy it & I happy holidays!

The three wishes were:

-Dean seeing Castiel’s broken wings for the first time, emotional hurt/comfort

-Castiel waking Dean from a nightmare and calming him down

-Castiel believing he is Needed rather than Loved and Dean actually telling him he loves him for the first time

Summary: Dean and Cas are alone doing research in the bunker while everyone is away. Deans got nightmares and Castiel is there for him. Hurt/comfort/fluff.

SPOILER

This is set somewhere between s14 e05 (Nightmare Logic) and s14 e06 (Optimism)

(After Michael left Dean and before he is repossessed)

I’ll watch over you.

Those were the words that Castiel told Dean years ago.

Angels are watching over you.

Those were the words his mother used to tell him as she tucked him in at night.

I love you.

Castiel had told Dean once as he was about to die.

Castiel felt obliged to keep his word, watch over Dean, love him and protect him at all costs. It was difficult at times but mostly it was like breathing. You do it all the time, without thinking and at times without effort. Though sometimes it was like having an asthma attack. A heavy pain followed by the shattering of his heart. It was easy to love Dean. And it was difficult to love him. Easy to watch him with a smile but difficult to watch over him, hard to protect him. A man so set on self distinction and blinded by a duty and a love for his brother and his family. Yes, it was difficult sometimes to protect a man who himself was bound on protecting others. Someone who never cared for his own safety, only the safety of others. But still, Castiel kept his word. He protected Dean, loved him, he watched over him the best he could.

The angel knew that he had fallen, and he knew that he had done so for humanity. At the time he was even willing to. What he didn’t know was that humanity, in his mind, was a synonym for Dean. He had fallen for Dean, this human, in every way possible. As the years came crashing down on them, with all the pain and difficulties that followed and the more “human” he became he figured it out. But Dean was not like him, he was truly human, his best friend and his duty was clear. Protect him. So he did as best he could. All of it in silence. All of it for Dean.

Some random week in October Sam was away with Jack to hunt his first wendigo a few states from the bunker. Mary was still away with Bobby and unlikely enough the bunker was empty of all apocalypse hunters. The only ones left were Dean and Castiel who were supposed to do research on archangels and weapons and what not. And Dean hated it, he always had and would much rather be out there, doing the actual fighting. Making the actual difference between good and bad.

The bunker was quiet and still, chilled by the settled sun outside. The only sounds echoing through the war room for the past hour were the turning of pages and Dean occasionally shifting in his seat. He had given up on trying to make sense of the words in front of him a while back and sat instead watching Castiel, thinking and waiting for the clock to turn late enough for him to go to bed. He noted how Castiel sat unnaturally still as he concentrated and how his brow furrowed when he came across something remotely new. He did this sometimes, watching the angel. Just like the angel sometimes watched him, neither knowing the other did.

“This is boring.” Dean suddenly burst out to Castiel, breaking the silence. He hated research and figured that they’d done at it all day so he might be allowed to give up now.

“You should go to bed, it’s almost midnight.” Castiel said after a while, as if he’d read his mind.

“I’ll keep reading while you sleep.”

“Yeah, alright. Thanks buddy.” He answered simply enough as he pushed the chair back and got up. Just before he rounded the corner though he slowed down and wished the angel a good night.

As he got to bed Castiel’s words echoed in the back of his head. I’ll watch over you. He had told Dean as he was about to sleep once. And somewhere deep down he knew the angel still watched over him on still nights. Though this one, as they so rarely were, was not still. Dean was troubled by dreams and horrors. Lately, ever since Michael had been driven out of him and gone who knows where, he’d been dreaming of what he did under his control- and worse. Though he was used to bad dreams by then, he’d had them ever since the fire the yellow eyed demon started but it was somehow worse now. Like he had more to loose. He’d always had his brother to worry about but now he had his mother back, Jack was human and Castiel had just returned to them. He couldn’t afford to loose anything else but could feel his mind starting to break as night after night he was woken up- wishing for the dreams to disappear.

That night Dean dreamt of Castiel. He’d dreamt that Michael had found him and made him hurt the angel with his own hands, a scene that was set on repeat in his head, mixing a dream with a hazy memory. Dean was fighting Michael, squirming, biting and punching at the archangel. Fighting as hard as he might to kick the son of a bitch out. But nothing he did was good enough. Michael was too strong but still he couldn’t keep his mind asleep for too long, Dean wouldn’t let him. He had to get back to his family. But if he was going to be possessed Dean was set on making the bitch hate every second of it. But Michael was not easily won over. He crept into his head and rooted through every memory he had, all the good and all the bad. At first he tormented him with all the worse ones

Sam dying

Hell

Apocalypse

Making all the painful shit play back in his own head. But then he began to torture him with all the best memories he had.

