I’m wearing my gown, tiara in place, and I’m descending from the stairs when I see him
He’s standing at the bottom of the stairway, the guests dancing behind him, and he’s smiling up at me
He’s smiling like we’re old friends, he’s smiling like I just saw him yesterday, he’s smiling like he’s got a right to even look at me
I clench my jaw and I steel my gaze, his apologies won’t sway me, not this time
I have forgiven, I have forgotten, and I have cried for you, no more, no more
I lift my chin to the heavens and as I reach the bottom step, I breeze past him, no acknowledgment in my wake
He reaches out to grab my shoulder and I tense under his touch, my eyes lighting in fire as I whirl around to look at him, my teeth bared in a hiss
What do you want from me, I ask, what else do you need from me, I square my shoulders, looking up at him
He’s tall, his eyes a warm shade of brown, and his smile is still in place, he’s holding me gently, laughter in his voice
There’s tears in my eyes, he can’t see what he’s done to me, what I had to do to build myself back up in his absence
I’m frigid like ice, I’m stormier than the rising sea, my edges are sharp and it’s all because of what he’s done to me
He greets me with love, arms wrapping around me, and I’m surrounded by him and for a split moment I feel safe
I feel loved, I feel the emptiness within me filled for a fraction of a second
And then he pulls back, smiling sheepishly, and I’m cold once more
Tears prickle my eyes and I take a step back to fix myself, always having to fix myself
He unbalances me, leaves me confused, I yearn for your love, for your attention
But I know I’ll never get it, I won’t ever be your priority, and it’s taken me so years to understand that
I welcome you softly, my edges softened from your brief touch, and watch as you blend back into the crowd
The longing stays, the need to follow, to have your attention on me grows
But I stomp it down and turn back to my duties, to my life
I’m not yours anymore, you’ve lost every right to me, but that doesn’t mean that a part of me still loves you
I’ll always love you, you’re my king and I’m your princess
I just wish you could have been here to watch me grow up