#dezzyspeak

[dontperishyet]

so few of my relationships are mutual. i always care more and give more. i always initiate. this is why i cut so many people out of my life. there is no point if i am the one carrying all the slack. it makes me want to do nothing for you if you never give me anything in return. i am so sick of it.

[dontperishyet]

Questions to my followers:

I have 1,430 follows. How or why, idek. Why do some of ya follow me? Do any of you follow me for my fics?

[dontperishyet]

Guys, my new theme is beautiful

Go see it!! Also I made my tumblr more geared towards showcasing my fics! I’m working on writing more often and really getting my writing out there.

[dontperishyet]

Tagged by the wonderful @pandajelo Home and lock screen❤️ Ya don't have to do it but tagging: @todoyamas @ci-bear @boniebelle

[dontperishyet]

I was tagged by the adorable and wonderful @hinatas-smile 

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 15 blogs you want to get to know better.

Nicknames: Dezzy is a nickname :3

Star Sign: Virgo

Height: 5′5″

Time right now: 3:28 AM (i have issues falling asleep at a reasonable time)

Last thing I Googled: ‘Best lactose free protein powders’. I am lactose-intolerant and all the dairy free protein powders I’ve tasted so far taste gross.

Last movie I watched: Hmm..either a rewatch of Tangled for he like 50th time, or my 2nd time going to watch Moana.

Last TV show I watched: ‘Are you the one?’ Lol, it’s a reality tv dating show I watch with my sister because even though I hate reality tv, sometimes they are just really fun to watch.

When I created this blog?: Mid 2010? (holy hell I’ve been on this site 7 years)

Why did I choose my URL?: It’s the english translation of one of my favorite UVERworld lyrics and a tattoo I have on my wrist. 

Gender: Female

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Pokemon GO team: Instinct

Favorite color: Purple, Blue

Lucky number: 3 (I don’t know if it’s lucky but I like it)

Favorite character: Kageyama <3 (But like Tsukki is like .5 points away)

Number of blankets I sleep with: One thin blanket under my comforter...just putting on the comforter alone feels weird to me. 

My 15 5 people are (you guys can ignore this if you want!) …

@pandajelo @reraimu @literarymerritt @todoyamas @goodnight-butsu

[dontperishyet]

That Bungou Straight Dogs line hits too close to home.

“Nothing in this world will fill that lonely hole you have.”

I never feel satisfied. I write, try to draw, exercise, do dance classes, try to roller skate, pick up trumpet, cook for myself, try to make new friends...I just keep collecting these hobbies in an attempt to make myself feel less empty. Some of them stick. Most of them I just dab in and out of. But all the while I feel like I am missing something.

One of my biggest fears is that this feeling will continue for the rest of my life.

[dontperishyet]

Announcements:

1. I’m opening my prompt/ficlet requests again. But only for HQ!! characters!

2. Tumblr is a bit lonely for me so I’m looking for anyone who wants to be friends? Almost all my friendships from here have dissipated or moved to twitter, so it’d be nice to talk to people on here again.

[dontperishyet]

In the last week I got rejected from the two fic zines I signed up for...

The desire to quit writing is so unbearably strong right now. As much as I love writing it just makes me feel empty and shitty way too often. I never feel good enough. So I guess these rejections don’t come to a surprise to me, even if I did have a few slivers of pointless hope. 

I want to quit but I won’t. It’s not like I can turn off my desire to write, unfortunately. If I could I would have a long time ago.