Jun 26
mujhko mujh mein jagah nahi milti, tu hai maujood iss qadar mujhme
-Waseem Barelvi
there's none of me left in myself, i have traded my entire being for yours
seen from United States
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mujhko mujh mein jagah nahi milti, tu hai maujood iss qadar mujhme
-Waseem Barelvi
there's none of me left in myself, i have traded my entire being for yours
watched "main vaapas aaunga" today. there's a line in it that stuck- "aisa pyaar zeher ki tarah hota hai, iska bahar nikalna bahut zaroori hai" (a love like this acts like poison, it's imperative that it finds a release"). i feel that poison running through me, have always felt it. i just learnt to name and recognise it a couple years ago. i've been cursed to feel *everything* amplified x1000. it paralyses you, hollows you out from the inside. you get absolutely nothing done. your entire life amounts to *feeling*, for self and others, and reminiscing, and hypothesizing, and feeling everything that was, and everything that could've been. have any potential, talents, passion, or hobbies? fold those neatly and keep them on your side-table, beside that dirty handkerchief you cannot let go of, and in front of the beads from a bracelet that broke 3 years ago. keep adding your stack of recollections, keep trying to pin down the transient in a growing pile of glorified junk, and maybe one day you'll be blessed with absolute indifference.
a poor attempt at a makeup look I saw on pinterest
i think i've got another heart where there was supposed to be a brain.
i am perhaps the loneliest being in this world. even the walls have stopped talking back.
its amazing how each person i come across leaves a crater in my life while i doubt i even leave a thumbprint in theirs.
i still look for your footprints in the mud, even though the rain has washed them all away. i still sit at our table, waiting for you to slide in the seat next to mine. i'm still waiting for that flower that you picked but never had the courage to give me, or maybe there wasn't any flower at all. i've taken my clothes off more times than i've received flowers, and i love flowers but i hate my body. i still think of all the music i'll play the next time we drive around, i'm still waiting for you to ask me about myself. i'm still waiting to hate you, realise it was all a ploy, and yet, i'm still waiting for you to tell me i wasn't a disappointment.
I've been put on SSRIs and beta-blockers!!! which is good news for all of y'all more than it is for me lmao