Sam returning and the the bear hug he got as his brothers heart started beating again

Being dragged from hell to fill his lungs with the fresh air

Bobby, Sam and Cas, alive and well after they’d gotten Sammy’s soul back

Michael played these memories in his head, waking a small hope of seeing his family once more and that all would be alright in the end. But Michael crushed that hope as soon as it was formed- telling him that the only chance he had of ever seeing them again was through Michael’s grasp as he made Dean rip their souls out with his very own hands. But then he found something else, something Dean would never tell anyone; his longing for Castiel was more then just platonic. And so a whole new kind of torture began. The death of an angel- in every way possible, each worse then the last.

Suddenly, Dean felt firm hands on his shoulders trying to shake him back to life.

“Dean, wake up!” Castiels worried voice came through the fast fleeing dream. Cas. He sat up so fast he almost knocked his head together with the angels.

“Cas!” He breathed into the dark room. “You’re here!” He said, feeling more then seeing him.

“Of course I am, you called for me.” Silent tears were rolling from his eyes, his breath was stuck in his throat and his limbs were still shaking. The dream began to come back to him and he suddenly became aware of the room around him. A broken lamp by his bedside table that he had drunkenly walked into a few night earlier. The sheets on the floor that he had struggled from himself. The sweat soaked bed beneath him and his own tear stained face and Castiel right in front of him. As soon as he noted his watery eyes he quickly dried them. Too late but stillnot wanting the angel to see him crying like he sometimes had before.

“How did you know?” Dean asked, refusing to return the eye contact.

Castiel had stayed at the table in the war room of the bunker after bidding Dean a good night. He was beginning to agree with him in that research is boring. They had gone through almost every lore and book they could think of and still nothing. But he kept reading none the less. There is an answer somewhere, there had to be. It had barely been two hours since Dean left that Castiel could start to feel him shifting in his room and soon after came the scream. A blood freezing, terrified call for him,

“Cas!” He didn’t need anything more then that before running to his side. Horrified by the thought of someone or something having broken into the bunker and gone after Dean. Barley able to think of the thought that Michael had returned for him he crashed the bedroom boor open and saw Dean wrestling with the covers,

“Cas!”

At once he was by his side, shaking him awake.

“You were watching over me?” Dean asked, even though he already knew the truth.

“I’m fine, Cas. Just tired.” He said, knowing what Castiel would ask already but he knew that Dean truly meant, he was tired of worrying, the nightmares and the constant “big bad”. He didn’t press on because he figured that if he was patient enough he would eventually allow himself to open up. A silence stretched on, tense and filled with emotion. Castiel kept his eyes on him, memorising him like he had so many times before when Deans eyes closed and head fell.

“I’m sorry, Cas. I just blame myself for what Michael did.”

“You did it for Sam.”

“And I still did it.”

Castiel hated this, hated how much Dean hated himself and he hated him because he couldn’t see how good he truly was. How loved he was. Not only by the angel but by his entire family as well. Sam was out there with Jack, hunting so that Dean didn’t have to strain. His mother returned and so many others would do anything for him. But Dean could only see the the people he had hurt, not the ones he had saved.

As the night wore on, longer then the last in the spirit of autumn, Dean and Castiel sat opposite each other in the darkened room which the hunter called his own. One weighed down by sorrow and guilt, the other broken hearted by the sight. Granted, they didn’t sit there for long. Although the moments the did felt like hours to the two. Dean was happy that Castiel was by his side, he knew what it was like. To make a mistake and almost end the world for it.

“As I’ve told you before, none of it is your fault, Dean.” Castiel said, “and you are not a bad man. You are a very good man who unfortunately have had bad things happen to you.” But still he could tell that Dean didn’t truly believe him so he did the only thing he could think of. It might have seemed rushed to some. To some it might have seemed long overdue but to Castiel it felt like the right moment to show Dean how much he truly cared. He leaned in and kissed him. Short and sweet. So short in fact, that Dean barley had time to realise before it was over. He was, at first was shocked but it seemed to him the perfect moment as well, so he kissed him back. Finally showing the angel that he loved him as well. Finally letting himself be loved in return.

After the kiss they stayed silent for a second, breathing in the moment.

“Do you believe me now, Dean?” He managed to whisper out.

“I believe you.” And weirdly enough, he did believe him.

[castielrisingabove]

Let Go

@destielsecretsanta2020 gift for @just-a-glittery-fan

“Dean!” Sam called from the top of the stairs, his arm slung over Eileen’s shoulder, “We’re gonna be late if you don’t get your ass up here!” 

“Dude, I’m coming! Don’t get your boxers in a twist,” Dean shot back as he tugged a henley over his head, frantically scrambling to get date-ready. Sam was insistent that Dean finally take Castiel on a ‘proper date’ (Sam’s words, not Dean’s), and thus, the double date materialized. 

