#full integration

[tavern-get-togethers]

I made a symbol for functional multiplicity. I also made a bunch of different versions. (even more versions below)

[Image ID: Multiple variations of the symbol for Functional Multiplicity. The symbol is a circle that uses the same colour scheme as the RGB colour model. If going from the top of the circle around in clockwise the colours are: green, yellow, red, magenta, blue and cyan. The symbol abstractly shows three figures holding out their hands to meet in the middle. The figures are green, red and blue. In between the figures is the colour that would match the RGB model if those two figures were to overlap. End ID.]

[reimeichan]

Stages of DID recovery

Stage 1: my brain is so quiet. I feel nothing. hear nothing. remember nothing. it's just... nothing.

Stage 2: HOLY FUCK THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE SHUT SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP THINKING THERE'S TOO MUCH THINKING

Stage 3: we're now in sync, everything is in peace, we understand each other, sometimes we need to talk but it's fine it's not as chaotic-

Stage 4: HOLY FUCK I'M FEELING AND THINKING EVERYTHING FROM EVERYONE THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING THESE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS FROM EXISTING THIS IS TOO MUCH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP

Stage 5: actually this is normal and fine. we're good.

[multiplicity-positivity]

This might be a controversial topic, so if you do not wish to answer due to discomfort/for your own safety then that is completely valid 👍 Feel free to dismiss this ask if so.

• As someone whose system had (unintentionally) final fused roughly half a year ago, is it still appropriate for me to use the term "system" or refer to myself as plural (we/us)?

Frankly, I'm sort of bummed out that we had final-fused, even if our systemhood was a sign that I was severely hurt. I was genuinely willing to go for functional multiplicity and even accepted the fact that I may just be a system for life.

Context: A situation that happened around last year's Valentines had distressed me so bad that I ended up splitting and became plural for a good few months, with us having a total of 6 headmates before they faded and eventually final fused around mid-2024.

Our fusion was not intentional by any means, it just happened gradually during summer break when I was no longer seeing the guy that I was involved with during the situation (who was also the catalyst for my plurality, mind you).

My friends who are also systems mentioned that the unintentional final fusion might just be a sign of healing, so there's that.

I'm unsure how often final fusions are discussed in the community, moreso if there's anyone out there who are final fused (intentionally or not). So if any soul out there feels outcasted due to being final fused, especially if unintentional: Hey, I'm here 🫶 Your experience is valid and it has happened before.

Certainly. You are more than welcome to call yourself a system even after fusion, and you still belong in plural and system spaces, without a doubt. We mean this with ever fiber of our being. You belong here. And your presence here adds to the special and beautiful diversity of the plural community. It is your life, your experience, and you get to choose the language to define yourself which feels right for you. If this means calling yourself a system, plural, or using we/us pronouns, please continue to do so. Please don't feel like fusion has to be a bad or negative thing, that it will cut you off from the spaces and language that are affirming or beneficial for you.

It is true that the topic of fusion is often feared or avoided within system spaces. We have been asked to trigger tag fusion on this blog, and have seen the ways many systems talk about fusion in our community. But, make no mistake, fusion is nothing to be feared! It is a beautiful sign of recovery and healing. Whether intentional or unintentional, final fusion often means that you have done the grueling work necessary to come together with your collective, and that you are ready to live with your experiences, memories, and emotions as one, whole, multifaceted individual. It truly is an amazing recovery path worth celebrating, and needs to be destigmatized in our spaces.

Personally, we feel like functional multiplicity and final fusion may not be all that different from each other. All the parts still remain, all the aspects of every alter's identities are still there. One may be a healed person with multiple facets, while the other is a healed multifacted person. Both may look like each other at different points. And both fused individuals and functional multiples belong in plural spaces as long as they wish to be here. We seriously mean this. Fused systems and plurals, even if they no longer identify as multiple, are absolutely still welcome in the plural community, and their unique perspectives need to be uplifted and cherished in our spaces.

