#did healing

[unwelcome-ozian]

[bones-and-lichen]

I dont know if anyone else has experienced this but if this might apply to anyone else but.... if youre dealing w/ alters that hurt you, if youre suddenly confronted with memories from alters of abuse you never knew happened, extreme abuse, hurtful shit...

and it all feels to much...

for me personally? Shit got better after alters went rampant after my DID became overt, and they went rampant for nearly 2 years long on/off, as in I nearly died a couple times, they gravely injured our body and I had no autonomy or control over it. They hurt people I loved. They did shit so bad I worried id have to lock myself up permanently in a psych ward just so should an alter act out so badly it would warrant jail time, id be somewhere where they couldnt do that sort of damage. Like I never was a violent person, all my life long, didnt have any urges like this, and I still dont. But the alters that surfaced sure fucking did, my good dude.

But the point is, the point rlly and truly is -

shit I felt was impossible to change about myself prior to this, stuff like agoraphobia, a majority of social anxiety, a lot of underyling depression -

a lot of it was resolved by dealing with those alters. where all attempts at therapy or trying to train myself to not react as fearfully failed...

its like dealing w/ those alters ... it changed "me" too, it resolved issues I probably couldnt resolve cuz the root issue for just looking for the solution "in myself", the WHY I had those fears was in those memories alters held I had zero access to.

I couldve kept trying to push that fucking wall over to no avail half of my life.

As much as my DID becoming overt and dealing w/ those persecutory alters like, sincerely nearly fucking killed me...

its also a large reason why anything at all is going well for me now, and is suddenly "functioning"

So of course this might not apply to you, but I hope it does, because.. you know, even if youre going through a shit time right now, dealing with those memories, being harmed by alters...

theres a point to it. theres a merit to it. youll come back better for it. possibly.

even if we r seperate entities and individuals in a system, we are so intrinsicially linked, we *need* each other. we would not exist the way we are without "the others".

[reimeichan]

One of the interesting things I'm experiencing right now is figuring out what my identity as a whole is. This actually feels incredibly different for whatever reason pre-fusion, as my "system identity" in the past was more-or-less based on whatever conversations and concessions and compromises we could agree on from parts of the system that actually could communicate with each other. But now... I feel connected to all these parts inside of me, including ones who couldn't make their voice known in the past. And now instead of trying to "come to" an agreement, many times we just, are in agreement? We're so in sync it doesn't even really feel like a conversation consciously happened (though I'm sure if you slowed down the thought processes enough there was probably some sort of back and forth, but it's so instantaneous that everything just feels immediate).

Not saying that's the case for everything, mind you. I sometimes need to do some proper introspection to see, say, what kind of food I want to eat, or what kind of rest I need in the moment. But like... things like my gender and sexuality and cultural identity feel so much clearer now than pre-fusion. As individual disjointed parts we each had our own sense of what our specific gender or sexuality or whatever was, to the point it felt confusing and oftentimes contradictory. Now though... well, I guess I was expecting myself to have to do a lot more introspection, or that these aspects of myself would become more layered and complicated as well to the point I may not be able to fully articulate to myself what I felt. But that's not really been the case, to my surprise. I'm actually a lot more at ease with who I am, and know more or less how I would personally define myself even if I don't have the right words for it to express that with other people. That sureness and confidence in who *I* am is new and I'm not used to that, but it's not an unpleasant change. If anything that's one less thing for me to have to untangle in this mess of a brain.

[citrus-system]

Healing With D.I.D.

Please don’t save or repost anywhere

[unwelcome-ozian]

[unwelcome-ozian]

[mertisnia]

✨💛 This is the Amazing Person Award! 🏆Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out 💛✨

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