With a final once-over on his appearance, Dean raced out of the room and up the stairs, following Sam and Eileen out of the Bunker. 

“See, toldja I’d be ready,” Dean smirked as he stepped into the Impala. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “If we’re late, you’re gonna be the one explaining to your date why we missed the reservation.”

“In that case, guess Cas and I will have to do our own thing after all,” Dean joked, though when he saw the look of hurt shock on Sam’s face, Dean backpedalled. “Sorry, man, that was a joke.”

The ride to the restaurant was a bit uncomfortable. Dean wished Cas could drive with them, instead of meeting the group at the restaurant, especially with how subdued Sam and Eileen were. Cas would have known how to break the tension, would have known what to say to make Sam’s brow unfurrow and Eileen’s worry drain away. 

Still, it was all worth it when Dean caught sight of Castiel’s familiar trench coat. He jogged ahead of Sam and Eileen, sneaking up to peck Castiel’s cheek.

“Hey, handsome,” Dean relished this sort of thing. Months of tracking down Castiel, of saving him from the Empty, all worth it for the glorious, delirious happiness that came from the most mundane actions. He leaned in to kiss Castiel properly.

“I don’t think we should do this, Dean,” Cas said softly, “It hasn’t been that long since--”

“I’ve waited too goddamn long,” Dean closed his eyes, brushing his nose against Castiel’s. “Please.” 

Castiel hesitated, then kissed Dean.

“I love you, Cas,” Dean whispered. 

Castiel pulled away. When Dean opened his eyes, it wasn’t Cas he was looking at. His build was about the same, but his hairline was starting to recede, his jawline was soft and his eyes were a dark brown.

“I--you--” Dean sputtered, “I’m sorry, I thought you were my date.”

“Damn it, Dean,” the man shook his head, “I was your date. We’ve gone out what, three times? Four? I knew you had things you were working through but...do you even remember my name?”

By now, Sam and Eileen have caught up, staring at Dean with worry and pity as he tries to make sense of the information. 

“N-no, I...I was going out with Cas. My…” Boyfriend? Partner? Everything? “...my angel,” Dean finishes lamely, trying desperately to make sense of the situation. 

“Dean...” the man said firmly, but sadly, “We’ve talked about this before.”

That couldn’t be right. Dean looked to Sam to help. “What about Cas? We saved him! He’s been fine for weeks now!”

“Dean,” Sam’s voice took on a careful tone, the same he’d use for monster victims who couldn’t quite process the horrors they’d just encountered, “It’s been years since Cas...left.”

Years?

“N-no,” Dean shook his head, “That’s not right. We were all going on a date together.”

“We...we are,” Sam said softly, “With the guy you’d been seeing. You were supposed to introduce us…”

“But Cas!”

“Cas is gone, Dean!” Sam cried, his eyes rimmed with red. “You have to let him go!”

Dean awoke with a gasp, tears trickling down his cheeks. He wiped a hand across his face to find...an IV? Slowly, the world came back into focus. Dean could hear the soft beeping of hospital machinery, feel the bedding that is very much not his beloved memory foam, and it all came rushing back. The barn. The vamps. The rebar. And…

“Another nightmare?” Sam’s voice was still thick with sleep. Even though Dean had insisted he’d be fine, Sam and Eileen had been taking hospital stays in shifts to ensure Dean was never alone. 

“Yeah,” Dean groaned as he pushed himself upright. Although he’d survived that hunting accident in the barn, recovery was a slow, painful business. The doctors had called his survival a miracle. Poor bastards didn’t know the half of it. 

“Same thing it always is,” Dean rubbed his eyes as he felt tears well up again, “Cas is gone. Gotta let him go.”

“I don’t get it. You didn’t have these dreams before the accident.” 

“We’ve already been over this,” Dean snapped, immediately regretting it as Sam’s face fell. “It’s fine,” he softened his voice, “The doctors say I can recover.”

“Yeah…”

“Go back to sleep, Sammy. We aren’t working anything out in the middle of the night.”

Sam yawned. “Jerk.”

“Bitch,” Dean replied. They shared a soft chuckle, and before long, Sam’s soft snores could be heard.

But Dean couldn’t sleep. He knew what awaited him when he dozed off. Losing Cas. Losing him again and again and again. In a million different scenarios in a million different ways, it all led back to Dean being forced to let him go.

Just like he had that day in the barn.

Dean could never tell Sam what he’d seen that day, with the rebar deep in his body. As the world around him went black...there was Cas. Dean could feel himself leaving his body, racing to pull Castiel into a tight embrace. And it was Cas, the real Cas. Same firm shoulders, same odd smell of rainstorms and honey, same gentle blue eyes. 

If it was death, death was a damn good thing.

