#actuallydid

[sinkopation]

can’t believe i have to say this but negligence is abuse. if a child is struggling and there is no action taken to help that child, that is abuse. if a child’s needs are ignored, that is abuse. if children are told to “suck it up” or punished for expressing their needs, that is abuse. if a child is suffering and you don’t care— that is abuse.

it doesn’t matter if it’s purposeful or intentional, neglect is neglect and children, especially young children, need adults to help them thrive.

[entities-unknown]

"DID symptoms no-one talks about" but very specific this time:

Conflicts and arguments are harder because you're more likely to rapid switch and experience amnesia when you're emotionally distressed, so I often end up feeling like I'm contradicting myself, back-tracking, and don't remember enough of what transpired to be able to truly engage and communicate well. This can make me seem like a liar who is trying to manipulate others and dismiss accountability for their actions. The reality is that different alters have different opinions, feelings, and input, and one alter cannot explain another alter's thought process, so sometimes I say something and then seem to back-track and contradict myself, because I can't explain a thought process I previously had, no matter what, because it was an entirely different alter with that thought process who is no longer fronting.

I don't know if I have ARFID, but I've suspected it for a while, and I've suspected that part of my problems with eating and food could also be different alters having different food preferences. I've had a lot of experiences where I felt like I thought I liked a food, only to try it and it tastes completely different from how I remember it and food not tasting good to me anymore, even though I previously liked it. I'm not talking about the normal human "taste buds change" over the course of years - I'm talking about "I know I liked this weeks ago, but I hate it now", "I seem to sometimes like rice and soy sauce and it's delicious, but other times it seems to taste disgusting and nothing at all like I remember."

How different DID feels when you have little to no awareness vs much more awareness. Why does no-one talk about this? Before I've gained some more of the awareness I have now, I was totally unaware of switches and alters, and many people treated me like I wasn't describing DID symptoms or like I was describing OSDD instead of DID, all for reasons like me telling people "I don't switch" when the reality was actually that I was simply not aware of switches and discounted any time I thought a switch may have happened and I didn't know how to figure out if I had switched, so I BELIEVED that I didn't switch, and I BELIEVED other things too such as "my memory is fine" and would tell people these things - other systems - and they'd tell me that I wasn't describing DID symptoms or that I was describing OSDD instead. The reality was that I just had extreme denial and little to no awareness because my dissociation was so extreme. And I just have to say that DID feels completely different when you have actual more awareness of who your alters are, when you switch, of passive influence, internal communication, and more, and I never see anyone talk about it.

DID is not rare, but the entire world makes you FEEL like it is.

Dysphoria/dysmorphia (I'm unsure which word would be more accurate to use here) because your visual appearance doesn't match how you want to be/wish you were perceived. I've seen people talk about some weird experience of ""seeing yourself in the mirror and seeing someone who doesn't look like you"", and I assume that's the experience I'm talking about, but at least for me, it just feels more like this bone-deep discomfort with my appearance because I don't look the way I wish I did. And it can be like "I'm uncomfortable because we are wearing clothes that the current fronting alter doesn't feel comfortable in" to varying degrees of gender dysphoria experienced by different alters to "I look completely different from how I wish I could look, and that brings me great discomfort."

Honestly being surprised at times to truly think about some alters and see them as "Me" just another side of me. Like, sometimes I just think about some of us and it feels strange to really think about the fact that "that alter is Me, just other aspects of my personlity."

[the-indigo-symphony]

"Dissociation" as a term is kind of in a weird position compared to a lot of other medical terms that slowly enter public knowledge, because people expect it to be misused like OCD and delusions and so on; they assume people are using it for situations where it doesn't apply, that they are "watering down" an important concept. But the thing with dissociation is no, all these people who are using the term "dissociation" lightly are also using it correctly.

Zoning out is a form of dissociation. Daydreaming is a form of dissociation. Dissociation covers a lot of different things, from complex disorders to everyday behavior. People aren't "misusing a serious term" when they describe these experiences as dissociation, and they aren't hurting anyone who experiences more severe forms of dissociation by doing so. I'm not offended when people without DID describe their daydreams as dissociation, I'm happy that they can recognize there are healthy and everyday forms of dissociation, and so when they encounter dissociation in the context of trauma or a disorder, it hopefully won't be as scary to them.

