I'm feeling Extra Salty today so I'm going to talk about my sister's cult!
They're called the London International Christian Church (yeah motherfucker I'm calling you the fuck out) and I had the pleasure of being dragged along to one of their monthly services (oh don't worry, my sister goes to events at least three times a week! This was a big celebration)
First off, my sister lovingly forgot to mention that as soon as you meet someone, they hug you. Every. Single. One. I felt like I was in some stepford wives bullshit because when I spoke to them they just seemed...off. Like I wasn't speaking to a human. Every interaction felt forced and they all seemed practically fucking high off the whole thing.
10 minutes in and I see the textbook way they drag you in. I've never been religious and neither have my parents, my sister found religion all on her own, and I think that helped because honestly? If I had the baseline of God and christianity I couldn't say that I wouldn't have been drawn in by the friendliness and the music and everything at first.
Notice how I say 'at first'
The whole thing gets weirder and weirder, my poor mum is deaf and her hearing aid can't pick up anything because of the mics and everything so I'm just sat there, looking around and feeling like I'm in the fucking twilight zone.
It starts off pretty normal, Bible readings and that, but then they start mocking Jewish people? I've been informed by my Christian flatmate that the old testament kinda gives off a vibe of 'look how they're doing it wrong' or something (DON'T quote me on that I know literally nothing about the bible) but it was just so strange how the guy kept mocking them and people were laughing and cheering. It was at this point that I started writing notes on my phone.
I felt like I was going insane, particularly after this girl told her story about how she ""found the church"" which in reality was she was singled out because she was young and a lone international student, then when she didn't respond cause she lost their number they tracked her down AGAIN and here she is. I was literally shaking with anger at that point I couldn't believe people were buying this bullshit.
I convinced my mum that we had to leave before we saw the baptisms (side note, my sisters already been baptised so thats A Thing now) and as soon as I walked out I just turned to her and said 'what the fuck was that?!', alas she couldn't hear anything so she thought it was OK but after I told her some of the things she said 'yeah, that's not great is it'
It's been a few months now and it's downright creepy talking to my sister, 90% she's normal but then she'll spout some weird ass shit (see: my post about how she can't watch Killing Eve cause its gay and she's 'easily influenced')
I'm sure there's more, but I'll end this with some reviews. On Google people are either giving it 5 stars or 1 star, three guesses as to why
They're really into this 'every other type of christianity is fake christianity' it's downright insulting
People such as this person, my flatmate and my church of Ireland grandma all agree that they do not preach real christianity, I'm taking their word for it
Slightly terrifying account of someone questioning their teachings and trying to leave.
And last but not least, the most terrifying review I've ever read!
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.