But joy was gone as quickly as it had come.

“You have to let me go, Dean,” said Castiel, before Dean could say a word. And though Dean clung to Castiel, his grip slipped, and he was pulled back into his body. 

How was Dean supposed to tell his brother that he’d pulled him away from the closest thing to Heaven Dean could possibly know?

When Dean finally dozed off, he dreamed of dancing with Castiel. At one point, Castiel spun Dean away, but before Dean could return to Castiel’s arms, he was pulled off the dance floor. Castiel melted into the crowd and though Dean searched, he couldn’t find him again.

Eventually, the wound in Dean’s back healed.

The nightmares did not.

And though Dean tried to hide it from Sam, he could feel himself falling apart. He drank more, hunted often, took the curves on mountain highways just a touch too fast, desperate for another moment with Castiel. 

Honestly, it was a miracle he’d made it to the lookout point Dean set for the night of the anniversary of Castiel’s confession. It should have been a good night, they should have been celebrating. If Cas was here, Dean would have taken him somewhere fancy, bought him something nice, treated Cas like he meant everything to Dean. 

But Cas wasn’t here. It was just Dean, beer, and the vast expanse of the night sky.

Dean sat at the edge of the cliff as he drank. 

“I know you probably don’t think I’ve let you go,” he said aloud to the stars, relishing the cold air against his thin shirt, “But I have, as far as Winchesters go. I haven’t cast any spells or made any deals. I haven’t even…” Dean’s eyes squeezed shut, “haven’t even tried to...end…” 

He shook his head, taking a long drink before continuing. “Point is, Cas, I’ve let you go as best as I know how. But I can’t just forget about you. I can’t stop mourning you. Cas you’re…God, you’re everything. You say I made you love the world. Well, Cas, you made me believe in it again.”

Dean grew quiet, listening to the strains of bird call in the valley below. “You once told me that good things do happen. So please...please, Cas, I am begging you with every part of my soul...please don’t be dead. For me. Because I never got to tell you that I…” 

“I’m sorry,” a deep voice remarked. Dean whirled around to see Cas, Cas, but it couldn’t be, could it, the whole world felt like it was spinning, Dean felt like he was falling…

...his foot slipped and Dean tumbled off the cliffside, actually falling now, his emotions a blur--

Castiel grabbed his hand, it felt like a dream, but then he said something that made Dean’s heart leap into his throat. “Don’t let go, Dean.”

“But…”

“Please, Dean. Don’t let go.”

Dean tightened his grip as Castiel heaved him up over the ledge and into his arms.

“This isn’t how the dream usually goes,” Dean said.

“You’re not dreaming.”

“Then I’m dying.”

“No, Dean, you’re not.”

The shock was starting to kick in. Dean shivered violently in Castiel’s arms, trying numbly to understand what was happening. Castiel let him go for a moment, slid off his trench coat and wrapped it around Dean’s shoulders.

“If you’re here...why…what...”

“I’m so so sorry, Dean,” Castiel whispered. He took Dean’s hand, led him away from the cliffside. Dean clung tightly to him. “I came as soon as I could. It...it took a lot to escape the Empty and I was stuck in Heaven until I recovered. And you, Dean,” he put a warm palm to Dean’s cheek, “You deserved more than a wretched end in a lonely barn. You deserve to live. I wish I’d had more time to explain, I wish I had not caused you pain, but…”

“I love you,” Dean blurted out, “I love you, Cas. I wanted to tell you. I would have done anything to tell you. I...I…” 

“I know, Dean.” Castiel kissed the top of his forehead.

Dean snorted through the tears, “Was that a Star Wars reference?”

Castiel blinked. “I suppose it was.”

Dean made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a hiccup. “Are you really here?”

“I really am.”

“So...what now?”

“It’s time you get the life you deserve, Dean Winchester,” Castiel whispered, “Starting with this.”

Any lingering fears that this was still a dream melted away with Castiel’s lips on Dean’s, with Castiel’s arms around his waist, with Castiel there, by Dean’s side, when Dean fell asleep and Castiel holding Dean close when he awoke.

And three weeks later, they finally did get around to a “proper date” with Sam and Eileen.

[emotionalsupportbees]

@destielsecretsanta

Love to participate! Im an artist and I can (and will) draw just about anything and have no great restrictions about the tone or the subjectmatter of whatever I recieve :)

[destielsecretsanta]

Gifts are due tonight! (Dec. 31st)

Please message me if you're going to be late or if I haven't reblogged your gift yet!

[pansexualgabriel]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

This is my DeanCas Secret Santa gift for @scientificallyfrostedtrenchcoat! I hope you like it! I went with the Christmas + Jealousy/Pining prompt! It turned out to be a bit more angsty than I originally intended so my apologies for that. Happy Holidays!