devlog 1: a lesbian cybernoir game
hi there! this is the beginning of a series of "devlogs" i'm going to write to keep track of my progress on a lesbian cybernoir game called Ponch: Cyberspace Investigator. this is a game by a lesbian of colour (me), for lesbians of colour. it follows the life of a woman named Ponch, and her experiences running an illegal investigative practice in an otherworldly post-capitalist dystopia called CITYB. she's also a member of a hacktivist group, but more on that later. you can check out some visuals and audio stuff here! i put "devlogs" in quotes because these posts will probably be more like diary entries. i think all aspects of an artist's/developers life are important to track alongside a game's progress, sometimes maybe more so. there is a risk of this coming across a bit self involved, but i've decided to allow myself the space to do that. i mean for one, this game celebrates self-involved lesbians. and two, i’m hoping these devlogs will help me stay a bit more lucid; perhaps i can find something inspiring here a few years down the line. these will probably start with lots on my personal life, hope it's not too boring! over time, as i get into a working rhythm, i'll transition into a fun and flirty balance of Ponch + life stuff. i will start with Ponch: Cyberspace Investigator, though. Ponch is the main character, and a lot of the game is about her life. but the larger story surrounds her involvement in the Bit Masks- a lesbian hacktivist group that can literally transport themselves into cyberspace. in order to access this power they have to live off the grid in a very internet-oriented society, and can only survive by earning money through crime. and while crime allows some more room for resistance, everything is so deeply connected. as a result, they often find themselves in positions where they're at risk of supporting the very system they're trying to destroy. so we'll get to see all the funny, dirty, courageous, messy, inspiring, and unabashedly dyke-y ways that they overcome this. it plays kind of like ace attorney, but with a larger emphasis on exploration. there’s also some cool/weird platformer puzzles that mess with 2d and 3d perspective depending on when you jump in and out of cyberspace. this game has technically been in the works since 2017. but i was struggling a lot with mental illness and an unchecked disability. meaning, instead of a game, i had generated hundreds of pages of notes, scribbles, doodles, character names, world building details, etc. for years, anytime something hit me, i typed it out on my phone, doodled in loose paint tool sai files, word vomited on various, scattered google docs. it was really depressing. i had all of this stuff but i felt like there was no core. once i got the help i needed (in february 2020), i realized i was the one constant. every little detail still managed to stick in my head- i had been thinking about it so much, it was like i didnt need my notes to remind me of anything. but once i was at a place in my life where i could finally remember to eat, i knew that i needed to get organized if i wanted this game to make sense to people other than myself. the pandemic aligned with the moment i got the medication i needed, and i had so much time on my hands. i spent 10 hours a day for a few months building level prototypes, animating, writing, making music, the whole lot. i felt reborn again? this energy followed me into the first year of my masters program- and it made sense that Ponch would be my thesis. strangely, this last year was the most healing year of my life. in one way at least. my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me in february? something like that. it was really messy and i still find myself confused, hurt, lost, and more. i hadn't seen her in 11 months when she broke up with me- because of the pandemic. i still don't really know what to make of it all. though i’m confused, i’ve healed under the hood. i’ve been focusing on all the things that have been making it easier to get up in the morning. Jay (an incredible person who joined this project a few months back), loving friends, inspiring colleagues, a fulfilling job, and i'm living in *cue brooklyn accent* new yawk freakin' city BAY-BEEEEEE being in this city- being able to meet lots of (hilarious and supportive) new friends and going on some nice dates- being able to feel like a person again- has made me want to keep creating things. and i’m in a place now where i want to write about my feelings. here we are. below are some screenshots of the game thus far. if you're out there, i can’t tell you how thankful i am that you read this. and i hope to create something that resonates with you. best of luck, wish you well! -jude
