Dedicated to @diethardried for the Code Geass Secret Valentine Event - I’m so sorry this is so late, and I’m so sorry you got me
“I hope you know that by standing in this corner by yourself, it defeats the entire purpose of holding the gala, and with it, the taxes that have been put into celebrating your promotion.”
Suzaku jumped at the sound of Lloyd’s voice. As the bespectacled man sidled up to him, he felt a bead of sweat crawl down his nape. Shifting his weight, he glanced all around, from the glowing chandelier to the nobles who carefully skirted a five-foot radius around the guest of honor, before flashing him a wobbly smile. It must have shown how uncomfortable he was, with the stiff uniform of a knight of honor, and the blinding spotlight that had been put on him the moment he had accepted the Princess’ request, because the Earl - because that was who he really was at the moment, wasn’t it? - patted him sympathetically on the shoulder before grinning at him.
“At least the pudding isn’t half bad. Which reminds me...”
He strolled away, one hand in his pocket and a whistle on his lips. Suzaku clenched his jaw as he was left alone again. Closing his hand into a tight fist, he straightened up - if that was even possible with his current posture - and looked straight ahead. He tried his best to ignore everything and everyone - especially the whispers behind the hands and the dirty looks from such high-born faces; there was nothing he could do. He had been chosen, and though he had protested, she had been adamant. And how could he, someone with so much blood on his hands, someone so low and immoral, refuse someone such as her? He could still remember the quiet determination lighting up her pretty eyes as she promised him that she had carefully thought this through and that yes, she truly did want him - him - to be her Knight of Honor.
He couldn’t help but let out a sigh at the memory; though he knew Euphie to be bright, he couldn’t help but feel remnants of doubt over her decision. Perhaps it was because she didn’t know yet, of his truth, and what he had done all of those years ago. Yes, that had to be it. Very few people knew, and who did would have neither any connection nor motivation to inform her of his past sins. So that was why he was standing here, in this tailored suit with all its medal and all its glory - because she didn't know any better.
He should tell her. He should have told her earlier, in fact, before things had escalated and she ordered for his promotion and designation as her knight. But how could he? Even with all of the time that had passed, his selfishness still remained, and the thought of bearing witness to her disappointment pained him more than anything. To have her hate him would be worse than death itself, he decided, which...was something that he deserved. So maybe it would be better to tell her how he had--
His heart skipped several beats, and he couldn’t help but flush as he saw her walk towards him in that beautiful white dress. She seemed to glow as the crowd parted into the perfect walkway leading all...the way...up to him.
Knight knelt before princess and took her hand with his own before grazing his lips over her soft hand in a display of deference. Even through his gloves he could feel how warm she was - a sharp contrast with his own cold hands - and loathed how even in such a brief show, he couldn’t offer him any of the comfort that she deserved.
“Sir Kururugi, will you please allow me the honor of holding the first dance with me?”
He looked up and saw that she was smiling at him. She squeezed his hand as she pulled him up onto his feet and tugged him towards the polished floor. With no other choice, he stumbled after her, made clumsy by both his trembling heart and the eyes of those blue-blooded vultures. Mouth dry and hands shaking, he stood before his princess as she looked at him with those wide, innocent eyes of hers that he loved so much. She smiled.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” she whispered. “But it’s a tradition that a princess shares the first dance with her knight of honor.”
“N-no, I... Thank you,” he murmured. “For everything.”
He stared as she slowly placed his hand on her waist. His heart pounding in his chest, he nervously licked his lips as sweat trickled down into the collar of his suit. Never before had Suzaku felt a greater urge to run than he did now. He couldn’t possibly dance with her. He’d either step on her feet or trip - or even both - and embarrass not only himself but her too! Right off the bat, he’d be a terrible, terrible knight of honor. He barely choked down his groan; what had possessed him to accept Euphie’s proposal?
But when the orchestra began to play, all of those questions, all of the shame and regret simply dissipated. As they swirled around the ballroom under that twinkling chandelier, all of the pressure and all of the fright, all of his demons, simply vanished in the face of her kind smile and gentle touch. And though he still rued his audacity, and though he still felt that he in no way deserved such generosity, as they circled around that gleaming floor under that deep blue sky, Suzaku couldn’t help but feel that, for the first time in what seemed like a long, long time, he was perfectly and utterly content.