On Tumblr, we know of @reimeichan @hiiragi7 @subsystems and @system-of-a-feather (hope it's alright to @ you all) who are all systems who have achieved this level of recovery. Their experiences and writings may be of some use to you (we certainly know they have been incredibly beneficial for us!). We think that any system, CDD or not, recovered or not, would do well to learn about the different experiences of recovered CDD systems, and what recovery and fusion could potentially look like.

And to you, anon, and others, please know that we welcome discussion of final fusion and full integration on this blog. Recovery is a daunting and difficult process, especially without any sort of community behind you or when you feel like you're having to go through it along or just with your therapist. We don't want final fusion to be considered controversial here. It's not. It is a wonderful and amazing thing which we would love to see talked about more often. Those who have recovered, who are recovering, should never feel like their own recovery path will cut them off from their friends and the spaces which help them feel seen and accepted. Acceptance should never have the caveat of "you must recover in this specific way in order to be wanted."

You are wanted here. You are welcome on this blog, in system spaces, and in the plural community. You are welcome to use whatever language you wish to describe your own experiences. And we are wishing you the very best with whatever your future holds.

[system-of-a-feather]

Visualizing Different Forms of Late Stage Recovery DID / Full Integration

[Note: This is a repost from this post without the long essay attached to it for rebloggability]

We were thinking about it and kind of came to think of a potential visual for Functional Multiplicity VS Final Fusion and the kind of inbetween within the two

We are middle right.

Top Left:

DID prior to any significant amount of processing and recovery; parts are pretty separate from one another with little permeability between parts; some parts are made up of multiple colors

Top Right:

DID during recovery; some parts fuse and meld together to make new parts, others develop some permeability between parts while still maintaining their separation, communication and co-fronting is easy for these parts and they may have a temporary fused state where the areas overlap

Middle Left:

One form of Full Integration; Functional Multiplicity; All parts are connected through permeable barriers and parts are mostly functioning independently of one another. Some parts may be semi-fused or have temporary fused states for parts they are well integrated with, but they also can retain in their individual states as well.

Middle Right:

One form of Full Integration; Functional Multiplicity and Final Fusion Simultaenously; there is a central and overarching “fused whole” that exists in the center of the system where all parts are blended together to the point it is impractical to label which is which; some parts are not fully blended in with the fused whole and thus it is possible to go into areas of the whole where each part is operating independently; its important to note though that a lot of the time, these parts are still holding parts of their adjacent parts and each section tends to have colors from more than their “original” self

Bottom Left:

One form of Full Integration; Full and Final Fusion; what some consider ideal and a more traditional idea of “final fusion” where all parts are fully and perfectly balanced and integrated with one another to create a solid singular identity

[greens-spilled-tea]

Good lord I saw a post along the lines of "if you've hit final fusion you're still disordered because you can still potentially split" and while I understand what they're trying to say it's just such a bad argument, especially since it was said within the context of how "non-disordered systems don't exist".

When the disorder is no longer causing distress or impairment, is it a disorder anymore? Yes, I still have a DID brain. My brain is likely never going to be the same as that of someone who has never developed DID. There is no "cure" for this. At the same time, saying that I'm still "disordered" feels wrong in the grand scheme of things. I've heard of people who have achieved final fusion or functional multiplicity who had their diagnosis removed from their chart because they no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for said disorder.

Also, saying I can still split even after reaching final fusion and using THAT as some sort of a gotcha to prove that I'm still disordered is so harmful. Yes I still split sometimes, in fact I still split quite a bit! But those of us who have reached final fusion have learned how to cope and manage our symptoms enough to be able to handle that without them necessarily fucking up our lives. Also, *gestures towards functional multiplicity* when you reach a level of symptom management even with dissociated parts where you can thrive and the symptoms are causing little to no issues in your life anymore, you literally don't fit the criteria for the disorder anymore and that doesn't mean you're cured, it just means you're no longer disordered. There is a difference between the two! This is why I love using the phrase "in remission" because that's very much what's going on here.

Anyways I'm just rambling and tired and angry.

[the-secret-third-mon]

I was prodding around my private Discord server, adding each of our chosen emoji into the names of our personal “journal” channels, and a thought occurred to me:

Our (my) mind really is like a small community these days. XD

Even if we view ourselves as a single person, I can’t really deny anymore that I also view myself as being “multiple”, too. The best way to describe this vibe, outside of my usual “the secret third option”, is as a person with both a single collective identity and multiple identities.

