Godzilla - " I wonder, I wonder what goes on in his head. Others tell me that I shouldn't sympathize with him, since he sees me as just another being to keep in check. That he's someone nobody should sympathize with. But, it seems like Junior tells me a lot about him. About how many insecurities and problems he has under his scales and nerves and inside his heart. That he's not anymore emotionally inept or resilient as any of us. That even though he might be a god among titans, he's just as vulnerable inside as any one of us. I think that's his tragedy. "
BTW - I'm so sorry I took so long to answer this @nemesisthetoy I hope there's no hard feelings!!
I feel really demotivated and I have this feeling of void that is eating me inside. I hope that earning some money could help me feel a bit better, so I've decided to start tutoring high shool students in Maths and English. This afternoon I think I'll go to the supermarket and I'll put the sheet with all the info up.
I'm really afraid. I feel as I'm going to throw up anytime... Last year I tutored a sixteen-year-old guy in Maths and I felt really nervous, after a few times I had to stop. I don't know why, but I felt so bad....
I think that I'm not good enough and that the guys I'll teach to will think I'm stupid or I'm afraid I won't be able to solve some exercises and.... argh... I just don't feel good... I think they shouldn't pay me, I don't deserve it.
Lol @ me attempting to make this a bi-weekly challenge - I’ve barely managed once a week! But what’s important is that I’ve kept on going~
THis is my temporary work space - not the best for my back but it does the job while I start classes again. As well as German these days, I’ve started learning kanji again because I’m going to JAPAN in June!!! And while my speaking and that is okay, my kanji is hella rusty - I’m following the Kodansha Kanji Learner’s course from #200 onwards if anyone’s curious.
Now I’m going to practice from all the feedback I got on my written German from Langcorrect.com - such a great website, I’m eternally grateful for the corrections I get and it really guides me in terms of what my weaknesses are! You can’t improve what you don’t know!
Here’s what I’m listening to recently: https://open.spotify.com/track/3l5qctI4FqhfjIZzs06cbk?si=335834e7e9994de7
“Call for Help” by Pearly Drops
It’s some cute and chill electronic music, and I KNOW it doesnt sound like Bjork, but it gives me Björk vibes
Kikki K Every Day Diary Challenge! (Part One)
“Life is so much better when it’s filled with fun and adventure. Rather than wait for your next big trip or special occasion, why not fill the next few months with lots of little adventures instead? Our Diary Challenges have been designed so you can cut them out and place them on different days.
Cut out each challenge and stick them in on random dates over the next few months. When you get to that date, make a promise to yourself to complete that adventure. We think this is such a great way to add some fun to your days and inspire yourself to get out and explore more often.”
You can download the Challenge cards here! :)
Warning: Personal and long and maybe hard to read.
I'm challenging myself to do a diary entry every day for thirty days. This is day one.
If you asked me, at this moment, where I came from, where I am, and where I'll go, I would give you three minutes of silence. Three minutes for three questions seems suitable, assuming that I would take about a minute to answer to each question, if I actually had an answer. Where did I come from? My mother and father, in love and impassioned, some early summer afternoon, I suppose. I came from a cluster of cells with a combination of genes from both parties, which divided and divided until I came into the world as an ugly little creature that did nothing but be bothersome and needy. I came from a being with little feeling or thought and I turned into one with profound amounts of both. Maybe that's where I came from-- But is it really? Was I really not an existing being before my parents decided to have me, was I really not a true human being (by my definition of the word) until I was capable of thought? The answers elude me. I will not accept the explanation of a God or a soul without proof, but I have no proof for anything at all, so I remain answerless.
Where am I? I'm on a bed, on a chilly February evening, thinking too hard about who I am and who I'm supposed to be. I'm thinking I should be doing more with my life, I'm thinking I should be making an impact, despite the fact that I am only nearly fifteen. Is that an excuse? Or do I truly not have the tools at my disposal to be who I want to be-- Or is it simply a lack of willpower? This is what compels me to write. I write to make myself known; I write to make myself a person to a world that is largely oblivious to my minute existence. But is this truly where I am? Am I only on a bed on a chilly February evening, or am I in my head, across worlds, across time? If I were to reach out right now, maybe I could touch the stardust of another universe, sideways across time, if only with the tendrils with which my mind can travel so much further than this tool I call my body. It anchors me to this plane of existence that perturbs an disturbs and awes me and takes my breath away all at once, making me wish both destruction and prosperity on a world humanity has both tainted with hatred and painted with beauty. I am here, thinking, that humanity is a coin, with two sides, both heads-- One with eyes to the horizon and one with eyes in the mirror. Unfortunately the coin is fixed, landing on the latter more than the former when flipped.
Where will I go? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
The options laid out before me are too plentiful, and my experience is so little. How can I choose my future when I can hardly understand my past? How do you expect me to move forward into a world so unknown to me? I suppose that's life, staring me pitiless in the face and asking me, “What else did you expect?” I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You frighten me life, you know. Every day that passes by me in the blink of an eye without a single thing produced, every day I lie in bed and lie to myself, saying I'll be greater tomorrow, terrifies me and chills me in my core.
I write to produce. I write to busy a mind that would otherwise be running in constant circles through time.
Maybe I'll complete this challenge. I hope so. For now, I just needed to write-- Needed to feel like I was doing something.
I have no idea why i'm still doing this thing, it's like spilling all your secrets to the people online, which is why i don't say everything on here since i've got a creeper that creeps on everything i do. sigh oh god i miss my creeper, i didn't get to talk to him today. I had so much school work on me today. and then there's my parents pressuring me into everything. i sometimes wonder why they even still talk to me. it's like they both hate me and they said it themselves. I don't know why i'm still here. Ness says it's cause my "future fans" are waiting for me. i mean come on everyone knows i'm never going to make it in the music business, i'm not that good. people make a big deal about me singing but there are more people who deserve a chance, not me. i'm not gonna make it, i won't have future fans and i will not get signed, even though it's my biggest dream and i know i shouldn't give up, but let's be real here. a girl like me, just doesn't get that far in life. i'm more like a failure....a shame to the family as my dad would say. anyways, that is all for today. not that much has happened. i'm just glad it's Friday!