This is a "yes and" situation, not a "no but" situation. Yes, zoning out is a form of dissociation! And this is how I experience "zoning out" as someone with a dissociative disorder! I'm glad you now have a better understanding of medical terminology and will hopefully be able to better understand any medical texts you come across in the future

If you're looking for people misusing "dissociation", I assure you there are still plenty of people who associate any mention of it with senseless violence. How about we tackle that first before deciding the word for a spectrum can only be used to describe the most extreme forms of it

[ed-recoverry]

This post exempts you from any and all “If you don’t ___ this post, ____ will happen.” You are hereby immune to it all. You are now protected! Be free!

[unstablemotions]

idk it kinda feels like this sometimes

[system-of-a-feather]

Unironically guys, this is a reminder that the level in which you feel you have to hide your quirks and how your brain works is a result of 1) the people you surround yourself with and 2) your own fear of how others will react making it so that you never give people the opportunity to see you as you are.

Once again, I explained to my boss, mentors and peers at work about my history with DID and how I now operate with very detailed and defined facets each with names and everything

And now my CEO (small company) is in semi-public team meetings going "Yeah we need XIV" and shit

Apparently he thought it was the coolest shit he heard in a while and raved about it to my direct mentor

Literally 30-50 year old Christian professionals and business owners know what Im talking about when I say "Oh I'm in XIV brain lol" or "Yeah XIV wrote that" and genuinely respect it, get it, and are genuinely super normal about it.

Like, Ive seen people in the DID community and plural community be weirder about it.

Its not to say every environment is safe or good to do this in, but if you have good people around you that you have curated and chosen to be around AND if you choose to radically be you, more people than you think will love and meet you where you are at and some will even think higher of you as a result

[reimeichan]

"I'm okay with you having DID, I just don't want to talk to or meet any of your alters."

I'm an alter too, you know. Every single time you've interacted with me, I'm an alter. Even before you knew I had DID, even before I knew I had DID, we've been speaking to each other as various different alters. To ask to only interface with one singular version of me because you find the other versions of me uncomfortable to be around is hurtful.

We have little to no control over who's fronting at any particular time. We switch a lot, that's the nature of my system. Even we don't know who's fronting all the time, not least because we're discovering new parts still all these years later.

And, ultimately, they're all me. If you've only met one version of me and like that one version of me, do you truly like me? If you've only ever gotten to know me in that particular mode, how well do you actually know me? How can you say you love me when there's all these other me's that you cast aside and ignore?

You can't say you're okay with my DID but then ask to never get to know my alters. Because, ultimately, that means you never get to know me. And that means you're not okay with my DID- or with me.

[hollowandcoldanddark]

i hate shoutout posts, so this is like... a whisper to every single fucking system who can't be in therapy. who arent safe. live with abusers. who dont have the money, dont have the location, cant find a therapist. who cant do this shit.

i think that most advice from the internet is like... if you have did go to therapy and i bet thats useful if u can have it but if you cant, its so isolationg. especially with an individualistic (every man for himself) culture, people often tell u to just... go to therapy bro. dont bother me about it.

here are fr some tips as someone who has a lot of problems and is not in therapy:

prioritise staying alive. it can never get better once you are dead.

take your time with it. you dont need to post alter intros or have a plural kit. you dont need to have a journal. take time to be comfortable as you can even if the circumstances are very bad

depending on your amount of control and interaction with your system, introduce people who don't have a lot of life experience to new things like food, new colours and textures and places. this especially applies if you have a bunch of alters who only really know the environment of their abuse

build community. its really really really hard but do try. having friends kept me alive. it still keeps me alive.

learn about healthy relationships - we all have internet access. learn about boundaries and triggers and talking to others healthily. a lot of people with did will struggle with healthy relationships even if they make them. learn and do your best to act with it

treat your body like a rental or a pot plant or an animal if needed - even if it doesnt seem like yours, you gotta feed and water and walk it bro. u need the sun. you need enrichment and interaction.

ignore the discourse if youre struggling - it actually doesnt matter and will make you more sick. thinkning about endo vs trauma or like.... idk... labels discourse can be a major stressor that can lead to warping your sustem presentation or repressing and harming bits that arent conforming well

engage in things that are irl like building mini legos or clay - it can help make outside a better environment and shit, aklso can help ground.

find your own triggers and talk about it with ur system. write notes or yap.

find joy in being alive and being a system. despite what reddit or youtube or whatever will tell you, as things improve they will get better. and u should look for joy and funnies when you can

dont give up

LISTEN TO YOUR SYSTEM. THEY'RE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE RIGHT. THEY LIKELY ARE ASSHOLES OR INSANE JUST LIKE YOU. BUT YOU LIVE TOGETHER.

healing is easier as a team.

i believe in you