We’re fluid parts of a single whole, and enjoy existing as that “fused” whole whenever a situation lends itself to such; but we love interacting with each other, our friends and loved ones, and the world in general as each individual part of us, too. Both is good.

It just really amuses me when my personal Discord server has more channels on it, and regular activity, than a vast majority of the smaller, private Discord communities that we’re part of. We have a handful of close, mutual friends on our private server, but often times it’s largely just us (aka. myself) rambling away in a “thinking aloud” way or writing at each other. How one person can talk away so much to and/or at themselves I have no clue, yet here we are. 😂

It also often blows my mind how much different my life is now, two years after first realizing (and consciously acknowledging) that we had DID, compared to my life prior to that. In many ways, it honestly does feel like another lifetime…

I guess in a sense, recalling our past life is like another secret third option, too: not quite an entirely different person’s life, but definitely not the exact same person we were prior to DID awareness either.

Having so many previously internal parts of us fully integrated, fused, and actively fronting now has significantly changed my daily identity, even if the average person couldn’t even tell. My own internal vibes are just strikingly different to how I used to feel, not least because I finally comprehend why my gender orientation shifts so frequently (gender fluidity is a trip). It’s also really lovely having ready access to so many different emotions, memories, and everyday skills nowadays, too, and I’m most definitely a better teacher and employee as a result.

But returning to my original observations: I just find it very amusing how natural it is to exist as multiple these days, despite also feeling more singular and “whole” than ever before. Everything just makes so much sense now, in ways my mind previously never did for as long as I could remember…

I really do love every part of me (us), and this strange little community we’ve created. There’s a particular Japanese song and music video that used to resonate with me long before I ever fathomed being multiple, and in many ways it’s even more meaningful and dear to me now. All I can do is keep praying for safety and good health, so that I can properly enjoy the rest of my life with every part of myself/us/we and this wacky mind community we’ve forged together.

(The song in question that I referred to above)

[tavern-get-togethers]

[Image ID: The text: "This system is functionally multiple." inside a rainbow userbox with an icon of the Functional Multiplicity symbol. The symbol is a circle that uses the same colour scheme as the RGB colour model. If going from the top of the circle around in clockwise the colours are: green, yellow, red, magenta, blue and cyan. The symbol abstractly shows three figures holding out their hands to meet in the middle. The figures are green, red and blue. In between the figures is the colour that would match the RGB model if those two figures were to overlap. End ID]

Made for ourselves. Feel free to use. (please like or reblog if you do)

Symbol is one we made

[reimeichan]

Honestly the dumbest part about being integrated is having to now deal with all these other feelings I'm finally privy to and having to relearn how to actually handle and cope with these emotions that my previous strategy was, basically, to just ignore/repress/pretend they never existed until they gained sentience (aka the dissociation and identity bits of "dissociative identity disorder"). And you'd think that being integrated means that, oh I now know how to deal with all of these emotions because I have access to the memories and coping strategies of the other alters so I should be able to handle a wider range of emotions. But, you see, each of our strategies was to ignore/repress/pretend our other emotions never existed.

And, this is the bit I don't think anyone told us and we had to figure out by ourselves, but emotions are complicated. What I mean is, when you have a lot of emotions, they're no longer separate little bubbles. You now have all these layers and interactions between these feelings that make new feelings and redefine old ones and unfortunately none of us have any experience with what it's like to have emotions mix and match like that. And I guess people who weren't chronically dissociated figured this out as they grew up and developed more complex and layered emotions and stuff, but I'm ~30 years old and having to figure this shit out and tbf it's not like I had the greatest role models to teach me this shit growing up either. So sometimes I end up throwing a goddamned tantrum in my room because I don't understand all of these feelings!

But also I have these therapy skills I've learned over the last however many years and yeah, okay I guess I can figure this out. I guess I'll be able to make it to tomorrow even if it sucks right now. I guess I know how to cope and process even if these feelings are new territory for me. I'm also just gonna be bitching and complaining about it the whole time.

Anyways recovery's going great I'm just whiny.